Narcissists will form relationships with whomever they can. Just because they are in a “traditional” marriage, does not mean that they are strictly “heterosexual”.
Narcissistic Injury can also flip sexual preference. For example: A female Somatic Narcissist who gets rejected and dumped for a far better source of Narcissist Supply by her male Cerebral Narcissist lover, may go through an Abandonment Trauma event and suffer a major Narcissistic Injury, So she then seeks out sexual relationships with other women.
The only stability is from adamantly Lesbian or Gay Narcissists. Yes they can seek new partners, but will not look for a heterosexual type of relationship. It’s the “pretend” heterosexual Narcissists, who could swing either way.
That leads to a Sam Vaknin article titled “
Homosexual narcissists are auto-erotic and somatic: they leverage their body and sexuality to obtain narcissistic supply.
Transsexual narcissists feel entitled to special treatment and cosseting.
By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
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Sam Vaknin has given permission to share his article, as follows:
What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist? Why is he always on a lookout for new victims? Is he lying or is he telling the truth when he says that he “wants to get laid” by one and all? If he is not suicidal, is he not afraid of AIDS?
Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences – and a heterosexual narcissist.
They both are predators, devouring Narcissistic Supply Sources as they go. Narcissists look for new victims, the way tigers look for prey – they are hungry. Hungry for adoration, admiration, acceptance, approval, and any other kind of attention. Old sources die easy – once taken for granted, the narcissistic element of conquest vanishes.
Conquest is important because it proves the superiority of the narcissist. The very act of subduing, subjugating, or acquiring the power to influence someone provides the narcissist with Narcissistic Supply. The newly conquered idolise the narcissist and serve as a trophies.
The act of conquering and subordinating is epitomized by the sexual encounter – an objective and atavistic interaction. Making love to someone means that the consenting partner finds the narcissist (or one or more of his traits, such as his intelligence, his physique, even his money) irresistible.
The distinction between passive and active sexual partners is mechanical, false, superfluous and superficial. Penetration does not make one of the parties “the stronger one”. To cause someone to have sex with you is a powerful stimulus – and always provokes a sensation of omnipotence. Whether one is physically passive or active – one is always psychosexually active.
Anyone who has unsafe sex is gambling with his life – though the odds are much smaller than public hysteria would have us believe. Reality does not matter, though – it is the perception of reality that matters. Getting this close to (perceived) danger is the equivalent of engaging in self-destruction (suicide). Narcissists are, at times, suicidal and are always self-destructive.
There is, however, one element, which might be unique to homosexuals: the fact that their self-definition hinges on their sexual identity. I know of no heterosexual who would use his sexual preferences to define himself almost fully. Homosexuality has been inflated to the level of a sub-culture, a separate psychology, or a myth. This is typical of persecuted minorities. However, it does have an influence on the individual. Preoccupation with body and sex makes most homosexual narcissists SOMATIC narcissists.
Moreover, the homosexual makes love to a person of the SAME sex – in a way, to his REFLECTION. In this respect, homosexual relations are highly narcissistic and autoerotic affairs.
This article appears in my book, “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited”
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The somatic narcissist directs his libido at his body (as opposed to the cerebral narcissist, who concentrates upon his intellect). He cultivates it, nourishes and nurtures it, is often an hypochondriac, dedicates an inordinate amount of time to its needs (real and imaginary). It is through his body that this type of narcissist tracks down and captures his Supply Sources.
The supply that the somatic narcissist so badly requires is derived from his form, his shape, his build, his profile, his beauty, his physical attractiveness, his health, his age. He downplays Narcissistic Supply directed at other traits. He uses sex to reaffirm his prowess, his attractiveness, or his youth. Love, to him, is synonymous with sex and he focuses his learning skills on the sexual act, the foreplay and the coital aftermath.
Seduction becomes addictive because it leads to a quick succession of Supply Sources. Naturally, boredom (a form of transmuted aggression) sets in once the going gets routine. Routine is counter-narcissistic by definition because it threatens the narcissist’s sense of uniqueness.
An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals.
Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) – and a transsexual who seeks to discard his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.
People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one’s self. It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement (“I deserve to be taken care of”) and omnipotence (“I can be whatever I want to be – despite nature/God”).
This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.
It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn’t even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders – let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.
A radical view, proffered by Ray Blanchard, seems to indicate that pathological narcissism is more likely to be found among non-core, ego-dystonic, autogynephilic transsexulas and among heterosexual transvestites. It is less manifest in core, ego-syntonic, homosexual transsexuals.
Autogynephilic transsexuals are subject to an intense urge to become the opposite sex and, thus, to be rendered the sexual object of their own desire. In other words, they are so sexually attracted to themselves that they wish to become both lovers in the romantic equation – the male and the female. It is the fulfilment of the ultimate narcissistic fantasy with the False Self as a fetish (“narcissistic fetish”).
Autogynephilic transsexuals start off as heterosexuals and end up as either bisexual or homosexual. By shifting his/her attentions to men, the male autogynephilic transsexual “proves” to himself that he has finally become a “true” and desirable woman.
Asexual – or Autosexual?
The label “asexual” has come to signify anyone who does not feel the need to engage in partnered sex. This is misleading. People who avoid having sex with others, but masturbate on a regular basis and as an exclusive sexual outlet are not asexual – they are autosexual.
All autosexuals are autoerotic, but only a minority of autoerotics are autosexual. Autoeroticism more frequently finds expression via activities such as same-sex partnerships (homosexuality) or incest (which is sex with the living expression of one’s own genetic makeup).