Category: Do you attract Narcissists ?

Alan Robarge, Psychotherapist, discusses the link between Attachment Injuries and Codependency

Attachment Injuries during childhood are directly linked to adult Codependency.

You need to give yourself that which you never received when you were a child.

Your Narcissistic Partner will never be the Corrective Experience for that Attachment Injury.

Quite the contrary, the Narcissist was attracted to you because of your Codependency which made it very easy for them to Use and Manipulate you.

You need a healthy relationship, where your partner can show you that they care about and love you and that “you matter” to them.

Narcissists lack empathy and so are unable to care about or love others.

To a narcissist your only value is in you being a source of Narcissistic Supply, which can and usually will be replaced with a better source of Narcissistic Supply. Narcissists are always “hunting” for new and better sources of Narcissistic Supply.

Video is courtesy of the Alan Robarge YouTube channel.

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Do you attract Narcissists ?

If you have been in a relationship with one Narcissist, I believe that you will continue to attract Narcissists into your life. Christine De Canonville made a statement during one of her seminars, that Narcissists will prime you psychologically and other Narcissists will be able to pick you out of a crowd. Click on this Link to read our prior post with a link to Christine’s Seminar video.

Narcissists sadly become parents. Children of one or more Narcissistic Parents learn survival skills. They learn how to please their Narcissistic Parent. Do something enough times and becomes a habit. For example you can get into your car and drive without giving it much thought. The first time that you got into a car to learn to drive was a much different. experience.

Pleasing a Narcissistic Parent is a survival skill and becomes an automatic process used by your unconscious mind. Narcissists, in my opinion, can pickup on that. They know that you will be a compliant target. Narcissists do not want a very self confident target. It’s easy to test. Just push at a boundary and see if the target accepts overstepping a boundary and actually shifts it to accommodate. Or if the target pushes back and will not shift the boundary. That one simple reaction can provide a Disordered Individual with lots of insight into a potential target.

To stop Narcissistic Individuals from playing a part in one’s life, one has to first recognize them. How? Back to basics. Straight forward 3 steps.:

1. Learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowledge is power. The internet is filled with knowledge and the Google Search Engine is your friend, to help you find it. Spend lots of time learning. I’m talking about spending “months”, learning more each day.

2. Learn the Red Flags which Narcissists will always display.

3. Watch for Red Flags.

When you are with someone new and you start seeing multiple Red Flags being displayed, then step back and ask yourself if this new person could be afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Watch for more Red Flags. If more Red Flags show up, then it could be time to make a decision whether this person is the type of individual that you want in your life. Of course the Love Bombing and Mirroring. Psychological Manipulation Techniques, would have been used extensively by then.

If you spotted the Love Bombing and you spotted the Mirroring, then ask yourself why would this person be using major Psychological Manipulation Techniques against you. 

Those 3 steps could help to better identify the new person that you are interacting with. I believe that it is important to know who or what one is dealing with. Your new knowledge about Narcissists could equip you to make an informed decision, whether to continue seeing a potentially disordered individual. It could help you to see what is behind their mask.

Now your use of survival skills learned as a child is something which you might want to discuss with a Licensed Therapist. I do not mean to be hurtful, but it is “you” who is attracting Narcissists into your life. Click on this link to view our prior post which has a number of links to help you find a Licensed Therapist in your area.

For more insights, click on this Link to visit the Psychology Today website to read their article titled “The Relationship Between Sensitive People and Narcissists“.