Category: Attachment Trauma

The Narcissist’s One Trick that can keep you hooked forever

Really good read, which essentially details how Trauma Bonding works.
Click on this line top visit the The Minds Journal website.

Advertisements

Abysmal Parenting creates both Narcissists and Codependents via Infant and Childhood Trauma. A Traumatized Individual is attracted to another Traumatized Individual.

Infant Attachment Trauma caused by the Birth Mother or by the infant being given away to be raised by someone other than the Birth Mother (Grandparents or adopted out) can result in a Cluster-B Disordered Individual such as a Narcissist.

Childhood Trauma (later form of Attachment Trauma) caused by one or both parents can result in a Codependent Individual. One or more of the parents could be Cluster-B Disordered.

I am of the opinion that said Individuals (Narcissist or Codependent) are created (not born – ie not genetic) because of variations of Attachment Trauma inflicted on them via Abysmal Parenting.

John Bradshaw’s work raised the awareness of the concept of the Injured Inner Child. I have spoken to people with high levels of Narcissistic Traits, about their childhood. It was like I was talking to a different individual. even their vocal characteristic changed. I have crossed paths with Narcissists and have paid the price. Yet I still feel sorry for them. In my opinion it is not their fault that they are the way they are. The same for folks with Codependent Traits.

Keeping this site going I have again come full circle back to Attachment Trauma. I was reminded of that today while researching the website of a San Francisco Bay area Complex PTSD Therapist. I have to get in touch with him, to see if I can share some of his material on this site.

Taking my theory further, a relationship between a Narcissist and a Codependent could result in further Trauma. The Codependent could develop PTSD (or Complex PTSD if the relationship had been a long term one). The Narcissist could also suffer Trauma in the form of Narcissist Injury (Abandonment Trauma), from the loss of their valued Source of Narcissistic Supply. In the extreme, the Narcissist could attempt Suicide because of that Trauma and injury (I have witnessed this with Somatic Narcissists). Both types of individuals were created due to Trauma and when combined into a relationship both end up creating more Trauma. The Codependent could also develop Trauma Bonding if the relationship becomes abusive, and cannot leave.

Narcissists are attracted to Codependents.

Codependents are attracted to Narcissists.

Maybe the Injured Inner Child (see Alice Miller’s book titled : “The Drama of The Gifted Child and John Bradshaw’s books and videos about the Inner Child) of each type of individual can somehow pickup on the injured Inner Child in the other type of individual. The Injured Inner Child could be the source of the attraction between Codependents and Narcissists.

The common theme in the above is Trauma. The destructive Domino cascade is initiated by Extremely Poor to non-existent Parenting. Another area where our Educational Systems have failed Society. How many of you reading this, have had courses which detailed Great Parenting?

The most important role that a Human can have is to become a Great Parent. Yet we get zero formal training. I have had to take many courses in say Accounting and Statistics which I will “never” use. I have had zero courses detailing how to be a Great Parent. Does this make sense to you???

Ex “didn’t accept being abandoned”, so he burned her alive

The story hit the AP Newswire. Because it’s copyrighted I can’t post it. There is already a YouTube video which has someone reading the AP report.

The Mail Online site did some further research and included photos of the female and her “ex”, which were not part of the AP News Feed.

Note the quote “didn’t accept being abandoned” (my quoting a few words out of hundreds for education purposes falls under “Fair Use” and I am quoting from the AP post). Interesting choice of words. It must be the victims fault. If she had not abandoned the guy, he would not have burned her alive. Somehow to them, it is always the fault of the victim.

In essence, the Ex followed the victim. Ran her car off the road. Got access to her car interior, while the victim was still in it. Poured alcohol into her car and lit it with a lighter. The victim left her now burning car. The Ex caught up to her. Threw alcohol at her head  and lit it. She died from her burns. All that because the Ex “didn’t accept being abandoned”. He sure won her back, did he not.

Such a thing happening once, is one time too many. Yet this kind of thing sadly happens.

Click on this line to visit the Mail Online (British News) site to read their news article about this.

I know a female who takes a Taxi home after work, because she is scared of her ex following her if she walks home. That female was a major inspiration for me to setup this site. Her situation is a lot worse than the one in the news article. She’s been hospitalized for months at a time, thanks to her ex. Just imagine looking over your shoulder the rest of your life. Her ex is not just some regular ordinary office worker.  She has a black belt in an Asian Martial Art. Her ex has had training way beyond that

People who have suffered Attachment and Abandonment Trauma when they were infants, can become very disordered adults. To suffer an Abandonment Trauma Event as a adult could send the person in two directions. One is to become suicidal over being abandoned. It is real, I’ve seen two somatic female Narcs go that route – both survived.

The other direction is to destroy the person who abandoned them (as in the news article). It comes down to the destruction of self or the other person. Someone has to pay, it’s either me or them.  Disordered people have limited choices, especially those at the extreme end of disorders of Narcissism, and Sociopathy. Psychopaths, it is my understanding, would not suffer an Abandonment Trauma Event like say a Malignant Narcissist would. A Psychopath will kill you, because they want to kill you (no excuse needed to motivate them).

Learn the Red Flags to watch out for. If you don’t become involved with a Disordered individual, then you cannot abandon them. You become a non-issue to them, as they have a number of targets lined up to become potential sources of Narcissistic supply for example.

Click on this line to read the NY Post article about this event. The Mail Online article has more detail and photos – see the link further up in this post.

“The most important years of life: Our beginning” lecture by Dr. Allan Schore

The first few years (especially the 1st two years) of your life, literally created the type of person that you are today. Attachment Theory has brought forth new discoveries about Human Brain development. It not just about physical needs (blood oxygen etc). Nurture is just as important. Dr. Schore uses the terms “Mother Nature” and also “Mother Nurture“. There is being developed a combined Psychological Development and Biological Development model.

The very young baby has no language. All communications are visual and “emotional”. The baby perceives the world using non-verbal communications. Since the left brain has not started to develop, then all non-verbal communications takes place and develops in the right hemisphere of the brain. The baby communicates and perceives emotion via it’s eyes and “intuition”. As adults we shift to verbal left brain communications

Codependency and Personality Disorders like NPD, BPD and Psychpathy seem to be related to the type of Attachment Trauma experienced by the developing infant. Both the Codependent and the Narcissist seem to have a severe lack of self esteem at their core.

This is a fascinating video where Dr. Schore discusses the cutting edge research, which is changing our knowledge of the development of normal  Human Beings and also pf Human Monsters..

Video is courtesy of the Rune Fardal YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit David Baldwin’s Trauma Information Pages to read the study results from a Research Studies by Dr. Allan Schore which was originally published in: Infant Mental Health Journal, 2001. The Research Study results were titled: The Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affect Regulation, & Infant Mental Health“.

“Attachment trauma and the effects of neglect and abuse on the brain” by Dr. Allan Schore

Dr. Allan Schore discusses “Attachment trauma and the effects of neglect and abuse on the brain“.

The development of severe Psychopathologies occurs during right Brain development, during very early childhood. Attachment Trauma and Abandonment Trauma are all stored in the right hemisphere of the Brain, even before the left hemisphere starts to develop.

That is why Brain Scans of Narcissists, Borderlines and Psychopaths show differences from the general population. Because of Attachment Trauma and Abandonment Trauma, the brains of those with Severe Psychopathologies are unable to to wire themselves normally. It is not nature. It is nurture and the severe lack of nurture which plays a major role in creating those with severe Personality Disorders.

Video is courtesy of the PsychAlive YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit the official website of Dr. Allan Schore.

Click on this line to visit the Wikipedia page to get some background info on Dr. Allan Schore.