Category: Codependent

Narcissist Red Flag: Early Warning Signs of the Narcissist Isolating you, their Target.

This is a seldom mentioned Red Flag. Narcissists could try to isolate their Target / Victim from friends and family.

When you are isolated, you can be very easily controlled and manipulated.

When you are isolated, there is a greater possibility of the Narcissist’s abuse escalating and becoming physical.

Video is courtesy of the From Surviving To Thriving!! YouTube channel

Attempts to isolate you can be Early Warning Signs. Watch for this Narcissist Red Flag.

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Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of The Trauma Bond by Shahida Arabi “Free” by Alice Popkorn via Flickr. Creative Commons License. Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe […]

via Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Copyright Shahida Arabi. Our thanks go out to Shahida Arabi for allowing this to be shared here.

 

Codependence – Patterns and Characteristics

CoDA.org holds meetings similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. Those with Codependent tendencies can meet, share and talk.

Codependence stems from not receiving the Love, Care, Attention and Confirmation and Praise which “you deserved” when you were a child. The child’s sense of self is not allowed to develop. Codependence, is in my opinion, a survival mechanism developed by the child and carried over into adulthood.

There are people, such a Narcissists , who will search for and pick up on someone’s Codependent tendencies. Narcissists are well versed in Psychological Manipulation Techniques to reel in their Codependent targets. Codependents are easily duped by the Narcissist’s Love Bombing. The Narcissist’s Love Bombing provides the Codependent Target, that which the Target had never received from their parents, when they were a child. Unfortunately the Love Bombing was never something real. It was just another Psychological Manipulation and Control Technique used by disordered individuals such as Narcissists.

A Licensed Therapist can help one to figure out the Triggers of Codependent Tendencies. Realizing the Self Doubt and Self Sabotage and negative Self Talk is the first step towards healing. Healing opens the door to finding a Healthy relationship and could also help to limit you being targeted by Disordered Individuals such as Narcissists.

The Codependents anonymous meetings held, by CoDA.org, in your local area could be helpful tool on your road to recovery. Speak to your Therapist about CoDA.org. Also find out if your licensed Therapist holds Group Therapy sessions. You are not alone. Sadly many have had parents who were clueless about proper parenting and helping their children grow and develop their Self Worth and Self Esteem. It is my opinion that Codependence is created by abysmal parenting.

Click on the link below to view the CoDA.org document titled: Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence.

http://coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist, discusses the link between Attachment Injuries and Codependency

Attachment Injuries during childhood are directly linked to adult Codependency.

You need to give yourself that which you never received when you were a child.

Your Narcissistic Partner will never be the Corrective Experience for that Attachment Injury.

Quite the contrary, the Narcissist was attracted to you because of your Codependency which made it very easy for them to Use and Manipulate you.

You need a healthy relationship, where your partner can show you that they care about and love you and that “you matter” to them.

Narcissists lack empathy and so are unable to care about or love others.

To a narcissist your only value is in you being a source of Narcissistic Supply, which can and usually will be replaced with a better source of Narcissistic Supply. Narcissists are always “hunting” for new and better sources of Narcissistic Supply.

Video is courtesy of the Alan Robarge YouTube channel.

Your Biggest Codependency Questions Answered

Starting with answering the question “What is Codependency?“, this video gives insights into becoming self aware of the “triggers” of your Codependent Behaviour.

Becoming aware of your Codependent Behaviour,
is the first major step to changing said behaviour.

Video is courtesy of the Brian Pisor YouTube channel

In our society having lots of Empathy for others, showing kindness and readily helping others is deemed to be a weakness

Do you tend to have codependent tendencies? Do you automatically try and help people?

Having lots of Empathy for others and wanting to help others is a good thing. It’s also one Red Flag of Codependency. The problem is that Disordered Individuals look for such people and when they find them they will try and use them. It’s not only the Narcissists who will take advantage of the kindness of others.

The author of the article makes an important point, that in our society having lots of Empathy for others, showing kindness and readily helping others is deemed to be a weakness. Personally I disagree, IMHO it is a sign of a highly evolved individual (soul) and the world would be a far better place if it was filled with such kind hearted and loving individuals. Sadly that is not the case. There are far far more Disordered Individuals and just plain assholes to contend with.

Click on this line to read the article posted on iheartintelligence.com titled

Surrounded by Jerks: One Cause of Depression that No One Talks About.

The following is a quote from that post By :

Expectations lead to Dissapointment
As a nice person, typically we expect the same kindness that we give to others to be returned. Unfortunately, that is so rarely the case that it’s hard not to just completely lose faith in humanity. There are people out there that make a life of feeding off of the kindness of others. There are people in our own lives that keep us around simply because they know that they can depend on our kindness when they need it. It truly is disappointing. It’s disappointing that people use us like that.

Abysmal Parenting creates both Narcissists and Codependents via Infant and Childhood Trauma. A Traumatized Individual is attracted to another Traumatized Individual.

Infant Attachment Trauma caused by the Birth Mother or by the infant being given away to be raised by someone other than the Birth Mother (Grandparents or adopted out) can result in a Cluster-B Disordered Individual such as a Narcissist.

Childhood Trauma (later form of Attachment Trauma) caused by one or both parents can result in a Codependent Individual. One or more of the parents could be Cluster-B Disordered.

I am of the opinion that said Individuals (Narcissist or Codependent) are created (not born – ie not genetic) because of variations of Attachment Trauma inflicted on them via Abysmal Parenting.

John Bradshaw’s work raised the awareness of the concept of the Injured Inner Child. I have spoken to people with high levels of Narcissistic Traits, about their childhood. It was like I was talking to a different individual. even their vocal characteristic changed. I have crossed paths with Narcissists and have paid the price. Yet I still feel sorry for them. In my opinion it is not their fault that they are the way they are. The same for folks with Codependent Traits.

Keeping this site going I have again come full circle back to Attachment Trauma. I was reminded of that today while researching the website of a San Francisco Bay area Complex PTSD Therapist. I have to get in touch with him, to see if I can share some of his material on this site.

Taking my theory further, a relationship between a Narcissist and a Codependent could result in further Trauma. The Codependent could develop PTSD (or Complex PTSD if the relationship had been a long term one). The Narcissist could also suffer Trauma in the form of Narcissist Injury (Abandonment Trauma), from the loss of their valued Source of Narcissistic Supply. In the extreme, the Narcissist could attempt Suicide because of that Trauma and injury (I have witnessed this with Somatic Narcissists). Both types of individuals were created due to Trauma and when combined into a relationship both end up creating more Trauma. The Codependent could also develop Trauma Bonding if the relationship becomes abusive, and cannot leave.

Narcissists are attracted to Codependents.

Codependents are attracted to Narcissists.

Maybe the Injured Inner Child (see Alice Miller’s book titled : “The Drama of The Gifted Child and John Bradshaw’s books and videos about the Inner Child) of each type of individual can somehow pickup on the injured Inner Child in the other type of individual. The Injured Inner Child could be the source of the attraction between Codependents and Narcissists.

The common theme in the above is Trauma. The destructive Domino cascade is initiated by Extremely Poor to non-existent Parenting. Another area where our Educational Systems have failed Society. How many of you reading this, have had courses which detailed Great Parenting?

The most important role that a Human can have is to become a Great Parent. Yet we get zero formal training. I have had to take many courses in say Accounting and Statistics which I will “never” use. I have had zero courses detailing how to be a Great Parent. Does this make sense to you???