Search results for: red flags

8 Red Flags to Watch for

In a healthy relationship, partners naturally try to be there for each other. In the mind of a Disordered Individual, you are there to serve their own needs and your needs do not matter.

Video is courtesy of the Be The Light YouTube channel

In a healthy relationship there can be Open Dialague between the two partners. In a relationship with a Disordered Individual their monologue is what is important. They do NOT care to listen to what you have to say.

I came across a great article which discusses what I would call 8 Red Flags to watch out for.

Click on this link to visit the Lessons Learned in Life website to read their article titled: “Watch out: If a Man Does These 8 Things, He Doesn’t Truly Value You“.

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Warning Signs and Red Flags that he is a Narcissist

Derrick Jaxn describes the Warning Signs and Red Flags which you will encounter, when in a relationship with a Narcissist. Always watch for such Red Flags.

If the Warning Signs are persisistent, you may want to seriously consider Going No Contact. Staying with a Narcissist will allow the Narcissist to continue to attack and destroy YOU and if given the opportunity, they will.

Video is courtesy of the Derrick Jaxn YouTube channel

Red Flags that you are Dating a Loser by Joseph M. Carver, Clinical Psychologist.

A special note of Thanks to Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D for permitting us to share his article:

“The Loser”

Warning Signs You’re Dating a Loser

Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist

Introduction

Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the beginning, “the honeymoon” of the relationship, it’s difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.

Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A relationship with the wrong individual however can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and even physical damage. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the “fatal attraction” often described in movies. There are a variety of “bad choices” that may be encountered each week – most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled “The Loser”.

“The Loser” is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. “The Loser” has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of “The Loser”, women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of “The Loser” and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with “The Loser” in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present – it’s not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by “The Loser” if you stay in the relationship.

1. Rough Treatment “The Loser” will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.

2. Quick Attachment and Expression “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” – where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!” You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you’ll miss the major point – it doesn’t make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment – not three weeks. It’s true that we can become infatuated with others quickly – but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause “The Loser” to detach from you as quickly as they committed. “The Loser” typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.

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Quote “It is my attraction to some of those Red Flags that causes problems. The Love Bombing makes me feel oh so special. The feeling that you have met your Soul Mate is indescribable.”

Quote

Quote:It is my attraction to some of those Red Flags that causes problems. The Love Bombing makes me feel oh so special. The feeling that you have met your Soul Mate is indescribable.

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Psychotherapist Terri Cole discusses Traits and Red Flags, to help you tell if you are dating a Narcissist.

Video is courtesy of the Terri Cole YouTube channel

Terri Cole also wrote:

When it comes to being in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s difficult to find any real intimacy because everything is about your functionality in their life. Narcissists can love only on a superficial level. As long as you are doing what they think you are supposed to be doing, all is well (and when i say ‘well’ I mean they get what they want and you stay unsatisfied, unseen and unheard.) The moment you deny them exactly what they want, look out! They will explode, get mean and do just about anything to get you back in line with their plan. If you don’t comply, they will leave.

Actions and conversations with a narcissist all revolve around building them up, even when it’s “about you,” it’s really about them – they get to “show you off to their friends.” That isn’t about you at all. It’s about their ego and how you make them look.

You can learn more about Terri Cole by visiting her website by clicking on this line.

You can also checkout her social Media pages as listed below:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TerriColeLCS...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/terri_cole
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
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Terri Cole’s video above, reminded me of a particular Somatic Narcissist that I once had to deal with.

Red Flags: How to Identify a Psychopathic Bond

The most important self-defense against psychopathic seducers consists of recognizing the initial warning signals so that you can escape the relationship early on, hopefully before you’re seriously…

Source: Red Flags: How to Identify a Psychopathic Bond

This post is courtesy of psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com. Please visit their extremely informative site by clicking on this line.

Red Flags of Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Jeni Mawter

Usage tip. When the slides below start to display and if you have a mouse with a center wheel on the top of the mouse, place your cursor onto the displayed slide. Now turn that center wheel and you can scroll back and forth thru the slides, using the center wheel. I find it easier to do that, than to use the arrows just below the slide display.

 

Click on this link to visit the website run by Jeni Mawter

When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

Quote "When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
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Red Flags of a Liar. How to Spot a Liar by Pamela Meyer

This is another very good TED Talks. Pamela Meyer is the author of the book titled “Liespotting“.

She presents ways to recognize deception, ways to recognize the Red Flags of a Liar.

clues to detect those lies can be subtle and counter-intuitive

Pamela Meyers shows patterns of deception and details the clues. Clues like distancing and using more formal language. Clues like changes in Body Language.

Exceptional video filled with helpful detail to help one to recognize the Red Flags of Liars and to better recognize deception.

Video is courtesy of the TED YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit Pamela Meyer‘s website called Liespotting – Proven Techniques to spot desception.

>Click on this link to visit amazon.com to learn more about Pamela Meyer‘s book titled “Liespotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception.

Click on this link to visit the Liespotting facebook page.

Click on this link to visit the Google Books review of Liespotting, which also includes a few sample pages from the book.

Red Flags of Codependency. Being prone to Love Bombing is Red Flag #1 of Codependents

Narcissists use Love Bombing to reel in their prey. Codependents tend to be very prone to be taken in by Love Bombing techniques.

The video starts off with a description of what Love Bombing looks like.

Very well presented Red Flag from the point of view of the Codependent Target/Victim. Her analogy of an empty bucket is food for thought.

Video is courtesy of the Thrive After Abuse YouTube channel

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka potential future Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (her surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (err surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel

30+ Red Flags. Avoiding Dysfunctional & Abusive Relationships

span style=”font-size:large;”>In the video, over 30 Red Flags are discussed. They can provide one with insight, about the character and integrity of the individual you are interacting with. Low levels of Integrity impact all aspects of a person’s life.

IMHO Integrity is paramount, at work and in a Love Relationship.

Leo Gura points out that shady people, live a shady life. Falling in Love tends to Blind one to the potential dire reality.

The 30 plus Red Flags discussed in this video are not your typical Red Flags posted on sites dealing with Narcissism. They are more about Morals and Ethics. The more Red Flags that you know about, the better equipped you will be to watch for Red Flags given off by Disordered individuals.

No one should get manipulated into an Abusive Relationship. Knowledge is Power, it can help one make better life choices.

Insightful video. Leo Gura’s 30 plus Red Flags can help one with Avoiding Dysfunctional & Abusive Relationships.

Video is courtesy of the Actualized.org YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit Leo Gura’s website http://www.actualized.org

5 Relationship Red Flags which are not so obvious and so we confuse them with Real Love

There are a few posts on this site which discuss the major Red Flags to watch for. Those are typical and obvious Red Flags, which many have posted about.

This video goes beyond that. Dr. Rose Moten discuss less obvious behavioural Red Flags which could be mistaken as your “other” being Love Struck with you.

Lots of points to learn and keep in mind when starting a new relationship. Behaviour which does not stand out, like Love Bombing or Mirroring, can be easily dismissed. Red Flags should be noted. The more Red Flags found, increases the odds that you could be interacting with a Disordered Individual.

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Most important Red Flags of a Narcissist

There are many Red Flags given off by Narcissists. Love Bombing for one. Mirroring is a big one, which I tend to consistently harp on about.

There are a couple of key things which the Narcissist will not hide from you. One is in my opinion the “most important Red Flag“. Ask the potential Narcissist about their childhood. Were they brought up by their Birth Mother? If they were still an infant and they were adopted out or given to other family members (say Grand Parents) to be brought up, that is themost important & biggest Red Flag“.

To better confirm that Red Flag, ask questions about the person’s Birth Mother? If there is any animosity or even outright hatred shown towards their Birth Mother, that is “yet another major Red Flag” which also confirms your perception of the biggest Red Flag.

It is my opinion that Narcissists are created due to Abandonment Trauma(s) suffered while still an infant, before the left hemisphere of the brain is developed. The Trauma(s) change how the Brain Develops – ie it’s a Hardware-Wiring issue and so Narcissists can not be changed via a treatment protocol.  MRI Brain Scans seem to confirm “my opinion”.

Joseph Burgo, in a radio interview, alluded to the coincidence that many diagnosed Narcissists had been abandoned in their early childhood. They were adopted out. They were transferred to other family members (Grandparents) to be cared for.

All the Narcissists who I got to know, had issues with their Mother. Yes the issues varied between a coldness to outright disdain.

Sam Vaknin wrote something confirming this in a review of the book titled “The Abandoned Child Within: On Losing and Regaining Self-Worth

Sam Vaknin wrote:

“Underneath this colourful maelstrom lies an hypothesis: pathological narcissism is the direct outcome of early childhood abuse and trauma, mainly in the form of abandonment or neglect. Narcissism, in other words, is a defense against hurt and emotional injury.”.

A female Somatic Narc had a pronounced dislike of her Mother. In stark contrast, she and her Dad were fine. Events in the past when one is an infant can have profound affects which can last a lifetime.

A Cerebral Narc would not speak to their Mother when she came in tears because her own Mother had just passed away. The Cerebral Narc’s Grandmother dies and the Narc could not be bothered to come and talk and try to comfort their own Mother. . Would a non Cluster-B Disordered Individual, who has Empathy for the suffering of others behave that way?.

Being brought up by other family members like Grand Parents can cause Abandonment Trauma. To the Grand Parents it’s a burden to “have to” feed, cloth and bring up their daughter’s infant child. They already brought up their own kids.

The distrust of the Birth Mother for being abandoned and sent off to live with strangers (yes they are Grand Parents and an adult understands that but an infant sees themselves being dumped off to some strangers) by the Narc can be life long.

Different people love very differently and sadly some not at all. That description includes Grand Parents. The infant had already lost life’s lottery by being born to a Mother who abandoned them and sent them away to live in another place. Good chance that the Grand Parents were not the kindest and most loving of individuals. So the infant losses again and possibly pays for such loss by developing a Personality Disorder which could prevent them from being able to establish and enjoy “Intimate and Loving” relationships.

Alice Miller has written a post on her site which ties a number of things together. Her post is titled: “The Ignorance or How we produce the Evil”. I’ll  have some quotes below, from that Alice Miller post.

Alice Miller wrote :

“Children who are given love, respect, understanding, kindness, and warmth will naturally develop different characteristics from those who experience neglect, contempt, violence or abuse, and never have anyone they can turn to for kindness and affection. Such absence of trust and love is a common denominator in the formative years of all the dictators I have studied. The result is that these children will tend to glorify the violence inflicted upon them and later to take advantage of every possible opportunity to exercise such violence, possibly on a gigantic scale. Children learn by imitation. Their bodies do not learn what we try to instill in them by words but what they have experienced physically. Battered, injured children will learn to batter and injure others; sheltered, respected children will learn to respect and protect those weaker than themselves. Children have nothing else to go on but their own experiences.

As Alice Miler stated “Children have nothing else to go on but their own experience”. If the infant child experienced Abandonment Trauma they they will not know how to Love someone. They will do to someone else, what had been done to to them. They will use them and abandon them.

Alice Miller also wrote :

The well-known American pediatrician Dr. Brazelton once filmed a group of mothers holding and feeding their babies, each in her own particular way. More than 20 years later he repeated the experiment with the women those babies had grown into and who now had babies themselves. Astoundingly, they all held their babies in exactly the same way as they had been held by their mothers, although of course they had no conscious memories from those early years. One of the things Braselton proved with this experiment was that we are influenced in our behavior by our unconscious memories. And those memories can be life affirming and affectionate or traumatic and destructive.”

It is my opinion, that It is not the Narcissist’s fault for developing such a Personality Disorder. It is up to you whether you want to get involved, in any kind of a relationship, with a Personality Disordered individual.

So recapping the two biggest and in my opinion most important Red Flags of a Narcissist. If you learn that the person was not raised by their Birth Mother that is IMHO the most important and biggest of all the Red Flags. Major issues with their Birth Mother is another confirming major Red Flag.

The more Red Flags that you can spot, the higher the probability that you are interacting with a Personality Disordered Individual.

Watch for the Red Flags.

5 Red Flags of Religious Narcissists, to watch for

I want to stay away from promoting “any” Religious Belief System on this site. This post should not be taken as trying to promote any particular belief system.

I was looking around the internet for posts about the “Soul Mate” line that Narcissist use, while trying to hook a new Target. Google found an interesting post. It is on a website which discusses certain religious beliefs. The post has little to nothing in the way of promoting their belief system. I think that it may be an interesting read for those who cross paths with a Religious Narcissist.

One thing that I disagree with in that post is their use of the label Spiritual Narcissist. Being Spiritual, in my opinion cannot be applied to Narcissists. Of course, you may disagree with me. That is why I am using the label Religious Narcissist.

In the past I had known a couple of Narcissists with a religious bent. One felt that their.way was the only way and would badger the hell out of you, if you let them. They always made sure that they were the life of any party. That was until more than a few drinks loosened their tongue and their self control. They could (and would) consume a lot of liquor. Then they would start preaching about religion. They were one with God and God help you if you said anything to the contrary. Their preaching would burst the party balloon.

Another was a Somatic Narcissist who liked to quote and post Bible verses. Specific verses were applied to themselves to make them look oh so kind, loving and pious. Funny how they could swing both ways, yet any Bible verses remotely against bisexuality (which was against the rules of their belief system) was never mentioned. Their constant self promotion of being a nice, loving, caring, understanding and Religious Person, could get people to lower their defenses. I would not characterize that individual as having any of those traits. It is that Somatic Narcissist who very closely resembles the Narcissistic ways discussed in the post found on that other website.

Essentially that post discusses 5 Red Flags which one could watch for when dealing with a Religious Narcissist. I found it an interesting read and so wanted to share it here.

Click on this line to visit the website to read their post titled : “5 Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist“.

How to spot the red flags and warning signs of NPD