After Narcissistic Abuse. Personal insights from a Victim of Narcissist Abuse.

Laura has been through the emotional roller coaster of a relationship with a Narcissist. Her video offers many helpful insights.

She speaks about “now being able to spot” the Red Flags displayed by Narcissists and “understanding their Game“. IMHO that is extremely important. When one starts seeing multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis, then one has a much better idea of who (or what) they are interacting with. Knowledge gives one the power to make informed decisions, including whether to get into a relationship with a potential Cluster-B Disordered individual such as a Narcissist.

It was interesting to note that her Mother was Narcissistic. There does seem to be a connection between women who attract Narcissists and the fact that they were brought up by a Narcissistic Mother.

Video is courtesy of the LauraBlue YouTube channel

It confirmed how damaging Narcissists can be, when you hear this Victim of Narcissistic Abuse, speak about her negative self talk and feelings of “not being good enough”.

Recovery and Changes after leaving her Narcissist and going No Contact

She states that she “needed” to get out of her relationship with a Narcissist. After going No Contact, Laura describes some of her changes on her journey of Recovery.

Video is courtesy of the LauraBlue YouTube channel

They are not complimenting you. They are covertly using Indirect Persuasion, to Groom your behavior.

Once they have you hooked via their Idealization and Love Bombing. it will be time to covertly Condition your behavior. Indirect Persuasion will be disguised as compliments. Those innocent sounding compliments, are in fact covert Psychological Conditioning aimed at getting you to behave in specific ways.

There is a very good post, well worth your time to read,  on the Psychpathfree website titled :

Grooming is Not Always Idealization: Indirect Persuasion

EMDR Treatment for PTSD and Complex PTSD. A review by Scott O. Lilienfeld, Ph.D.

EMDR Therapy is relatively new. I had previously posted about EMDR Therapy as possibly being an option for the treatment of PTSD and Comlex PTSD. I had posted a video by Francine Shapiro, the originator of EMDR Therapy where she explained the EMDR Treatment Protocol.

To provide for a balanced view, there is very good article reviewing EMDR posted on the Quakwatch website. It was well researched and includes lots of references.

I did state in my initial post that no one knows why EMDR works (or where in the Human Brain). In the 20/20 News Video about EMDR, one patient spoke very highly of the results. With all things of Science, the ability to replicate the results, confirms the results – or not.

Please click on this Link to view the post on the Quackwatch website titled: “EMDR Treatment: Still Less Than Meets the Eye? That post was written by Scott O. Lilienfeld, Ph.D.

Knowledge gives one the Power to make an informed decision, about who to get into a relationship with and who to Go No Contact with.

Quote "Knowledge gives one the Power to make an informed decision, about who to get into a relationship with and who to Go No Contact with." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:Knowledge gives one the Power to make an informed decision, about who to get into a relationship with and who to Go No Contact with.

 

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EMDR Therapy to treat Trauma

EMDR Treatment is fast. You could be talking about a few sessions with a Licensed Therapist trained in EMDR Therapy, versus months and years with other Therapies. EMDR Therapy could be one option to consider, for those with the symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD,

In this video Sabrina Weyeneth walks thru the steps of an EMDR session.

Video is courtesy of the Sabrina Weyeneth YouTube channel

Click on this Link to visit Sabrina Weyeneth’s website.

EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy for Trauma, Complex Trauma, PTSD, Complex PTSD and past Narcissistic Abuse

This video was a 20/20 TV Show Report about EMDR Therapy.

EMDR Therapy could be one option to help those with sym[ptoms of PTSD or Complex PTSD. Beneficial results could potentially happen in just a handful of EMDR Therapy sessions, versus taking months and years using other Therapies.

Video is courtesy of the CalSouthern PSYCHOLOGY YouTube channel

Click on this Link to visit the California Southern University website to read their post titled: “EMDR:, Realities, Misconceptions, and Broader Applications.”

EMDR Therapy could help those suffering from Narcissistic Abuse, PTSD and Complex PTSD

There are therapies, such as EMDR,  which defy explanation of how they work neurobiologically.

The following is quoted from Wikipedia: In 1999, EMDR was a controversial therapy within the psychological community,[20] and in 2000, its efficacy compared to other treatments and underlying mechanism was the subject of debate.[21] However, since 2004, EMDR was recommended as an effective treatment for trauma in the Practice Guidelines of the American Psychiatric Association,[22] the Departments of Veterans Affairs and Defense,[23] SAMHSA,[24] the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies,[25] and the World Health Organization.[19]

EMDR  is an “Officially” recognized Psychotherapy.

EMDR treatment could be of help to those suffering from the symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD.

The following is quoted from Wikipedia: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro that emphasizes disturbing memories as the cause of psychopathology.[1][2] It is used to help with the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).[3] According to Shapiro, when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm normal coping mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli are inadequately processed and stored in an isolated memory network.

From the official EMDR International Association site: “No one knows how any form of psychotherapy works neurobiologically or in the brain.”.

The following is quoted from Wikipedia:

Approach

EMDR therapy consists of eight phases and each phase has its precise intentions.[32][33]

Phase I History and Treatment Planning

The therapist conducts an initial evaluation of the client’s history and develops a general plan for treatment. This includes the problems which are the primary complaint of the client and a history of distressing memories which will become the targets for reprocessing.

Phase II Preparation

The therapist helps the client develop ways to cope with distressing emotions so that they are able to calm down and help themselves in between therapy sessions. Commonly this is done with guided imagery or other relaxation techniques.

Phase III Assessment

The therapist asks the client to visualize an image that represents the disturbing event. Along with it, the client describes a thought or negative cognition (NC) associated with the image. The client is asked to develop a positive cognition (PC) to be associated with the same image that is desired in place of the negative one. The client is asked how strongly he or she believes the PCs to be true using a 1–7 scale (completely false to completely true) called the Validity of Cognition (VOC) scale. The client is also asked to identify what emotions he or she feels. The client is then asked to rate his or her level of distress on a scale from 0–10, with 0 being no distress and 10 being the most distress they can imagine. This is the same as a Subjective Units of Distress scale (SUD) that is commonly used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Finally the client is asked to identify where in the body he or she is sensing the feelings.

Phase IV Desensitization

During the reprocessing phases of EMDR therapy, the client focuses on the disturbing memory in multiple brief sets of about 15–30 seconds. Simultaneously, the client focuses on the dual attention stimulus, which consists of focusing on the trauma while the clinician initiates lateral eye movement or another stimulus such as a pulsing light held in each hand, or tapping on the knees.[34] Following each set, the client is asked what associative information was elicited during the procedure. This new material usually becomes the focus of the next set or another aspect of the memory may be guided by the clinician. This process of personal association is repeated many times during the session.[34] This process continues until the client no longer feels as distressed when thinking of the target memory.

Phase V Installation

The therapist asks the client to focus on the event along with the PC developed in phase III. The client is asked to hold in mind the memory with the positive thought as the therapist continues with the bilateral stimulation. When the client feels he or she is certain the PC is fully believed and that belief is as strong as possible, the installation phase is complete.

Phase VI Body Scan

At this phase the goal of the therapist is to identify any uncomfortable sensations that could be lingering in the body when thinking about the target memory and the PC. While thinking about the event and the positive belief the client is asked to scan over his or her body entirely, searching for tension, tightness or other unusual physical sensation. Any negative sensations are targeted and then diminished, using the same bilateral stimulation technique from phases IV and V. The PCs should be incorporated emotionally as well as intellectually. Phase VI is complete when the client is able to think and speak about the event along with the PC without feeling any physical or emotional discomfort.

Phase VII Closure

Not all traumatic events will be resolved completely within one session. If the client is significantly distressed the therapist will guide the client through relaxation techniques that are designed to bring about emotional stability and tranquility. The client will also be asked to use these same techniques for experiences that might arise between sessions such as strong emotions, unwanted imagery, and negative thoughts. The client may be encouraged to keep a brief log of these experiences, allowing for easy recall and processing during the next session.

Phase VIII Reevaluation

With every new session, the therapist will reevaluate the work done in the prior session. The therapist will also assess how well the client managed on his or her own in between visits. At this point, the therapist will decide whether it is best to continue working on previous targets or continue to newer ones.

 

In the video below, Francine Shapiro Ph.D, the developer of EMDR Therapy, details EMDR Treament for Complex PTSD and PTSD.

Video is courtesy of The Psychology Webinar Group YouTube Channel

Financial Times article titled “Why do we fear Narcissism?”

The Financial Times newspaper website, has an interesting post. It’s titled: “Why do we fear Narcissism?“.

My quick response after reading the last line in that FT post: “The author of that article should get into a relationship with a Malignant Narcissist and then write about their oh so lovely experience.“. Yes experience has opened my eyes when it comes to Narcissists, but I digress.

Click on this line to visit the Financial Times website to read their ost titled “Why do we fear Narcissism?”.

Amber Heard donates her $7 Million Divorce Settlement to the ACLU and to the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.

The ACLU works to make sure that “domestic violence victims are fully protected by the law and receive the government assistance they deserve” (as reported by the ACLU website). I was not aware that the ACLU did this.

Plse note the above about the ACLU. If you are a victim of Physical Abuse and want help, contact your local Law Enforcement. They can provide help, guidance and info about other available services. Then contact the ACLU. Click on this line to visit the main ACLU site and email them asking about an ACLU office close to you and how they might be able to help you.

Amber Heard donated her entire $7 Million Divorce Settlement to the ACLU and to the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.

Click on this Link to visit the ACLU page referencing Women’s Rights and Violence Against Women.

Click on this Link to visit The Hollywood Reporter website to read about the Amber Heard and Johhny Depp Divorce settlement.

Click on this line to visit the People Magazine website to read their post about Amber Heard’s donation of her entire Divorce Settlement.

Click on this Link to visit the Fortune Magazine site to read their post about Amber Heard’s Divorce Settlement.

Quote “I don’t think that you understand that you can literally rip my Heart out and stomp on it, and I’ll apologise for getting your shoes dirty.”

Complex PTSD and a Fear of Intimacy

Pushing away someone who is becoming too close to you. When you got hurt badly in the past, you could trigger a Defense Mechanism to try and protect yourself from getting hurt again. It prevents someone with Complex PTSD from establishing close relationships with others.

Video is courtesy of the
Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel

Parentification and Narcissistic Parenting can lead to Complex PTSD in the Adult child

“A very subtle way to create damage in children is to turn the chosen scapegoat child into a parent.

This process is called Parentification, not to be confused with parenting. In Parentification the parent gives up what they are supposed to do as a parent and transfers that responsibility to the scapegoat child. Hence the scapegoat child becomes parentified.”

Video is courtesy of the Light of Knowledge YouTube channel

Empaths should be aware that every good deed will rarely be left unpunished.

Many victims of Narcissistic Abuse tend to be Empaths. Narcissists look for and then target Empaths.

Empaths should be aware that every good deed will rarely be left unpunished.

This news article is an example of that. Within the last year I have read of something almost identical.

The Good Samaritan (bet ya he was an Empath) is driving along and sees a Dodge Durango off the road in a side ditch. He stops and helps two young guys get the truck back onto the road.

The two guys thank the Good Samaritan for his help, by allegedly “Robbing” him and then allegedly “Shooting” him. Yes, the joys of being a Good Samaritan and having empathy for someone in a difficult situation…

In this case it looks to me like the Durango might have been placed in the ditch on purpose, so as to attract a Good Samaritan to rob. Never stop to help in such a situation. Use your cell phone and inform Law Enforcement that someone needs help. Many Cell Phones also have GPS, so you can provide the coordinates of the location. Please Stay Safe Dear Empaths.

Click on this Link to visit The Post and Courier news website to read their news article titled “Coroner’s Office identifies man fatally shot in North Charleston, two teens face murder charges.”.

By using Mirroring, Narcissists achieve great success in establishing deep rapport with their Target. Mirror Neuron Science explains how this happens inside the brain.

Yes, I have a deep fascination of Mirroring. I also have a deep respect for it’s ability to influence and making it easy to manipulate others. It is a major Red Flag to watch for.

The video below discusses Mirror Neurons inside Human Brains.

Video is courtesy of the Integr8 YouTube channel

Husband kills family, then self

The female had called police about a verbal argument with her husband saying that she had feared for her life. The Police came to the home, but the husband was no longer there. The police informed her about getting a Protection From Abuse Order. She indicated that she would do so, but never followed through. Trauma Bonding messes up the logical thinking of the abused victim.

If the Police are suggesting to get a Protection From Abuse Order, then do it. The husband apparently purchased a legal handgun the following day.

Abusive and Disordered people fear abandonment. Some fear abandonment more than they fear death. The abuse is to keep the victim in line and under control.

The Disordered Individual cannot handle losing control. One solution is to eliminate the problem. Because Narcissists know right from wrong (unlike with Psychopaths where right or wrong do not exist) they will realize that they just murdered their family. The embarrassment of going to trial and media attention would be too great for their fragile Ego to handle. So they kill themselves.

If you are in an abusive relationship and considering leaving, please contact your local Law Enforcement. They can also inform you of other assistance available to you – like Battered Women’s Shelters. Listen to the Police and follow through by getting any suggested Court Orders. By getting Law Enforcement to visit the family home, a Disordered Individual such as an abusive Narcissist could reconsider escalating the violence, since it has now been made public. It anything goes to Court, a Police Officer’s testimony will trump a Narcissist’s great sounding BS.

The video below is a Heads Up that Disordered Individuals can damage way more than your emotional well being. They can literally destroy you and possibly your children. Learning about the Red Flags to watch for is so very important. Better to walk away when multiple Red Flags are displayed, than becoming involved with a Disordered Individuals and later getting emotionally and or physicically abused or even killed.

Video is courtesy of the Inside Edition YouTube channel

Home Coming series by John Bradshaw as broadcast on PBS. Part 1: The Problem of the Wonderful Inner Child.

If you grew up with an Abusive Parent and in a Dysfunctional Household, there is a high probability that you may have a wounded child inside of you. An adult can escape from an abusive relationship, but a child never has that option.

John Bradshaw’s Home Coming was a series which was broadcast by Public Broadcasting in the US. This video is the first of many in the series.

If you are an adult who grew up in a Dysfunctional Household and are trying to understand what the hell happened to your childhood, might I suggest looking into finding a licensed therapist to help in your healing. You might be trying to deal with symptoms of Complex PTSD on your own and it is far from easy.

The Home Coming series and other videos and books from John Bradshaw might help you make some sense of what your parent(S) put you though.

I’m posting this because a visitor to this blog left me a comment about their situation. Hope that this post might be of help (John Bradshaw’s Home Coming video series is old, but it is filled with great info). I feel for you my friend.

John Bradshaw – Home Coming – Part 1:
The Problem of the Wonderful Inner Child

Video is courtesy of the Ebo Peerbooms YouTube channel

I assume that the Ebo Peerbooms YouTube channel has permission to share the Homecoming series. It has been posted on YouTube for over 8 months.

Click on this link to visit the official John Bradshaw website.

Click on this link to visit amazon.com to view the books and videos by John Bradshaw.

When you leave an abusive relationship, you enter into the world of Abuse Recovery. It will take time and it can be painful.

A first person account of going through Abuse Recovery. It will not be easy. Nor will it be any fun.

One key point from this video is that by hanging in there, you can reach the light at the end of that dark tunnel.

I believe that a lot of people need to view this video, to help them to understand the insanity which they had lived through. It’s also important to hear that you were not the only one who was targeted, used and abused by a Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath. It helps to listen to the Red Flags mentioned, which were found in the presenter’s Toxic Relationship

Videos like this one, take guts to make public. IMHO, videos like this one are Extremely Important.

Video is courtesy of the Angel Speaks YouTube channel

Cluster-B Disordered Individuals mess up many loving and caring people. This IMHO is the fault of the Educational Systems. Just as there are Sex Education classes, there should also be training about the Red Flags displayed by Cluster-B Disordered Individuals. Have videos such as this one, shown to every High School, College and University graduating group.

A friend ended up in a Hospital for months after the Malignant Narcissist that she had married, went into a rage. No one ever taught her about the Red Flags to look for. She married and was isolated from friends and family, by moving to another country. Becoming isolated and totally dependent on a Cluster-B Disordered individual opens the door to major physical abuse. All my friend had to talk to were the Flying Monkeys, that is the Malignant Narc’s family. She learned about the Red Flags, after major damage was done.

Never forget that you are special, unique and worthy of being treated with care, attention and Real LOVE.

Quote "Never forget that you are special, unique and worthy of being treated with care, attention and Real LOVE." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote: “Never forget that you are special, unique and worthy of being treated
with care, attention and Real LOVE.

 

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Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. Place your mouse cursor on the image. Then right Click and then choose Save Image As.

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Spotting Emotional Manipulation

Has someone played with your emotions in the past?

Has someone hurt your feelings, but then turned it around and made it “Your Fault”?
Did you then feel guilty?

Really good presentation about Emotional Manipulation and how a Puppet Master trains someone into submission and silence.

If you see these Red Flags in your relationship, you may want to seek help and reconsider remaining in such an emotionally manipulative / abusive relationship.

Video is courtesy of the Angel Speaks YouTube channel

Red Flag of a Psychopath – Logical Inconsistency

Logical Inconsistency is an important Red Flag of Psychopaths.

Video is courtesy of the BA Recovery YouTube channel

This lady is an uncommon resource. Lots of people try and inform others about Cluster-B Disordered Individuals. So does she, but she has the “Training” and “2 University Degrees” to back up her words.

Click on this Link to visit her Tumblr Blog Called Brave Recovery. The focus of her Blog is Psychopathy. Looks like a really good resource for info about Psychopaths.

An Adult can escape from an Abusive Narcissist and go No Contact. A Child never has that option, when one or more of their parents is an Abusive Narcissist.

Quote "An Adult can escape from an Abusive Narcissist and go No Contact. A Child never has that option, when one or more of their parents is an Abusive Narcissist." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote: “An Adult can escape from an Abusive Narcissist and go No Contact. A Child
never has that option, when one or more of their parents is an Abusive Narcissist.

 

Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
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What Does It Say About Me that I Fell for the Narcissist and His Lies?

You aren’t a Lesbian…you are just Narcissistic

THE LESBIAN BORDERLINE

Click on the link to visit the post titled “

THE LESBIAN BORDERLINE
For the Love of Mother

By Shari Schreiber, M.A.
www.GettinBetter.com

The first line of her post is:

I’ve never met a lesbian who didn’t have significant issues with her mother.“.

My exposure to Lesbians may be limited, but the ones that I have crossed paths with, that quote applies.

Mother issues are also something that seem to to be common with Narcissists.

I do not know if Psychopaths also have Mother Issues.

This reminds me of a video of a therapy session with an angelic looking 6 year old girl who was a diagnosed Psychopath. She would steal and hide large sharp knives. Why? She stated without hesitation, that she wanted to use the knives to kill her baby brother and her adopted Mother. Her reply was matter of fact, no emotion.

Robert Hare PHD had discussed that therapy video in his book Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us”.

Shari Schreiber’s post is an informative read.