Phoenix Multisport’s Director of Research and Evaluation, Jacki Hillios, PhD, discusses the importance of connecting with others and being with others to help one to overcome any Addiction which they are suffering from. Jacki Hillios ideas go well with the results of the Rat Park Experiment.
This video and Rat Park videos in my opinion apply to those human beings who have suffered by being in Mentally and or Physically abusive relationships. In my opinion, they may have developed an “Addiction” to their Abuser. As with other forms, Addiction is very hard to overcome especially when the Victim of Abuse is all alone with no money and no support system. They are unable to leave their Abuser. Some call it Trauma Bonding and Stockholm Syndrome.
The key part of the approach mentioned by Jacki is to keep the Addicts involved doing things with other humans (whether the others are Addicts or not). The connections that they build stop the need to replace the lack of connection with a drug. Highly Addicted Rats became un-addicted when they were placed in a Rat Park Environment. They connected with others of their own kind. They had things to do together. Exactly the same core things which Jacki Hillios mentioned in her TEDx Talk.
Moving to a different city or country, the Victims in Abusive Relationships leave behind friends, family and even co-workers. They become isolated. The Abuser will instill the fear to not mention the abuse to others. They have no one to talk to. They have no one who cares enough to help them. They are alone and so could become stuck and unable to leave their abuser.
Video is courtesy of the TEDX Talks YouTube channel
Narcissists will try to Gaslight the victim that their actions were not abusive or that any problems in the relationship are totally the fault of the Victim. In the privacy of their shared home, the Disordered Individual will not give a 2nd thought to verbally and emotionally abusing their victim. But in public, their behavior changes to project a false image that are caring and loving, while the Victim is made out to be the abuser in the relationship. Crazy making is an apt description. Victims could end up with PTSD and Complex PTSD as a result of being exposed to long term Emotional Abuse.
Video is courtesy of the Kati Morton YouTube channel.
… This excellent post is courtesy of the Echo Got Her Voice blog at https://howechogothervoice.com
AGAIN I REPEAT: Do not go to fixing, helping, and explaining. Ns will suck you in. This will result in basically explaining away all of their negative treatment. Receiving help from me was typically used in this manner. George K. Simon discusses in his book regarding dealing with disturbed characters, “Help is not chasing after someone to give them something we think is of value even when they haven’t asked for it and show no appreciation for it.” He goes on to explain that in offering help to someone who shows no willingness to change and has probably already heard the same thing many times, we inevitably end up in a position to be hurt and increase their ability to continue their bad behavior.
I choose men that need my help. According to my therapists, I fear real intimacy. The therapists say I feel unworthy of it in my own…
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Abysmal Parenting can put a child thru multiple trauma. Adults with Codependent Traits is one result. Cluster-B Disordered individuals (and Psychopaths) target adults with Codependent Traits and the abuse continues.
Video is courtesy of the Top Most Rare YouTube channel
The potential of a new life is shattered by Abysmal Parenting. The shattering of the spirit of a young child is rarely healed. Their life potential is greatly diminished. Once the little kids have been traumatized, what greatness they could have achieved in their lifetime will never be.
An adult can sometimes escape from a relationship with an abusive Cluster-B Disordered individual. I child cannot….
Hug your kids. Show them that you love them and always tell them that they are valued and important. Build up their self esteem, so that as adults they will not be targeted by Narcissists and other Cluster-B disordered individuals.
A first person account of going through Abuse Recovery. It will not be easy. Nor will it be any fun.
One key point from this video is that by hanging in there, you can reach the light at the end of that dark tunnel.
I believe that a lot of people need to view this video, to help them to understand the insanity which they had lived through. It’s also important to hear that you were not the only one who was targeted, used and abused by a Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath. It helps to listen to the Red Flags mentioned, which were found in the presenter’s Toxic Relationship
Videos like this one, take guts to make public. IMHO, videos like this one are Extremely Important.
Video is courtesy of the Angel Speaks YouTube channel
Cluster-B Disordered Individuals mess up many loving and caring people. This IMHO is the fault of the Educational Systems. Just as there are Sex Education classes, there should also be training about the Red Flags displayed by Cluster-B Disordered Individuals. Have videos such as this one, shown to every High School, College and University graduating group.
A friend ended up in a Hospital for months after the Malignant Narcissist that she had married, went into a rage. No one ever taught her about the Red Flags to look for. She married and was isolated from friends and family, by moving to another country. Becoming isolated and totally dependent on a Cluster-B Disordered individual opens the door to major physical abuse. All my friend had to talk to were the Flying Monkeys, that is the Malignant Narc’s family. She learned about the Red Flags, after major damage was done.
QUOTE: “He pushed her down a flight of stairs. He held a loaded gun to her head. Leslie Morgan Steiner would not leave that abusive relationship because:
“No one in my life had ever made me feel so safe, loved, beautiful and validated as he did during the early months of our relationship”. There is a reason why they Love Bomb you with their Fake Persona. Psychological Manipulation Techniques work.“
This Quote pic was inspired by an article which Leslie Morgan Steiner had written in The Washington Post. We had featured that article in a prior post on this site. Click on this link to visit The Washington Post site to read the article which was titled “He held a gun to my head. I loved him.“.
The use of the quote by Leslie Morgan Steiner I believe falls under the Fair Use Provision of Copyright. I make no claims regarding the copyright of said quote.
I find the Leyla Loric’s Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel to have a unique way of explaining that which is complex in their videos.
In the video below she outlines, in an easy to understand manner, how Trauma Bonding happens.
Video is courtesy of the Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel
The repeating of the connection and disconnection. The Push followed by the Pull. Richard Bandler‘s NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) sheds some light on this. Love Bombing and Trauma Bonding both create major bonds between the Narcissist Abuser and his/her Victim. I’ll try to post something about that at a later date.
Briefly, I believe (your mileage may differ) Love Bombing and Trauma Bonding covertly put the Victim into a Deep Trance State.
It is a sign of Major Mind Control, when a women gets kicked down a flight of stairs, yet will not leave such an abusive relationship. Why? Because the women will tell you that they are still “in Love” with the abuser. Actually they mention the person they met at the start of the Love Bombing phase. The Fake Persona they were fed.
In my opinion, (your mileage may differ) victims of major physical abuse are not in Love with their Abuser. They have been repeatedly Anchored to go into a Deep Hypnotic Trance State, where they have been programmed to experience a huge rapport with the Abuser.
The black eyes and broken bones hurt far less than having to exit that Deep Hypnotic Trance State. Not unlike a heavy drug addiction to say Heroin. It is only when Victims leave such abusive relationships and those anchors and triggers are no longer fired off, that they can see the reality about their Abuser.
When you watch this video, note the Red Flags (like Love Bombing and Isolating the Victim and making the Victim dependent on the Abuser) which appeared “prior” to the physical abuse starting.
This video features Leslie Morgan Steiner, Beverly Gooden, Kit Gruelle, Mildred Muhammad who were Victims of Physical Abuse. They address why they had stayed in the Abusive Relationship. Kudos to these Brave Women for sharing their stories.
Video is courtesy of the Markay Media YouTube channel
Learn about and then watch for the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. The more Red Flags displayed, the more questions you should be asking about the individual displaying those Red Flags.
Click on this Link to visit the Why We Stayed Twitter page.
Click on this line to visit the Kit Gruelle website.
Click on this line to visit the Mildred Muhammad website.
Click on this line to visit the Beverly Gooden website
Click on this line to visit the Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page
In this TED Talks presentation Leslie Morgan Steiner explains “Why domestic violence victims don’t leave”.
Leslie Morgan Steiner says that she was in “crazy love” — that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life.
The video is courtesy of the TED YouTube channel
The relationship started out, by the Abuser Love Bombing her. She called it to Seduce and Charm the victim. Her future Abuser Idolized her and she stated that that he “believed” in her. Note that she uses the term “Soul Mate”. Watch for those Red Flags, they may be extremely important to your future health and well being.
Next the victim is isolated. She was moved away from her friends and family.
About a week before she married her Abuser, he choked her and bashed her head into a wall. When the bruises on her neck cleared, she went ahead and married her Abuser.
She got the “I’m sorry” story and that it would never happen again. She did get Abused again, and on a regular basis.
Trauma Bonding, in my opinion, kept her in the relationship. Listen to the language which she uses to describe her Abuser.
There is something else which kept her in that Abusive Relationship. That was her “Silence” about it. I know that statement may not sit well with some readers. Listen carefully at the end of the video, where Leslie Morgan Steiner clearly states that the end of her Abuse started when she “started talking about it”.
She talked to the Police about it – very very important first step. She talked to the neighbors about it. She talked to all her friends and family about it. The key is that she “Talked About It“. She let people know that she was being Abused and people helped her. If someone does not know about your abuse, then they cannot help you. “Talking about her Abuse to others”, helped to break her bonds to the Abuser
Talking about your Abusive Relationship to “everyone” Is the Major Message of this video. No one deserves to be Abused. Abusers program those being Abused “Not to Tell“. When one stays quiet about being Abused, they are giving power over themselves to the Abuser. Abuse is about having power and control over someone. Abusers want those being abused, “to keep their mouths shut”. As soon as one tells others about being abused, their Abuser loses all of his or her power and control. Saying something about being Abused could help to set the Victim free.
Click on this Link to read a prior post about a female being turned into a Human Torch because she dared to leave a Disordered Individual. She was burned alive because the guy “didn’t accept being abandoned”.
Note also the major Red Flag indicated by the abuse that her Abuser had apparently received from his Step Father from the age of four. Major Trauma suffered by an infant and a young child is IMHO a Major Red Flag that such an individual could be a Disordered Adult.
Those Red Flags could be extremely important. Learn about them and then watch for them. The more Red Flags that show up, the more questions should be raised about the individual displaying those Red Flags
Click on this link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner website.
Click on this Link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page.
Police wearing body cameras capture the result of a horrific beating a woman had received. Because of the body camera video, the husband who beat his wife was charged and convicted and is now serving a 10 year jail sentence.
Yes he is in jail, but has justice been served? He gets free Room and Board for 10 years, with 3 meals a day cooked for him. Just look at the woman’s face in the screen capture pic. She had been getting this kind of abuse for 10 years. Absolutely sickening.
Is the photo below showing you, your future?Photo of Gale Marmoy is a screen capture (which we made) from the Police video
Her husband had apparently been beating this woman for about a decade before being convicted. Clear example of Trauma Bonding or Stockholm Syndrome on the part of the victim.
If you are presently in an abusive relationship, then seek out the Police and your Health Care Professionals to help you to get out of that abusive relationship before it “Kills You“.
Abuse is real. Being abused is not the fault of the victim. Trauma Bonding is very real, but those bonds can be broken with the help of your Medical Professionals.
No one deserves to be abused.
Watch the video to see how cool he was when the Police arrived at his door after he beat his wife. IMHO he displayed Psychopathic traits. It was bizarre how he calmly asked his wife (whom he called Dawn) if she wanted to speak to the Police. It was as if nothing had happened to give a reason for the Police to have shown up. As if he had done nothing wrong. If the Police had not come, he was not going to call his wife an ambulance or take her to the hospital.
What kind of person could be so Heartless and lacking in Empathy, to behave in this manner? Well lets see, a Malignant Narcissist in a rage and of course a Psychopath could do extreme damage to someone in the blink of an eye. Afterwards they could even blame the victim. Such disordered individuals lack Empathy for the suffering of others.
It boggles my mind how someone could do something like this, yet sadly it happens all too often.
Video is courtesy of the OfficialHantsPolice YouTube channel
She is over 40 years and still suffers from the repeated Abuses and Traumas caused by her Narcissistic Father. She uses the description “Nerve Shredded Adult“. She states that it’s something that is still inside her.
Being in a relationship with an Abusive Narcissist (ie with someone not related to you) when one is an adult is painful, but given enough strength an adult can leave such an abusive relationship. A child with an Abusive Narcissistic Parent does not have such an option. Abusive Narcissistic Parenting creates the Trauma which keeps inflicting pain, long after the abuse is over…
Narcissistic Father shows his love for his young daughter by repeatedly telling her “You’re a stupid Bitch”
Video is courtesy of the Happy Girl YouTube channel
Complex Trauma: Understanding and Treatment
Video is courtesy of the FOCL Online YouTube channel
Quoting from the text which was posted with this video:
“Historically, when someone has experienced trauma that has a lasting impact, they have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In recent years those who work with trauma victims have advocated for an additional category: Complex Trauma. Therapeutic work with those who have experienced either multiple traumas or Repetitive and Chronic Trauma”
In the video the presenter speaks about the abuse of Children and suffering multiple traumas. That the same Multiple Trauma Stress, can also “injure” an adult. For example, the victim of Narcissist Abuse becomes “marinated” in the Repetitive and Chronic Trauma.
Between the Traumatic Events will be “reward” type of events. The victim is cycled between reward and Trauma/Punishment events. That sets the Victim up for Trauma Bonding to occur. The emotional injuries alter the victim.
When one leaves an abusive relationship, the injuries do not disappear. Nor does the Trauma Bond break. The victim’s day will be filled with thoughts of the Abusive Narcissist.
The Victim will wonder if maybe the Narcissist was right and it was their own fault. The Narcissist would never admit to being at fault, always shifting the blame back to the Victim. There is an old saying that “If you tell people a “Lie” often enough, it becomes the “truth”.
Flashbacks are common.The inability to shut off the Flight or Fight response when a situation is not harmful. In my opinion, Complex Trauma can develop in both children and adults who have experienced Multiple Trauma or Repetitive and Chronic Trauma. I believe that Trauma Bonding can also be found in adult victims of abuse who have developed Complex Trauma.
Developing Complex PTSD Symptoms due to Narcissistic Abuse.
I believe that Victims of Narcissistic Abuse may end up with their natural Fight or Flight response having difficulty to fully shutoff. It keeps going off, when there is no danger. Then there are the Flashbacks.
Heart Breaking to listen to. If you can relate to things discussed in this video, please seek out Professional Medical Help, especially from a Medical Professional who has worked with Abuse Victims and PTSD.
It’s long dark tunnel and hard to find your way out of it. A trained and experienced Medical Professional could be the answer to helping you getting your life back and finally exiting that dark tunnel where that Narcissist had locked you in.
Video is courtesy of the Running from Chaos YouTube channel
This is a rather informative video. A Victim shares details from his 6 year long abusive relationship with a Somatic Narcissist.
It was surprising how this video essentially describes a Somatic Narcissist’s Playbook. Narcissists work from the same script, no matter where they live.
One interesting aspect of this video is that Mr. Smith is a Therapist, which goes to show that Narcissists can fool everyone. Narcissists really are amazing actors.
Video is courtesy of the familytreecounseling YouTube channel
Victims of Narcissistic Abuse remain in abusive relationships. Victims of Narcissists, will often defend the Narcissist.
Trauma Bonding happens. It is also referred to as the Stockholm Syndrome. This informative video goes into more detail about Trauma Bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome.
Video is courtesy of the familytreecounseling YouTube channel