Category: A relationship is all about Control to a Narcissist

Woman was driven to suicide by her boyfriend. He was found guilty and jailed for four years for coercive behaviour and ‘gaslighting’ in landmark case.

Stephen Gane was found guilty and jailed for four years for coercive behaviour and ‘Gaslighting‘ in landmark case. He drove Kellie Sutton to hang herself, only five month after beginning a relationship with her.

Kellie was a Mother of 3 children. She had been single for a couple of years before she was targeted by Stephen Gane.

Her grieving family read the following in court:Kellie was a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a great grand daughter and a mother. She was caring, funny, affectionate, bubbly and kind. She was a loyal friend – the kind of person who would go out of their way to help others. She could not bear to see anyone suffering and would put herself out to help anyone. She didn’t have a bad bone in her body.

From this we can see that Kellie was an Empath. Disordered Individuals can spot an Empath from a mile away. Within weeks of meeting her Steven moved into “her house”.

Kellie’s friend had this to say I told her to stay away from him because he seemed controlling.”. She disliked Stephen and you can be sure Stephen made sure that Kellie was kept away from her friends.

Stephen Gane denied hurting Kellie.  He said they loved each other but their relationship was sometimes ‘volatile’. Disordered Individuals will never admit to doing anything wrong.

He was found guilty of actual bodily harm and one charge of assault by beating. One must assume that splitting her head open, was his way of showing his Love and Affection.

Judge Philip Grey told Stephen Gane: “Kellie was a much loved young woman who had the great misfortune of meeting you.”

“You treated her as a meal ticket. You beat her and ground her down and broke her spirit.”

You’ve shown no evidence of sadness or regret and your behaviour clearly drove Kellie to hang herself that morning.”

 

Disordered Individual will target someone (like you) to “USE” you. Note that Stephen Mane showed “No evidence of sadness or regret. Disordered Individual could care less about others. They do not care how much pain and sorrow they create for others, as long they get what they WANT.

There are MILLIONS of Disordered Individuals, like Staphen Gane, out there. Please watch for the Red Flags. Please listen to your friends, who may spot odd behaviour which signal danger to them.

The only positive thing which will come from the death of this young woman is that she gave her life to spare her children untold horrors which were waiting for them. Imagine having someone like Stephen Gane being the father figure to her three kids? He would have destroyed those kids. Over the 5 months that he lived in Kellie’s house, I’m sure that her kids were tramatized. I hope that they can receive Psychiatric help to help get over the loss of their Mother and over the Traumas caused by Stephen Gane.

The most horrible thought is that he will get out of jail and will seek a new victim. Disordered Individuals cannot be fixed. Their brains are hard wired differently.

A relationship to a Disordered Individual, such as a Narcissist, is all about them gaining Control over their Target.

Video is courtesy of Breaking News Today YouTube channel

You will note one Major Red Flag and Danger Sign mentioned in this video. The Target/Victim became ISOLATED from Friends and Family. A Disordered Individual will work to isolate the Target. That allows greater control of the Target. As you become more and more Isolated, you will become much more vulnerable. Kellie Sutton became isolated and her only option to escape was Suicide.

Click on this link to read the Daily Mail article titled “Mother’s heartbreak after daughter was driven to suicide by her former soldier boyfriend as he is jailed for four years for coercive behaviour and ‘gaslighting’ in landmark case“.

Click on this link to visit the Hertfordshire Police website to read their post titled: “Man who physically and mentally abused his girlfriend is jailed.”

Click on this link to visit The Sun website and read their article titled:” ‘HE IS PURE EVIL’ Mother’s anguish over daughter who was driven to suicide by her boyfriend

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Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist, discusses the link between Attachment Injuries and Codependency

Attachment Injuries during childhood are directly linked to adult Codependency.

You need to give yourself that which you never received when you were a child.

Your Narcissistic Partner will never be the Corrective Experience for that Attachment Injury.

Quite the contrary, the Narcissist was attracted to you because of your Codependency which made it very easy for them to Use and Manipulate you.

You need a healthy relationship, where your partner can show you that they care about and love you and that “you matter” to them.

Narcissists lack empathy and so are unable to care about or love others.

To a narcissist your only value is in you being a source of Narcissistic Supply, which can and usually will be replaced with a better source of Narcissistic Supply. Narcissists are always “hunting” for new and better sources of Narcissistic Supply.

Video is courtesy of the Alan Robarge YouTube channel.

Sex with a Narcissist – Feast or Famine

How to spot a narcissist next time round before it’s too late.

Being in a relationship with a Narcissist once is your life, is in my opinion one time too many.

This video presentation is from the heart by someone who sadly has been there and done that.

How to spot a narcissist next time round before it’s too late.

Quote below is from what was posted with the video on the Daylight out of Darkness YouTube channel :

So I’m not going to give you a list of things to look out for because I actually believe that doesn’t help at all.

I think the most important thing to do is start paying attention to your own feelings inside while you are with that person. to make sure that you are meeting your own needs first. to pay attention to how you feel in the company of this person and I’m not talking about the in love feeling. how much you enjoy all the other interactions with this person and how this person reacts when you are meeting you are needs first on an ongoing basis. also picked up on the energy this person is emitting and how it is influencing you.

On some occasions it’s going to take you a while to realize someone is narcissistic or dysfunctional, but you will notice it after a short while if you are paying attention to your own needs and feelings, and then you can move on with grace.

The more healed you are inside as far as your emotional wounds the less your chances of actually ending up in a serious relationship with a narcissist. that’s why focusing on yourself is the most important criteria when it comes to narcissists and abuse.

Unfortunately the narcissist is like water he just molds to whatever receptacle he is poured into so sometimes it’s near impossible to pick up his narcissism from a checklist.

You are going to have to rely on your internal gauge. I believe this is the most important tool to living a healthy happy life and staying away from these dysfunctional characters. Link below to Daylight out of Darkness, “Shop Front”:
http://daylightoutofdarkness.spreadsh…

Video is courtesy of the

Daylight out of Darkness YouTube channel

Click on this line to also visit the the Daylight out of Darkness Google Plus website.

Click on this line to visit the Daylight out of Darkness Facebook page.

Posted to https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com/
Permission was granted via a Creative Commons License to include the long Quote above into this post.

How to stop Emotional Flashbacks. 4 Important Points to Remember

You are a Survivor. Your Nightmare Abusive Relationship is thankfully over. All is well, then something minor happens which changes your State. All of a sudden you have an Emotional Flashback, which darkens your day.

The 4 points discussed by Leyla Loric in this video, will help you to better understand what is happening. That knowledge could help you to deal with and stop those Emotional Flashbacks.

After a Flashback, you may feel the urge to contact your emotional abuser. Stay safe, by staying “No Contact“. By staying “No Contact” there is no way of you being Hoovered back into the abusive relationship which you had left.

In the past your Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath had picked you as a viable Target. You are now even more vulnerable and they will be more determined to suck you back in and then punish you for leaving them.

You increase your recovery from an abusive relationship by staying “No Contact”.

Video is courtesy of the Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel

Craig Malkin Ph.D. discusses “Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships? The answer is more complicated than you think.”

The Narcissistic Pseudo Relationship: Real to you, but Pretend to them

A Narcissist Hates Women, which stems from suppressed anger they have towards their mother

Narcissists are especially misogynistic.

If you are considered a Low Grade (Low Quality) Source of Narcissistic Supply, then any relationship with the Narcissist will likely be kept hidden from others (often a secret relationship). The Narcissist (especially a Cerebral Narcissist) does not want others to know that they had to stoop to a Low Grade (Low Quality) person.

If you are the opposite and are a High Grade (Quality) Source of Narcissistic Supply, expect the Narcissist to parade you around and show off the relationship to everyone and anyone. A High Grade Source of Narcissistic Supply will become a “Trophy” to the Narcissist.

Video is courtesy of the Overcoming Understanding YouTube channel

Sex and Intimacy to a Narcissist are “Mutually Exclusive”. A relationship is all about Control to a Narcissist.