The female had called police about a verbal argument with her husband saying that she had feared for her life. The Police came to the home, but the husband was no longer there. The police informed her about getting a Protection From Abuse Order. She indicated that she would do so, but never followed through. Trauma Bonding messes up the logical thinking of the abused victim.
If the Police are suggesting to get a Protection From Abuse Order, then do it. The husband apparently purchased a legal handgun the following day.
Abusive and Disordered people fear abandonment. Some fear abandonment more than they fear death. The abuse is to keep the victim in line and under control.
The Disordered Individual cannot handle losing control. One solution is to eliminate the problem. Because Narcissists know right from wrong (unlike with Psychopaths where right or wrong do not exist) they will realize that they just murdered their family. The embarrassment of going to trial and media attention would be too great for their fragile Ego to handle. So they kill themselves.
If you are in an abusive relationship and considering leaving, please contact your local Law Enforcement. They can also inform you of other assistance available to you – like Battered Women’s Shelters. Listen to the Police and follow through by getting any suggested Court Orders. By getting Law Enforcement to visit the family home, a Disordered Individual such as an abusive Narcissist could reconsider escalating the violence, since it has now been made public. It anything goes to Court, a Police Officer’s testimony will trump a Narcissist’s great sounding BS.
The video below is a Heads Up that Disordered Individuals can damage way more than your emotional well being. They can literally destroy you and possibly your children. Learning about the Red Flags to watch for is so very important. Better to walk away when multiple Red Flags are displayed, than becoming involved with a Disordered Individuals and later getting emotionally and or physicically abused or even killed.
Video is courtesy of the Inside Edition YouTube channel
Usage tip. When the slides below start to display and if you have a mouse with a center wheel on the top of the mouse, place your cursor onto the displayed slide. Now turn that center wheel and you can scroll back and forth thru the slides, using the center wheel. I find it easier to do that, than to use the arrows just below the slide display.
Click on this link to visit the website run by Jeni Mawter
There are many Red Flags given off by Narcissists. Love Bombing for one. Mirroring is a big one, which I tend to consistently harp on about.
There are a couple of key things which the Narcissist will not hide from you. One is in my opinion the “most important Red Flag“. Ask the potential Narcissist about their childhood. Were they brought up by their Birth Mother? If they were still an infant and they were adopted out or given to other family members (say Grand Parents) to be brought up, that is the “most important & biggest Red Flag“.
To better confirm that Red Flag, ask questions about the person’s Birth Mother? If there is any animosity or even outright hatred shown towards their Birth Mother, that is “yet another major Red Flag” which also confirms your perception of the biggest Red Flag.
It is my opinion that Narcissists are created due to Abandonment Trauma(s) suffered while still an infant, before the left hemisphere of the brain is developed. The Trauma(s) change how the Brain Develops – ie it’s a Hardware-Wiring issue and so Narcissists can not be changed via a treatment protocol. MRI Brain Scans seem to confirm “my opinion”.
Joseph Burgo, in a radio interview, alluded to the coincidence that many diagnosed Narcissists had been abandoned in their early childhood. They were adopted out. They were transferred to other family members (Grandparents) to be cared for.
All the Narcissists who I got to know, had issues with their Mother. Yes the issues varied between a coldness to outright disdain.
Sam Vaknin wrote something confirming this in a review of the book titled “The Abandoned Child Within: On Losing and Regaining Self-Worth “
Sam Vaknin wrote:
“Underneath this colourful maelstrom lies an hypothesis: pathological narcissism is the direct outcome of early childhood abuse and trauma, mainly in the form of abandonment or neglect. Narcissism, in other words, is a defense against hurt and emotional injury.”.
A female Somatic Narc had a pronounced dislike of her Mother. In stark contrast, she and her Dad were fine. Events in the past when one is an infant can have profound affects which can last a lifetime.
A Cerebral Narc would not speak to their Mother when she came in tears because her own Mother had just passed away. The Cerebral Narc’s Grandmother dies and the Narc could not be bothered to come and talk and try to comfort their own Mother. . Would a non Cluster-B Disordered Individual, who has Empathy for the suffering of others behave that way?.
Being brought up by other family members like Grand Parents can cause Abandonment Trauma. To the Grand Parents it’s a burden to “have to” feed, cloth and bring up their daughter’s infant child. They already brought up their own kids.
The distrust of the Birth Mother for being abandoned and sent off to live with strangers (yes they are Grand Parents and an adult understands that but an infant sees themselves being dumped off to some strangers) by the Narc can be life long.
Different people love very differently and sadly some not at all. That description includes Grand Parents. The infant had already lost life’s lottery by being born to a Mother who abandoned them and sent them away to live in another place. Good chance that the Grand Parents were not the kindest and most loving of individuals. So the infant losses again and possibly pays for such loss by developing a Personality Disorder which could prevent them from being able to establish and enjoy “Intimate and Loving” relationships.
Alice Miller has written a post on her site which ties a number of things together. Her post is titled: “The Ignorance or How we produce the Evil”. I’ll have some quotes below, from that Alice Miller post.
Alice Miller wrote :
“Children who are given love, respect, understanding, kindness, and warmth will naturally develop different characteristics from those who experience neglect, contempt, violence or abuse, and never have anyone they can turn to for kindness and affection. Such absence of trust and love is a common denominator in the formative years of all the dictators I have studied. The result is that these children will tend to glorify the violence inflicted upon them and later to take advantage of every possible opportunity to exercise such violence, possibly on a gigantic scale. Children learn by imitation. Their bodies do not learn what we try to instill in them by words but what they have experienced physically. Battered, injured children will learn to batter and injure others; sheltered, respected children will learn to respect and protect those weaker than themselves. Children have nothing else to go on but their own experiences.”
As Alice Miler stated “Children have nothing else to go on but their own experience”. If the infant child experienced Abandonment Trauma they they will not know how to Love someone. They will do to someone else, what had been done to to them. They will use them and abandon them.
Alice Miller also wrote :
“The well-known American pediatrician Dr. Brazelton once filmed a group of mothers holding and feeding their babies, each in her own particular way. More than 20 years later he repeated the experiment with the women those babies had grown into and who now had babies themselves. Astoundingly, they all held their babies in exactly the same way as they had been held by their mothers, although of course they had no conscious memories from those early years. One of the things Braselton proved with this experiment was that we are influenced in our behavior by our unconscious memories. And those memories can be life affirming and affectionate or traumatic and destructive.”
It is my opinion, that It is not the Narcissist’s fault for developing such a Personality Disorder. It is up to you whether you want to get involved, in any kind of a relationship, with a Personality Disordered individual.
So recapping the two biggest and in my opinion most important Red Flags of a Narcissist. If you learn that the person was not raised by their Birth Mother that is IMHO the most important and biggest of all the Red Flags. Major issues with their Birth Mother is another confirming major Red Flag.
The more Red Flags that you can spot, the higher the probability that you are interacting with a Personality Disordered Individual.
Watch for the Red Flags.
I want to stay away from promoting “any” Religious Belief System on this site. This post should not be taken as trying to promote any particular belief system.
I was looking around the internet for posts about the “Soul Mate” line that Narcissist use, while trying to hook a new Target. Google found an interesting post. It is on a website which discusses certain religious beliefs. The post has little to nothing in the way of promoting their belief system. I think that it may be an interesting read for those who cross paths with a Religious Narcissist.
One thing that I disagree with in that post is their use of the label Spiritual Narcissist. Being Spiritual, in my opinion cannot be applied to Narcissists. Of course, you may disagree with me. That is why I am using the label Religious Narcissist.
In the past I had known a couple of Narcissists with a religious bent. One felt that their.way was the only way and would badger the hell out of you, if you let them. They always made sure that they were the life of any party. That was until more than a few drinks loosened their tongue and their self control. They could (and would) consume a lot of liquor. Then they would start preaching about religion. They were one with God and God help you if you said anything to the contrary. Their preaching would burst the party balloon.
Another was a Somatic Narcissist who liked to quote and post Bible verses. Specific verses were applied to themselves to make them look oh so kind, loving and pious. Funny how they could swing both ways, yet any Bible verses remotely against bisexuality (which was against the rules of their belief system) was never mentioned. Their constant self promotion of being a nice, loving, caring, understanding and Religious Person, could get people to lower their defenses. I would not characterize that individual as having any of those traits. It is that Somatic Narcissist who very closely resembles the Narcissistic ways discussed in the post found on that other website.
Essentially that post discusses 5 Red Flags which one could watch for when dealing with a Religious Narcissist. I found it an interesting read and so wanted to share it here.
Being in a relationship with a Narcissist once is your life, is in my opinion one time too many.
This video presentation is from the heart by someone who sadly has been there and done that.
How to spot a narcissist next time round before it’s too late.
Quote below is from what was posted with the video on the Daylight out of Darkness YouTube channel :
So I’m not going to give you a list of things to look out for because I actually believe that doesn’t help at all.
I think the most important thing to do is start paying attention to your own feelings inside while you are with that person. to make sure that you are meeting your own needs first. to pay attention to how you feel in the company of this person and I’m not talking about the in love feeling. how much you enjoy all the other interactions with this person and how this person reacts when you are meeting you are needs first on an ongoing basis. also picked up on the energy this person is emitting and how it is influencing you.
On some occasions it’s going to take you a while to realize someone is narcissistic or dysfunctional, but you will notice it after a short while if you are paying attention to your own needs and feelings, and then you can move on with grace.
The more healed you are inside as far as your emotional wounds the less your chances of actually ending up in a serious relationship with a narcissist. that’s why focusing on yourself is the most important criteria when it comes to narcissists and abuse.
Unfortunately the narcissist is like water he just molds to whatever receptacle he is poured into so sometimes it’s near impossible to pick up his narcissism from a checklist.
You are going to have to rely on your internal gauge. I believe this is the most important tool to living a healthy happy life and staying away from these dysfunctional characters. Link below to Daylight out of Darkness, “Shop Front”:
Posted to https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com/
Permission was granted via a Creative Commons License to include the long Quote above into this post.
After divorcing the Narcissist that she was married to, Tina Swithin went on to write a number of books to try and help others. If you are presently going thru (or are seriously contemplating) a divorce from your Narcissistic other, might I suggest that Tina Swithin‘s books could offer you insight from the battle trenches, from someone who has been there and gone thru that Hell.
Click on this link to visit Amazon.com to learn about Tina’s book titled: “Divorcing a Narcissist – One Mom’s Battle“.
Click on this link to visit Amazon.com to learn about Tina’s 2nd book titled: “Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield“.
Click on this link to visit Amazon.com to learn about Tina’s 3rd book titled: “Divorcing a Narcissist: Rebuilding After The Storm“.
Click on this link to visit Amazon.com to learn about Tina’s latest book titled: “The Narc Decoder: Understanding the Language of the Narcissist “.
Divorce of any kind is far from pleasant. Divorcing someone with NPD is in a separate league of it’s own and can be full of unexpected surprises and unpleasant turmoil.
One last quote from the above article posted on the xojane website:
“While our marriage was horrible, our divorce has been a nightmare that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.”
The following quote is from the Amazon.com page for Tina’s 1st book:
“Tina soon discovered that there is only one thing more difficult than being married to a narcissist and that is divorcing a narcissist.”
Narcissists can be very Charming. That is until you figure out why they are being so Charming.
In this video Tracy Malone discusses how the Narcissists who had crossed paths with her were Oh So Charming. This is another Major Red Flag to carefully watch for.
Video courtesy of the Tracy Malone YouTUbe channel
Tracy Malone’s videos go into intimate details about of the Red Flags of the Narcissists who had crossed her path. In this video she discusses “Rushing Intimacy” as being a major Red Flag to watch out for. She also describes. from the Heart, what she is going thru while recovering from Narcissistic Abuse.
May I suggest to check out Tracy Malone’s YouTube channel. Really grateful that she allows the sharing of her superb videos.
Video courtesy of the Tracy Malone YouTube channel
This is a great post from the Flying Monkeys Denied website.
The following are a few quotes from their very good post:
“It’s totally normal for a person with a Cluster B personality disorder to pathologically lie, gaslight, and smear campaign.”
“Every narcissistic person you know who actively badmouths another person or group without that person or stereotype represented is keeping a major secret from you.”
“Guess what, “Narcissistic Supply Source”? If you think a narcissistic person is trustworthy because of their special interest or attachment to you, nothing could possibly be further from the truth.”
“Narcissistic people get off emotionally and psychologically based on the thought of getting away with something. They only show remorse for their actions when and if they are caught.”
To read the complete post, just click on the photo above or on the Source link below. That will take you to the Flying Monkeys Denied website, which is an excellent resource well worth adding to your Bookmarked sites list.
We all know one. Maybe two. That boss who thinks he or she is a god. That spouse who is never wrong. That co-worker who always finds a scapegoat to take the blame. Are they just irritating people with few social skills or do they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder? (NPD)
There are certain indicators for NPD. Narcissists will have many, but not all of these:
- Narcissists believe they are better than everyone else. They believe they are better looking, more talented, smarter, their skills are superior. They often express disdain for those whom they consider inferior. They may have a grandiose personality, they may believe they are a god.
- They fantasize about their power, success and attractiveness. They will paint a very attractive picture of their goals, but it’s all smoke and mirrors, to convince you of their superiority.
- They love to talk about themselves. They can often be charming and entertaining…
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To spot a Narcissist, watch out for Red Flags.
Mirroring is Red Flag #5, on Narcissist Support YouTube channel‘s list. I would tend to list it as Red Flag #1, because Narcissist are always Mirroring those that they interact with.
Mirroring is a Major Psychological Manipulation Technique and is consistently used by Narcissist, because Mirroring is so effective,
Narcissists have trained themselves to automatically start using it, so as to gain an advantage over those whom they are interacting with.
Mirroring is a Major Red Flag. Watch for it. When you spot that Mirroring is being used, you “Neutralize” a Major Psychological Manipulation Technique used by Narcissists.
This is an extremely important video, featuring Sandra L. Brown, M.A., the founder of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education. It speaks of the total lack of knowledge of the Pathology of Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
People without a conscience, who have a total lack of Empathy for others, Negatively affect Millions of lives.
The Brains of Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists differ from the Brains of those who do not suffer from such disorders. They Have suffered major Attachment Trauma resulting in the right hemisphere of their Brain being unable to wire itself properly. This occurs very early in childhood, even before the left hemisphere of the brain has started to develop.
Since Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists cannot be helped (psychologically), the best approach is to educate the public of the Signs and Red Flags to look for. To educate people about who Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists literally “Target” and “Hunt for“.
Knowledge of the Signs and Red Flags can protect people from being Targeted, Used and Abused by Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists who suffer from such disorders.
Please watch this video and share it with friends and family.
In my posts here, I keep harping about Mirroring and to watch out for people Mirroring you. In this video Mirroring is mentioned starting at 23:30 and specifically at 25:50 and on.
Mirroring is a “very important” Red Flag.
PLEASE WATCH FOR IT.
Click on this line to visit Amazon.com to buy the award winning book titled “Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists” written by Sandra L. Brown.
Posted to: http://uniquelynarcisistic.wordpress.com
Empathy for others, is a large part of what makes us “Human Beings”.
Lack of Empathy is an Alien or Reptilian quality.
Empathy does not register in their mind. Maybe it is because of Childhood Trauma. Maybe no one gave a shit about them, when they were a young child and really needed someone to care, but no one did. Childhood Abandonment Issues is one thing which Narcissists seem to have in common.
Joseph Burgo has written a very useful and important book titled: “The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age“.
In the video below, Joseph Burgo is interviewed and goes over the details discussed in his book.