Category: Domestic Violence

Playing word games with a Narcissist is playing with fire and you’re the one who could get burned

I was reading a blog post (on another site) about a woman who had borrowed her Narcissist’s car, to visit a Doctor to get some surgical stitches removed. If all went well she would have plenty of time to pickup the Narcissist.

Complications took extra time and she arrived almost 1/2 hour late to pickup the Narcissist.

Instead of asking how things went at the Doctor, the Narc verbally laid into the lady because she was late. The Woman was still in severe pain from getting surgical stitches removed. So what!  Narcissists do not care about you. They only care about themselves.

She called him on his callous responses to her. He never did ask how the Doctor’s visit went.

Possibly due to the Doctor’s visit, the lady stood up to the Narc’s Verbal Abuse and called him a Bully. Her standing up for herself pissed the Narc off. He raised his arm and it looked like he was about to strike the woman, but he was able to control himself. She then told him to go ahead and hit her.

The following is my two cents worth “opinion”:

When you are being Verbally Abused, leave the situation if possible. At a Red Light, exit the car and tell the Narc that you will see him at home. That stops the verbal abuse. The Narc expects to belittle you, to gain control over you in this situation. By leaving the situation, you are going No Contact – if only for a short time.

By leaving, you deescalate the situation. You also take power away from Narc, because he will no longer be able to verbally abuse you.

In my opinion it was not a good idea to goad a Narcissist, by telling them to Go Ahead and Hit you. Legally you are giving them permission. If you call the Police, the Narc is great at playing the innocent one and playing people.

Hey, he could tell the Police Officer that you and him are into S&M Sex, but only when the other party gives permission. He could say that you gave him permission to hit you. If it goes to family Court, the Narc’s Lawyer will twist your statement against you. The key is that you will admit that you told him to hit you. Never give any abuser that kind of remark. Talk to your local Law Enforcement Authority about how saying something like that, could tie up the hands of the Police Officers and the Court.

You goaded your Narc, by telling him to hit you. So he goes ahead and hits you. Do you think that it will stop with one single punch??? If Narcissistic Rage takes over your Narcissist, your face could become black and blue with blood running down your broken nose. After they wire your lower jaw back in place, you will be having dinner via a straw for a long time. When you are finally allowed to eat solid food, you could find it difficult to chew due to all the missing teeth that your Narc knocked out.

Do not play with fire. A friend ended up in the Hospital for months after her Malignant Narcissist went to town on her. Her horrific experience is what motivated the creation of this blog.

Speak to your Lawyer and to Local Law Enforcement about your legal rights regarding Domestic Violence and Abuse. Ask them how it could harm your legal position if you told the Narcissist to hit you. There is also info about the US Domestic Abuse Hotline with phone number visible on the main page of this blog. Also a link in the large menu at the top of the Blog. It is a resource which could be of great help. Call and find out how they can help you.

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Never forget that Narcissists are Disordered Individuals. If Narcissistic Rage takes over, then you have no idea just how much physical damage they can do to you. Do not play with fire. Do not goad any Abuser by telling them to Hit You. Every year, people die at the hands of their Abuser.

Disclaimer: The above is just “my opinion”. It is not meant to be any kind of Legal Advice. Do your own due diligence and seek out your own Legal Counsel.

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Amber Heard donates her $7 Million Divorce Settlement to the ACLU and to the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.

The ACLU works to make sure that “domestic violence victims are fully protected by the law and receive the government assistance they deserve” (as reported by the ACLU website). I was not aware that the ACLU did this.

Plse note the above about the ACLU. If you are a victim of Physical Abuse and want help, contact your local Law Enforcement. They can provide help, guidance and info about other available services. Then contact the ACLU. Click on this line to visit the main ACLU site and email them asking about an ACLU office close to you and how they might be able to help you.

Amber Heard donated her entire $7 Million Divorce Settlement to the ACLU and to the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.

Click on this Link to visit the ACLU page referencing Women’s Rights and Violence Against Women.

Click on this Link to visit The Hollywood Reporter website to read about the Amber Heard and Johhny Depp Divorce settlement.

Click on this line to visit the People Magazine website to read their post about Amber Heard’s donation of her entire Divorce Settlement.

Click on this Link to visit the Fortune Magazine site to read their post about Amber Heard’s Divorce Settlement.

When a Victim of Continued Domestic Physical and Emotional Abuse Commits Suicide, the Abuser can be charged with “Depraved Heart Murder”.

Click on this Link to visit The Huffington Post to read their article titled: “Man Charged With Murder For Allegedly Driving His Partner To Suicide.

Click on this link to learn more about depraved-heart murder, also known as depraved-indifference murder charges.

If you are being abused, you can get Compassionate and Confidential Support. In the U.S.A., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). That is the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

 

After they Isolate you, then they can start the Physical Abuse

Click on this Link to visit the Healthy Place website to read their post titled “Isolation and Domestic Abuse: How Abusers Isolate Victims“.

The most striking thing about Physical Abuse is that victims were first “Isolated”.They moved out of New York City to some small town. They moved to a remote cottage. They married and lived in another part of the country, away from the Victim’s family and Friends. The Victim was emotionally restrained from going away to visit with Friends and Family. The Victim’s Father was dying in the Hospital and yet the Abuser would not let the Victim leave to be with her Father.

Abusers cannot control a Victim from a distance. Abusers maintain their power and control over the Victim, by enforcing the Victim’s silence. If the Victim visits their family, they might speak of the horrors being done to the Victim. Once the abuse is out in the open, the Abuser starts to lose much of the power and control over their Victim.

The abuser will present tons of semi logical excuses for moving the Victim away from their Family and Friends. They will start a new life together…BS…more BS…some more BS….and even more BS.

When the Victim has no one else to help her, she becomes totally dependent on the Abuser. To make the situation worse, the Abuser may become the sole income earner. Rather hard to leave when you have no money.

Isolation is a Major Red Flag. If you do not allow yourself to become isolated, then you will not become dependent on your Lover and potential abuser. Note that the abuse does not start until the victim has been isolated.

Learn about the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. Then watch for them.

The more Red Flags that you spot, the more questions you should have of the individual displaying those Red Flags.

She loved him, even after he had held a loaded gun to her head

Your lover punches you in head. Your Lover pushes you down a flight of stairs. Your Lover threatens to kill your dog. Your Lover puts a gun loaded with Hollow Point Bullets to your head and threatens to pull the trigger.

How hard can it be to leave such a violent relationship? Extraordinarily DIFFICULT.

Just ask Leslie Morgan Steiner. She would not leave because she “Loved him”.

In my opinion she loved the false persona which she met at the very beginning of her relationship. That Brain Washed and Psychologically Manipulated her. The beginning of a relationship with a Disordered individuals is commonly called the Love Bombing phase.

It worked on Leslie. The following are her words about the man who did all those horrible things to her: “No one in my life had ever made me feel so safe, loved, beautiful and validated as he did during the early months of our relationship.“. Leslie was disconnected from reality. She dismissed the abuse and remained focused on the Prince Charming act she was given during the Love Bombing phase.That is the result of Trauma Bonding.

Click on this link to visit The Washington Post and read the article written by Leslie Morgan Steiner describing why she stayed in a horribly abusive relationship.

You can email Leslie Morgan Steiner at leslie@lesliemorgansteiner.com

Click on this link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner website.

Click on this Link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page.

Click on this Link to visit Amazon.com to learn more about Leslie Morgan Steiner‘s book titled “Crazy Love”.

Why Abuse Victims stayed

When you watch this video, note the Red Flags (like Love Bombing and Isolating the Victim and making the Victim dependent on the Abuser) which appeared “prior” to the physical abuse starting.

This video features Leslie Morgan Steiner, Beverly Gooden, Kit Gruelle, Mildred Muhammad who were Victims of Physical Abuse. They address why they had stayed in the Abusive Relationship. Kudos to these Brave Women for sharing their stories.

Video is courtesy of the Markay Media YouTube channel

Learn about and then watch for the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. The more Red Flags displayed, the more questions you should be asking about the individual displaying those Red Flags.

Click on this Link to visit the Why We Stayed Twitter page.

Click on this line to visit the Kit Gruelle website.

Click on this line to visit the Mildred Muhammad website.

Click on this line to visit the Beverly Gooden website

Click on this line to visit the Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page

Why domestic violence victims don’t leave by Leslie Morgan Steiner

In this TED Talks presentation Leslie Morgan Steiner explains “Why domestic violence victims don’t leave”.

Leslie Morgan Steiner says that she was in “crazy love” — that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life.

The video is courtesy of the TED YouTube channel

The relationship started out, by the Abuser Love Bombing her. She called it to Seduce and Charm the victim. Her future Abuser Idolized her and she stated that that he “believed” in her. Note that she uses the term “Soul Mate”. Watch for those Red Flags, they may be extremely important to your future health and well being.

Next the victim is isolated. She was moved away from her friends and family.

About a week before she married her Abuser, he choked her and bashed her head into a wall. When the bruises on her neck cleared, she went ahead and married her Abuser.

She got the “I’m sorry” story and that it would never happen again. She did get Abused again, and on a regular basis.

Trauma Bonding, in my opinion, kept her in the relationship. Listen to the language which she uses to describe her Abuser.

There is something else which kept her in that Abusive Relationship. That was her “Silence” about it. I know that statement may not sit well with some readers. Listen carefully at the end of the video, where Leslie Morgan Steiner clearly states that the end of her Abuse started when she “started talking about it”.

She talked to the Police about it – very very important first step. She talked to the neighbors about it. She talked to all her friends and family about it. The key is that she “Talked About It“. She let people know that she was being Abused and people helped her. If someone does not know about your abuse, then they cannot help you. “Talking about her Abuse to others”, helped to break her bonds to the Abuser

Talking about your Abusive Relationship to “everyone” Is the Major Message of this video. No one deserves to be Abused. Abusers program those being Abused “Not to Tell“. When one stays quiet about being Abused, they are giving power over themselves to the Abuser. Abuse is about having power and control over someone. Abusers want those being abused, “to keep their mouths shut”. As soon as one tells others about being abused, their Abuser loses all of his or her power and control. Saying something about being Abused could help to set the Victim free.

Click on this Link to read a prior post about a female being turned into a Human Torch because she dared to leave a Disordered Individual. She was burned alive because the guy “didn’t accept being abandoned”.

Note also the major Red Flag indicated by the abuse that her Abuser had apparently received from his Step Father from the age of four. Major Trauma suffered by an infant and a young child is IMHO a Major Red Flag that such an individual could be a Disordered Adult.

Those Red Flags could be extremely important. Learn about them and then watch for them. The more Red Flags that show up, the more questions should be raised about the individual displaying those Red Flags

Click on this link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner website.

Click on this Link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page.

Click on this Link to visit Amazon.com to learn more about Leslie Morgan Steiner‘s book titled “Crazy Love”.

Animals do not physically abuse one another, as some Disordered Humans will Physically Abuse the person that Loves them more than anyone else on the face of this Earth.

You do not know when someone is keeping silent about the Abuse they are receiving from their Life Partner.

I believe that if the Abused Victim starts telling people about what is being done to them, then people will try to help them. Speaking about the abuse is the first important step to becoming free of it. They need Help taking that first step. Not a put down. Their Abuser has programmed into their Mind to “Do not tell”.

I was amazed at how well Love Bombing worked, especially how deep into the mind of the Victim it went. I had never before considered Love Bombing to be another approach to Mind Control and Mind Programming. The females who were being physically abused, focused on the person that they met during the Love Bombing phase. That was who they lived with, an Imaginary Persona. That is major Psychological Manipulation, yet it was accomplished easily and without stealth.

The battered and abused women were “very highly educated” and high income earners. Yet the educational system failed them, by not informing them of the Red Flags given off by Disordered individuals. They were Love Bombed and had no clue what was happening. They were then isolated from friends and family and had no clue what was being done to them. Major Red Flags, which they knew nothing about. Once you are committed to a relationship and the Abuse starts, it’s too late to be looking for Red Flags. You’ll be too busy looking at the red welts and bruises all over your body.

They could not mentally connect the person physically abusing them, with the imaginary person that they were exposed to at the very beginning of the relationship. The Abuser is able to establish a disconnect with reality. That is the result of Trauma Bonding. Victims feel the Abuser punching them in the head, but dismiss it and focus on that he was such a Prince Charming when we met.

The next few days after the physical abuse, the Abuser may pretend to be remorseful and state that it will never happen again. This cycle of dreadful physical violence followed by BS acts of Love and Kindness, messes up the Brain Chemistry of the Victim and establishes Trauma Bonding.  Some victims are made to think that they were at fault and deserved to have been beaten by the Abuser.

Animals do not physically abuse one another, as some Disordered Humans will physically abuse the person that Loves them more than anyone else on the face of this Earth. That Physical Abuse will be repeated and repeated without an end it site (up to the death of the Victim).

What an incredibly Horrible way for the Victims of Domestic Violence to live. Little did that beautiful newborn baby know what crap life had in store for it, when it grew up to be an adult…

Learn about the Red Flags. Watch for them and hopefully you might not end up being a victim of ongoing Domestic Violence and Abuse…