Quote “Don’t let people treat you like a cigarette, they only use you when they’re bored and step on you when they’re done.” by Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day

Came across an awesome quote from Billie Joe Armstrong of the band Green Day:Don’t let people treat you like a cigarette, they only use you when they’re bored and step on you when they’re done.”.

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Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. I make absolutely no claims to Billie Joe Armstrong’s awesome words.

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Transcending addiction and redefining recovery by Jacki Hillios

Phoenix Multisport’s Director of Research and Evaluation, Jacki Hillios, PhD, discusses the importance of connecting with others and being with others to help one to overcome any Addiction which they are suffering from. Jacki Hillios ideas go well with the results of the Rat Park Experiment.

This video and Rat Park videos in my opinion apply to those human beings who have suffered by being in Mentally and or Physically abusive relationships. In my opinion,  they may have developed an “Addiction” to their Abuser. As with other forms, Addiction is very hard to overcome especially when the Victim of Abuse is all alone with no money and no support system. They are unable to leave their Abuser. Some call it Trauma Bonding and Stockholm Syndrome.

The key part of the approach mentioned by Jacki is to keep the Addicts involved doing things with other humans (whether the others are Addicts or not). The connections that they build stop the need to replace the lack of connection with a drug. Highly Addicted Rats became un-addicted when they were placed in a Rat Park Environment. They connected with others of their own kind. They had things to do together. Exactly the same core things which Jacki Hillios mentioned in her TEDx Talk.

Moving to a different city or country, the Victims in Abusive Relationships leave behind friends, family and even co-workers. They become isolated. The Abuser will instill the fear to not mention the abuse to others. They have no one to talk to. They have no one who cares enough to help them. They are alone and so could become  stuck and unable to leave their abuser.

Video is courtesy of the TEDX Talks YouTube channel

Quote “In order to feel connected, you need to be Seen, Heard and Valued” by Baya Voce

Quote

Quote: “In order to feel connected, you need to be Seen, Heard and Valued” by Baya Voce

Copyright 2017 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International.

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The Simple Cure for Loneliness by Baya Voce

TEDX Talks in Salt Lake City featured a presentation of The Simple Cure for Loneliness by Baya Voce

Video is courtesy of the TEDx Talks YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit The Singju Post to read the Transcript of the Baya Voce’s TEDx presentation “The Simple Cure for Loneliness”.

Click on this link to visit the the official website of Baya Voce.

Click on this link to visit the official facebook page of Baya Voce.

The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins

Mel Robbins presents a way to interrupt the negative thought patterns that have become encoded in one’s brain (via repetition) and have become “habitual”. Once you interrupt an embedded habit, you could also use the interrupt to trigger a new positive thought and behavior pattern. Rinse and repeat cycle to embed that new and more positive habit.

After ending a negative and abusive relationship one could be filled with anxiety and self doubt. Repeating a thought process helps it to become automatic. The Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule could help one to break negative habits and establish new and more positive habits on the journey to recovery.

At first, I thought that her rule seemed too simplistic. I decided to try the Mel Robbins  5 Second Rule. I was surprised that it worked for me.

Self-doubt is a dream-killer.
The Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule
could help you end it.

Video is courtesy of the Mel Robbins YouTube channel

The results of the Rat Park Experiment, could apply to Victims of Relationship Abuse

Updated yet again on Apr 28 2017.

 

Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding) is said to keep those being abused, in the abusive relationship. They cannot leave their abuser.

I am posting this because I believe there is something to learn from the Rat Cage / Rat Park experiments.

I believe that victims of relationship abuse are stuck in the equivalent of an empty Rat Cage. They feel alone and not connected to anyone who cares about them. They may have been isolated from Family and Friends by physically moving to a different city. Abusers instinctively seem to know that if they can isolate someone, then they can control them and physically or mentally abuse them without outside interference. Again without a support structure, the victim is alone as in the isolated Rat Cage.

The drug in this scenario is the Abuser. Just as Rats isolated in a Rat Cage became addicted, so do the Abuse Victims. If the Victim does leave, then they could suffer from PTSD or worse. They will constantly think about the Abuser and often return to their Abuser, even after horrific physical abuse. In my opinion, this is highly similar to addiction.

Further proof of this concept comes from the same Rat Cage / Rat Park experiment. When the isolated and heavily addicted rats are moved out of an isolated environment into a Rat Park with lots of other rats and lots of stimulating things to do and play with, they lose their addiction.

Going further, Victims of abuse need to move into a Rat Park environment. They need to be among people who care. Friends and family who will morally support them. They need to also have fun. Being abused is “NOT FUN”. I suspect that once the victim is moved into a Rat Park type environment, then their addiction to the abuser could dissipate without symptoms of PTSD etc.

That brings up the lack of such a Rat Park environment for Abuse Victims. They should be surrounded by people who care, people who will try to help them. People who will talk to them. One common theme from Victims going thru forms of Therapy is that they cry their eyes out during the therapy sessions. They have no one to talk to. They feel that no one cares. Like the Rats in the isolated Rat cage. The Rats become addicted to the point of destroying themselves. Victims become addicted to their Abuser. For many victims this addiction destroys them. In my opinion, the Rat Park experiment shows the need to create a Human equivalent of a Rat Park for Victims of Abuse, so that victims can end their “Addiction” to their Abuser.

We have Women’s Shelters filled with women seeking help but percentage wise rather few “Helpers”. We have Therapy, which costs money that the abuse Victim may not have. No money, equals No Help. We have Public Housing, but with long waiting lists. We have legal aid for people convicted of a crime, but Victims of Relationship Abuse may not “qualify”. Society has a disorienting and disconnected patchwork of supposed help and so Victims cannot get away. It may not just be Trauma Bonding which is holding them back. As a society, we do not have an all inclusive support system,  like a Rat Park human equivalent environment,  to help Abuse Victims if they want to leave their Abuser, Heal and Recover. So they remain “stuck” in Abusive Relationships.

I have received email comments suggesting that it may be the Victim’s lack of confidence to express their feeling that could be at fault. A Victim’s typical inability to establish and enforce clear boundaries is in my opinion, a Learned Survival Mechanism. During early childhood, we learn how to survive in our home environment. Some kids are lucky and are born into loving and caring families. Other kids are not so lucky and have to adapt and learn behaviors to survive. That applies to Disordered Individuals also. One’s early childhood helps to form the future Adult. The work of the late Alice Miller readily comes to mind. I have referred to Abysmal Parenting or the lack of Parenting as being the primary cause of adult dysfunction. Many a Narcissist was not raised by their Birth Mother for example. On the other hand, when a Victim is physically being beaten Black and Blue, IMHO clearly the Abuser is at fault and “not” the Victim.

Video is courtesy of the Alice Miller YouTube channel

There was a video posted here of an English couple. The Husband gave his wife a couple of black eyes one night. The Police showed up and his attitude was as if nothing wrong happened. He called out to his wife and asked if she wanted to speak to the Police. Thankfully the Police had body video recorders running.

I have a friend who was isolated to a different country by a very Disordered Individual. Once isolated, the abuse became physical. One time she was beaten so badly that she ended up being hospitalized for months.  It was not her inability to speak up for herself that is to blame. If you start to speak up for yourself to a very disordered individual, you could very well be beaten Black and Blue. IMHO the Abuser is at fault and they are totally responsible for their behavior. View the video in the link shown above. Getting two black eyes was not the Victim’s fault.

I believe that when one learns about the Red Flags and if one starts to see multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis then one is able to get a better idea of who one is interacting with. It has nothing to do with putting labels on people before they do anything wrong. If one does not take heed of those Red Flags and falls prey to an Abuser, then it’s too late. Yes, people are out there who abuse other people. Yes, there are people with Codependent Traits and lots of Empathy, who seem to be attracted to those who abuse. Those who will abuse others also seem to be rather attracted to those who have lots of Empathy and Codependent traits. People call someone an Abuser after they have abused someone. It is not a matter of innocent until proven guilty. They get called that label because they have abused their victim. All abuse is bad, but some abuse is horrific.

I’m posting this for everyone to think about it. The videos below give more details about Dr. Bruce Alexander and his Rat Park experiment. BTW that Rat Park experiment has been repeated many times, with the same results. So it has been scientifically proven.

Video is courtesy of the MinuteVideos YouTUbe channel

Video is courtesy of the Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell YouTube channel

Video is courtesy of The Agenda with Steve Paikin YouTube channel

Quote “Real love requires respect, compassion, compromise and striving for what’s best for both of you. Real love empowers, not shatters.” by Rose Cora Perry

Post by Rose Cora Perry

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Quote:Real love requires respect, compassion, compromise and striving for what’s best for both of you. Real love empowers, not shatters.” by Rose Cora Perry

Copyright © Rose Cora Perry.

“Away I Go” by Rose Cora Perry

Post graciously provided by Rose Cora Perry

Away I Goby Rose Cora Perry

Video courtesy of the Rose Cora Perry YouTube channel

My name is Rose Cora Perry and I’m a Canadian Singer/Songwriter. “Away I Go” is the first single off of my new critically-acclaimed album, “Onto the Floor” .

Uniquely Narcissistic approached me about featuring my track on their website because of its strong depiction of an unhealthy romantic relationship.

Both the lyrics and music video for my song are inspired by true events from my own life: a tragic tale of romance, betrayal and the music biz. I share my story with others as a means of relating through the universal power and language of music and also to provide others with hope that they too can overcome their struggles and become stronger from them.

All relationships are based on fulfilling fundamental needs such as companionship and a desire to share mutual interests but love never should be selfish, self-serving nor one-sided. One’s motivation for being in a relationship should never be to achieve certain aims or goals to the detriment of their partner.

Real love requires respect, compassion, compromise and striving for what’s best for both of you. Real love empowers not shatters.

Rose Cora Perry

www.rosecoraperry.com

Official site for the Canadian independent musician, journalist, photography model and social issues advocate. Creator of So You Wanna be in a Rock Band?, Call Me Old-Fashioned But… and Psych Your Mind. Owner of HER Media Group and MusicSaves. Former frontwoman for Anti-Hero and HER.

Click on this link to visit the Rose Cora Perry facebook page.

Click on this link to visit the Rose Cora Perry YouTube channel.

Click on this link to visit So You wanna be in a Rock band? facebook page.

Steve Stephens the Cleveland Easter Killer. Zero Empathy for his victims and Zero Remorse.

The Steve Stephens video has him talking about himself. He speaks of killing 13 people and hunting for the 14th victim. It’s all about him.

Zero empathy for anyone.
Zero remorse for what he has done and will do.

These videos are a rare view of a reactive Psychopath. Never forget that the Spectrum of Disorders run from Normal Narcissism (yes a small amount of Narcissism is normal) to Malignant Narcissist to Killer Psychopath. If someone is already towards the malignant end of the spectrum, it would not take much to trigger them to become physically abusive.

Never dare a Disordered Individual to hit you, because they may not know how to stop once they start beating you. Much like Steve Stephens knew exactly what he was doing when he was out hunting for total strangers to kill.  He was unable to stop, once he got himself started.

The following video is of a very long rant by the Psychopath Steve Stephens. It’s all about him. It’s not his fault. It his ex-girlfriend’s fault and his Mother’s fault. He justifies his action in a telephone conversation saying that he did what he did because has anger and frustration. He states that he killed 13 people and does so without any emotion. ZERO EMPATHY for anyone.

Video is courtesy of the MGTOW Syndicon YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit The Daily Beast news site to read their article titled: “Cleveland Facebook Killer Steve Stephens Tortured Pets as a Teen, Neighbor Says

Click on this link to visit the NBC News site to read their post titled: “Cleveland Facebook Killer: Spotted at McDonald’s, Steve Stephens Shoots Self Dead After Pa. Police Chase”.

“Grandiose Narcissists Don’t Care” by Dr. George Simon


Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Dr. George Simon has a new interesting post on his website. The following is a short quote from his article titled “Grandiose Narcissists Don’t Care“.

Grandiose narcissists will use and abuse you. And they’ll do so without compunction. They may see you simply as an object to possess or an opportunity to exploit. That’s because they lack two important capacities: shame and empathy.

Click on this link to read the complete “Grandiose Narcissists Don’t Care” post on Dr. Simon’s website.

Dr. George Simon also has a weekly Internet Radio program called Character Matters. See the info below about his show:

Character Matters will again air live this Easter Sunday evening at 7 pm EDT (6 pm CDT).

He is also the author of 3 bestselling books: In Sheep’s Clothing (which has been translated into 12 foreign languages), Character Disturbance, and The Judas Syndrome.  He has a wealth of experience, which he is freely sharing. His website, at www.drgeorgesimon.com, is well worth following.

Gaslighting. Kristin Snowden details how to uncover and overcome emotionally abusive Gaslighting behavior.

Kristin Snowden discusses Gaslighting as a form of relational trauma. Her video hopes to help people identify how this Emotionally Abusive Behavior can be uncovered and overcome.

Long term exposure to relational trauma could lead to the development of Depression, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD and Complex PTSD.

Video is courtesy of the Kristin Snowden YouTube channel

Click on this Link to visit Kristin Snowden’s website.

Yes, this is a long video, but Kristin knows what she is talking about.  I believe it is very informative and well worth watching. Kristin Snowden is an experienced Licensed Therapist.

Kristin Minto Snowden, LMFT 
California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #81413
Individual, Couples, and Family Therapy Treating Addiction Recovery, Relationships, Intimacy, Betrayal Trauma (Infidelity), Divorce Recovery, and Family Issues.

Long Term effects of Emotional Abuse. An interview with Emma Wicks

Narcissists will try to Gaslight the victim that their actions were not abusive or that any problems in the relationship are totally  the fault of the Victim. In the privacy of their shared home, the Disordered Individual will not give a 2nd thought to verbally and emotionally abusing their victim. But in public, their behavior changes to project a false image that are caring and loving, while the Victim is made out to be the abuser in the relationship. Crazy making is an apt description. Victims could end up with PTSD and Complex PTSD as a result of being exposed to long term Emotional Abuse.

Video is courtesy of the Kati Morton YouTube channel.

Female Narcissist Versus Male Narcissist

This video discusses the differences between the Somatic Female Narcissist and a typical Male Narcissist.

Video is courtesy of the From Surviving To Thriving!! YouTube channel

Depression, Exhaustion, and assorted Anxiety Disorders could be caused by Narcissistic Abuse

This young woman was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Long-term exposure to stress could cause numerous Anxiety Disorders, along with feelings of Exhaustion and Depression.

Video is courtesy of the Healing from Bad Relationships YouTube channel

Narcissistic Abuse is the Narcissist’s gift that just keeps on giving and destroying the potential for a life which the victim “could have lived”.

8 things a Narcissist cannot do for you. Posted on the A Conscious Rethink blog

Quote “In the Narcissist’s Mind, YOU “deserved it””

Inthe Narcissists mind you deserved it-web

Quote: “In the Narcissist’s Mind, YOU “deserved it””

Quote “In the Narcissist’s mind, the Victim “deserved it”.”

Inthe Narcissists Mind-web

Quote: “In the Narcissist’s mind, the Victim “deserved it”.”

Copyright 2017 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International.

Place your mouse cursor on the image. Then right Click and then choose Save Image As.

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Narcissists could use Social Media to publicly humiliate their victim, to spread rumors and lies and to Gaslight them.

One of our visitors had an eye opening experience being attacked on Social Media. Their Narcissistic Ex used Social Media to spread lies and rumors. Then the Flying Monkeys went to town attacking the Victim. It is also not unheard of, for a Narcissist to have multiple social media accounts and use different personas to attack and Gaslight their victim.

The victim was left dazed, confused and emotionally battered. The Narcissist probably had a huge grin and was likely oh so proud of themselves for emotionally devastating their target.

In the Narcissist’s mind, the Victim “deserved it”.

video is courtesy of the Angie Atkinson YouTube channel

When dealing with a problem Narcissist
on Social Media,
be prepared to
Expect the Unexpected from the Narcissist.