Category: Abusive Narcissistic Parenting

Long Term effects of Emotional Abuse. An interview with Emma Wicks

Narcissists will try to Gaslight the victim that their actions were not abusive or that any problems in the relationship are totally  the fault of the Victim. In the privacy of their shared home, the Disordered Individual will not give a 2nd thought to verbally and emotionally abusing their victim. But in public, their behavior changes to project a false image that are caring and loving, while the Victim is made out to be the abuser in the relationship. Crazy making is an apt description. Victims could end up with PTSD and Complex PTSD as a result of being exposed to long term Emotional Abuse.

Video is courtesy of the Kati Morton YouTube channel.

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Some children are lucky and are born to loving and caring parents. Others suffer multiple trauma at the hands of their abusive parents.


Abysmal Parenting can put a child thru multiple trauma. Adults with Codependent Traits is one result.  Cluster-B Disordered individuals (and Psychopaths) target adults with Codependent Traits and the abuse continues.

 Video is courtesy of the Top Most Rare YouTube channel

The potential of a new life is shattered by Abysmal Parenting. The shattering of the spirit of a young child is rarely healed. Their life potential is greatly diminished. Once the little kids have been traumatized, what greatness they could have achieved in their lifetime will never be.

An adult can sometimes escape from a relationship with an abusive Cluster-B Disordered individual. I child cannot….

Hug your kids. Show them that you love them and always tell them that they are valued and important. Build up their self esteem, so that as adults they will not be targeted by Narcissists and other Cluster-B disordered individuals.

Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”. Quote by Franz Kafka

Quote "Dear Narcissist, this feeling of being nothing that often dominate me...comes largely from your influence." by Franz Kafka

Quote:Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”.” Quote by Franz Kafka from his “Letter to his Father”.

 

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Abysmal Parenting creates both Narcissists and Codependents via Infant and Childhood Trauma. A Traumatized Individual is attracted to another Traumatized Individual.

Infant Attachment Trauma caused by the Birth Mother or by the infant being given away to be raised by someone other than the Birth Mother (Grandparents or adopted out) can result in a Cluster-B Disordered Individual such as a Narcissist.

Childhood Trauma (later form of Attachment Trauma) caused by one or both parents can result in a Codependent Individual. One or more of the parents could be Cluster-B Disordered.

I am of the opinion that said Individuals (Narcissist or Codependent) are created (not born – ie not genetic) because of variations of Attachment Trauma inflicted on them via Abysmal Parenting.

John Bradshaw’s work raised the awareness of the concept of the Injured Inner Child. I have spoken to people with high levels of Narcissistic Traits, about their childhood. It was like I was talking to a different individual. even their vocal characteristic changed. I have crossed paths with Narcissists and have paid the price. Yet I still feel sorry for them. In my opinion it is not their fault that they are the way they are. The same for folks with Codependent Traits.

Keeping this site going I have again come full circle back to Attachment Trauma. I was reminded of that today while researching the website of a San Francisco Bay area Complex PTSD Therapist. I have to get in touch with him, to see if I can share some of his material on this site.

Taking my theory further, a relationship between a Narcissist and a Codependent could result in further Trauma. The Codependent could develop PTSD (or Complex PTSD if the relationship had been a long term one). The Narcissist could also suffer Trauma in the form of Narcissist Injury (Abandonment Trauma), from the loss of their valued Source of Narcissistic Supply. In the extreme, the Narcissist could attempt Suicide because of that Trauma and injury (I have witnessed this with Somatic Narcissists). Both types of individuals were created due to Trauma and when combined into a relationship both end up creating more Trauma. The Codependent could also develop Trauma Bonding if the relationship becomes abusive, and cannot leave.

Narcissists are attracted to Codependents.

Codependents are attracted to Narcissists.

Maybe the Injured Inner Child (see Alice Miller’s book titled : “The Drama of The Gifted Child and John Bradshaw’s books and videos about the Inner Child) of each type of individual can somehow pickup on the injured Inner Child in the other type of individual. The Injured Inner Child could be the source of the attraction between Codependents and Narcissists.

The common theme in the above is Trauma. The destructive Domino cascade is initiated by Extremely Poor to non-existent Parenting. Another area where our Educational Systems have failed Society. How many of you reading this, have had courses which detailed Great Parenting?

The most important role that a Human can have is to become a Great Parent. Yet we get zero formal training. I have had to take many courses in say Accounting and Statistics which I will “never” use. I have had zero courses detailing how to be a Great Parent. Does this make sense to you???

Losing Life’s Birth Lottery, What their life “Could Have Been”, will “Never Ever Be”.

Quote "New Born Baby loses Life’s Birth Lottery, ending up with an abusive Parent or Parents, they also lose their Future Potential. What their life “Could Have Been”, will “Never Ever Be”. " by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

QuoteWhen a New Born Baby loses Life’s Birth Lottery, ending up with an abusive Parent or Parents, they also lose their Future Potential. What their life “Could Have Been”, will “Never Ever Be”.“.

 

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Childhood Insecurity Can Impair Adult Emotional Regulation | Psych Central News

New research suggests early childhood experiences can influence the way individuals manage stressful situations in adulthood. For example, imagine two candidates at a high stakes job interview. One of them handles the pressure with ease and sails through the interview. The other candidate, however, feels very nervous and under-performs. Experts explain that the emotional bonds we develop with a parent or primary caregiver in early childhood are thought to be the basis of our ability to regulate our emotions as adults. ‘We know from other studies that our history of attachment directly influences how we act in social situations;’ explained Dr. Christine Heinisch, one of the authors of the study; ‘but what about reaction to a neutral stimulus under emotional conditions?’ A good example of this in daily life, says Dr. Heinisch, is when a car approaches a traffic light. Under neutral conditions, it is easy for the driver to follow the signal. But what happens under emotional conditions?

Source: Childhood Insecurity Can Impair Adult Emotional Regulation | Psych Central News

Parentification and Narcissistic Parenting can lead to Complex PTSD in the Adult child

“A very subtle way to create damage in children is to turn the chosen scapegoat child into a parent.

This process is called Parentification, not to be confused with parenting. In Parentification the parent gives up what they are supposed to do as a parent and transfers that responsibility to the scapegoat child. Hence the scapegoat child becomes parentified.”

Video is courtesy of the Light of Knowledge YouTube channel

Home Coming series by John Bradshaw as broadcast on PBS. Part 1: The Problem of the Wonderful Inner Child.

If you grew up with an Abusive Parent and in a Dysfunctional Household, there is a high probability that you may have a wounded child inside of you. An adult can escape from an abusive relationship, but a child never has that option.

John Bradshaw’s Home Coming was a series which was broadcast by Public Broadcasting in the US. This video is the first of many in the series.

If you are an adult who grew up in a Dysfunctional Household and are trying to understand what the hell happened to your childhood, might I suggest looking into finding a licensed therapist to help in your healing. You might be trying to deal with symptoms of Complex PTSD on your own and it is far from easy.

The Home Coming series and other videos and books from John Bradshaw might help you make some sense of what your parent(S) put you though.

I’m posting this because a visitor to this blog left me a comment about their situation. Hope that this post might be of help (John Bradshaw’s Home Coming video series is old, but it is filled with great info).

John Bradshaw – a few excerpts from Home Coming – Part 1:
The Problem of the Wonderful Inner Child

Video is courtesy of the John Bradshaw YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit the official John Bradshaw website.

Click on this link to visit amazon.com to view the books and videos by John Bradshaw.

Narcissistic Parent(s) – A Daughter’s Story

Mind boggling emotional abuse of their daughter, by a Narcissistic Mother.

No wonder there is a connection between Narcissistic Parenting and their kids choosing Suicide.

Video is courtesy of the Narc Awareness YouTube channel

I was on my way to becoming a Narcissist. Daughter of a Narcissist Mother, shares her story of growing up.

Astoundingly “open” presentation of how Narcissistic Parenting destroys the Child’s sense of self worth and causes long term emotional damage. The Narcissist’s Gift which keeps on giving. 

I’m glad that this Lady had the strength to share her story. Emotionally painful to hear what this Daughter of a Narcissist Mother went through, yet full of insights.

Video is courtesy of the Escape from Narcissism YouTube channel

Growing up as a Child of a Narcissist Parent

BlogTalkRadio.com interview with Tina Fuller by Dr. Daniel Sidigh discussing being a Child of a Narcissist. Sadly, Narcissists do end up being parents.

http://percolate.blogtalkradio.com/offsiteplayer?hostId=215729&episodeId=4443935Video is courtesy of Dr Daniel Sadigh on www.blogtalkradio.com

If the embed code does not start the audio player, then just click on this line.

Click on this Link to visit Tina Fuller’s website called Narcissism Answers.

Click on this link to visit Tina Fuller’s Blog called Narcissistic Parents Help – Questions Answered.

Do you attract Narcissists ?

If you have been in a relationship with one Narcissist, I believe that you will continue to attract Narcissists into your life. Christine De Canonville made a statement during one of her seminars, that Narcissists will prime you psychologically and other Narcissists will be able to pick you out of a crowd. Click on this Link to read our prior post with a link to Christine’s Seminar video.

Narcissists sadly become parents. Children of one or more Narcissistic Parents learn survival skills. They learn how to please their Narcissistic Parent. Do something enough times and becomes a habit. For example you can get into your car and drive without giving it much thought. The first time that you got into a car to learn to drive was a much different. experience.

Pleasing a Narcissistic Parent is a survival skill and becomes an automatic process used by your unconscious mind. Narcissists, in my opinion, can pickup on that. They know that you will be a compliant target. Narcissists do not want a very self confident target. It’s easy to test. Just push at a boundary and see if the target accepts overstepping a boundary and actually shifts it to accommodate. Or if the target pushes back and will not shift the boundary. That one simple reaction can provide a Disordered Individual with lots of insight into a potential target.

To stop Narcissistic Individuals from playing a part in one’s life, one has to first recognize them. How? Back to basics. Straight forward 3 steps.:

1. Learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowledge is power. The internet is filled with knowledge and the Google Search Engine is your friend, to help you find it. Spend lots of time learning. I’m talking about spending “months”, learning more each day.

2. Learn the Red Flags which Narcissists will always display.

3. Watch for Red Flags.

When you are with someone new and you start seeing multiple Red Flags being displayed, then step back and ask yourself if this new person could be afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Watch for more Red Flags. If more Red Flags show up, then it could be time to make a decision whether this person is the type of individual that you want in your life. Of course the Love Bombing and Mirroring. Psychological Manipulation Techniques, would have been used extensively by then.

If you spotted the Love Bombing and you spotted the Mirroring, then ask yourself why would this person be using major Psychological Manipulation Techniques against you. 

Those 3 steps could help to better identify the new person that you are interacting with. I believe that it is important to know who or what one is dealing with. Your new knowledge about Narcissists could equip you to make an informed decision, whether to continue seeing a potentially disordered individual. It could help you to see what is behind their mask.

Now your use of survival skills learned as a child is something which you might want to discuss with a Licensed Therapist. I do not mean to be hurtful, but it is “you” who is attracting Narcissists into your life. Click on this link to view our prior post which has a number of links to help you find a Licensed Therapist in your area.

For more insights, click on this Link to visit the Psychology Today website to read their article titled “The Relationship Between Sensitive People and Narcissists“.

“Letter to his Father” written by Franz Kafka, details abuse by a Narcissistic Father.

Sigmund Freud released his essay “on Narcissism” in 1914.

Click on this line to view Freud’s Concept of Narcissism* by Sergio Benvenuto.

A few years after Freud released his essay, Franz Kafka wrote his Letter to his abusive narcissistic Father in 1919. The letter was given to his mother, who refused to pass it on to his father and returned it Franz.

De Kafka Brief an den Vater 001Franz Kafka [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons has Jpeg photo files of all 104 pages of Kafka’s original letter draft. Click on this line to visit the Wikimedia Commons page to view their files. Note the letter was originally written in German.

The following are only some of the heart wrenching quotes from Kafka’s Letter to his Father:

“It is also true that you hardly ever really gave me a beating. But the shouting, the way your face got red, the hasty undoing of the suspenders and laying them ready over the back of the chair, all that was almost worse for me. It is as if someone is going to be hanged. If he really is hanged, then he is dead and it is all over. But if he has to go through all the preliminaries to being hanged and he learns of his reprieve only when the noose is dangling before his face, he may suffer from it all his life.

“Besides, from the many occasions on which I had, according to your clearly expressed opinion, deserved a beating but was let off at the last moment by your grace, I again accumulated only a huge sense of guilt. On every side I was to blame, I was in your debt.”

“You have always reproached me (either alone or in front of others, since you have no feeling for the humiliation of the latter, and your children’s affairs were always public)”

“There is only one episode in the early years of which I have a direct memory. You may remember it, too. One night I kept on whimpering for water, not, I am certain, because I was thirsty, but probably partly to be annoying, partly to amuse myself. After several vigorous threats had failed to have any effect, you took me out of bed, carried me out onto the pavlatche,* and left me there alone for a while in my nightshirt, outside the shut door. I am not going to say that this was wrong—perhaps there was really no other way of getting peace and quiet that night—but I mention it as typical of your methods of bringing up a child and their effect on me. I dare say I was quite obedient afterward at that period, but it did me inner harm. What was for me a matter of course, that senseless asking for water, and then the extraordinary terror of being carried outside were Two things that I, my nature being what it was, could never properly connect with each other. Even years afterward I suffered from the tormenting fancy that the huge man, my father, the ultimate authority, would come almost for no reason at all and take me out of bed in the night and carry me out onto the pavlatche, and that consequently I meant absolutely nothing as far as he was concerned. *Pavlatche is the Czech word for the long balcony in the inner courtyard of old houses in Prague. (Ed.)”

“That was only a small beginning, but this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me (a feeling that is in another respect, admittedly, also a noble and fruitful one) comes largely from your influence.”

“And it is characteristic that even today you really only encourage me in anything when you yourself are involved in it, when what is at stake is your own sense of self-importance

“What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments. “

You reinforced abusiveness with threats and this applied to me too. How terrible for me was, for instance, that “I’ll tear you apart like a fish,” although I knew, of course, that nothing worse was to follow (admittedly, as a little child I didn’t know that)”

I am of the opinion that it would be time well spent reading Kafka’s entire letter. It may shock you. It may also bring a tear to your eye. If you find that you can personally relate to the abuse which Kafka described, my heart goes out you. No child (or adult for that matter) deserves such treatment.

The pain and suffering is internalized by the child. When the child internalizes the repeated Traumas, it results in pain and suffering well into adulthood (possibly life long).

A full English translation is available online thanks to Google Docs. Click on this line to visit the Google Docs page which displays the English translation of Franz Kafka’ Letter to his Father.

Click on this line to visit the The Kafka Project site, which has an interesting review of Kafka’s Letter to his Father.

May I also make a suggestion. It should not be taken as my giving any sort of medical advice. Speak to your own Therapist or Physician or other Medical Professional about whether it might be an “educational idea” for you to write your own letter to your past (or still present) abusive Narcissist. Again, doing so would be for your own personal and educational purposes. It is “my opinion” that any such  letter should be retained by you and not given to anyone. Again speak to your own Medical Professional about how to proceed, should you and your Medical Professional decide to go ahead with such a letter.

Video courtesy of The School of Life YouTube channel

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What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.

Quote "What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments." by Franz Kafka

Quote “What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.” by Franz Kafka from his 1919 Letter to his Father.

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
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Narcissistic Father shows his love by repeatedly telling his young daughter “You’re a stupid Bitch”.

She is over 40 years and still suffers from the repeated Abuses and Traumas caused by her Narcissistic Father. She uses the description “Nerve Shredded Adult“. She states that it’s something that is still inside her.

Being in a relationship with an Abusive Narcissist (ie with someone not related to you) when one is an adult is painful, but given enough strength an adult can leave such an abusive relationship. A child with an Abusive Narcissistic Parent does not have such an option. Abusive Narcissistic Parenting creates the Trauma which keeps inflicting pain, long after the abuse is over…

Narcissistic Father shows his love for his young daughter by repeatedly telling her “You’re a stupid Bitch”

Video is courtesy of the Happy Girl YouTube channel