Category: Narcissist Abuse Injury

The results of the Rat Park Experiment, could apply to Victims of Relationship Abuse

Updated yet again on Apr 28 2017.

 

Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding) is said to keep those being abused, in the abusive relationship. They cannot leave their abuser.

I am posting this because I believe there is something to learn from the Rat Cage / Rat Park experiments.

I believe that victims of relationship abuse are stuck in the equivalent of an empty Rat Cage. They feel alone and not connected to anyone who cares about them. They may have been isolated from Family and Friends by physically moving to a different city. Abusers instinctively seem to know that if they can isolate someone, then they can control them and physically or mentally abuse them without outside interference. Again without a support structure, the victim is alone as in the isolated Rat Cage.

The drug in this scenario is the Abuser. Just as Rats isolated in a Rat Cage became addicted, so do the Abuse Victims. If the Victim does leave, then they could suffer from PTSD or worse. They will constantly think about the Abuser and often return to their Abuser, even after horrific physical abuse. In my opinion, this is highly similar to addiction.

Further proof of this concept comes from the same Rat Cage / Rat Park experiment. When the isolated and heavily addicted rats are moved out of an isolated environment into a Rat Park with lots of other rats and lots of stimulating things to do and play with, they lose their addiction.

Going further, Victims of abuse need to move into a Rat Park environment. They need to be among people who care. Friends and family who will morally support them. They need to also have fun. Being abused is “NOT FUN”. I suspect that once the victim is moved into a Rat Park type environment, then their addiction to the abuser could dissipate without symptoms of PTSD etc.

That brings up the lack of such a Rat Park environment for Abuse Victims. They should be surrounded by people who care, people who will try to help them. People who will talk to them. One common theme from Victims going thru forms of Therapy is that they cry their eyes out during the therapy sessions. They have no one to talk to. They feel that no one cares. Like the Rats in the isolated Rat cage. The Rats become addicted to the point of destroying themselves. Victims become addicted to their Abuser. For many victims this addiction destroys them. In my opinion, the Rat Park experiment shows the need to create a Human equivalent of a Rat Park for Victims of Abuse, so that victims can end their “Addiction” to their Abuser.

We have Women’s Shelters filled with women seeking help but percentage wise rather few “Helpers”. We have Therapy, which costs money that the abuse Victim may not have. No money, equals No Help. We have Public Housing, but with long waiting lists. We have legal aid for people convicted of a crime, but Victims of Relationship Abuse may not “qualify”. Society has a disorienting and disconnected patchwork of supposed help and so Victims cannot get away. It may not just be Trauma Bonding which is holding them back. As a society, we do not have an all inclusive support system,  like a Rat Park human equivalent environment,  to help Abuse Victims if they want to leave their Abuser, Heal and Recover. So they remain “stuck” in Abusive Relationships.

I have received email comments suggesting that it may be the Victim’s lack of confidence to express their feeling that could be at fault. A Victim’s typical inability to establish and enforce clear boundaries is in my opinion, a Learned Survival Mechanism. During early childhood, we learn how to survive in our home environment. Some kids are lucky and are born into loving and caring families. Other kids are not so lucky and have to adapt and learn behaviors to survive. That applies to Disordered Individuals also. One’s early childhood helps to form the future Adult. The work of the late Alice Miller readily comes to mind. I have referred to Abysmal Parenting or the lack of Parenting as being the primary cause of adult dysfunction. Many a Narcissist was not raised by their Birth Mother for example. On the other hand, when a Victim is physically being beaten Black and Blue, IMHO clearly the Abuser is at fault and “not” the Victim.

Video is courtesy of the Alice Miller YouTube channel

There was a video posted here of an English couple. The Husband gave his wife a couple of black eyes one night. The Police showed up and his attitude was as if nothing wrong happened. He called out to his wife and asked if she wanted to speak to the Police. Thankfully the Police had body video recorders running.

I have a friend who was isolated to a different country by a very Disordered Individual. Once isolated, the abuse became physical. One time she was beaten so badly that she ended up being hospitalized for months.  It was not her inability to speak up for herself that is to blame. If you start to speak up for yourself to a very disordered individual, you could very well be beaten Black and Blue. IMHO the Abuser is at fault and they are totally responsible for their behavior. View the video in the link shown above. Getting two black eyes was not the Victim’s fault.

I believe that when one learns about the Red Flags and if one starts to see multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis then one is able to get a better idea of who one is interacting with. It has nothing to do with putting labels on people before they do anything wrong. If one does not take heed of those Red Flags and falls prey to an Abuser, then it’s too late. Yes, people are out there who abuse other people. Yes, there are people with Codependent Traits and lots of Empathy, who seem to be attracted to those who abuse. Those who will abuse others also seem to be rather attracted to those who have lots of Empathy and Codependent traits. People call someone an Abuser after they have abused someone. It is not a matter of innocent until proven guilty. They get called that label because they have abused their victim. All abuse is bad, but some abuse is horrific.

I’m posting this for everyone to think about it. The videos below give more details about Dr. Bruce Alexander and his Rat Park experiment. BTW that Rat Park experiment has been repeated many times, with the same results. So it has been scientifically proven.

Video is courtesy of the MinuteVideos YouTUbe channel

Video is courtesy of the Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell YouTube channel

Video is courtesy of The Agenda with Steve Paikin YouTube channel

Long Term effects of Emotional Abuse. An interview with Emma Wicks

Narcissists will try to Gaslight the victim that their actions were not abusive or that any problems in the relationship are totally  the fault of the Victim. In the privacy of their shared home, the Disordered Individual will not give a 2nd thought to verbally and emotionally abusing their victim. But in public, their behavior changes to project a false image that are caring and loving, while the Victim is made out to be the abuser in the relationship. Crazy making is an apt description. Victims could end up with PTSD and Complex PTSD as a result of being exposed to long term Emotional Abuse.

Video is courtesy of the Kati Morton YouTube channel.

Depression, Exhaustion, and assorted Anxiety Disorders could be caused by Narcissistic Abuse

This young woman was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Long-term exposure to stress could cause numerous Anxiety Disorders, along with feelings of Exhaustion and Depression.

Video is courtesy of the Healing from Bad Relationships YouTube channel

Narcissistic Abuse is the Narcissist’s gift that just keeps on giving and destroying the potential for a life which the victim “could have lived”.

6 Steps to Emotional Healing after Narcissistic Abuse by Kim Saeed

Superb Video by Kim Saeed. Narcissistic Abuse could result in Complex Trauma.

Kim details six steps which could help one to deal with the Trauma caused by Narcissistic Abuse. Highly Recommended.

Video is courtesy of the Kim Saeed YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit Kim Saeed’s website called “Let Me Reach”.

Click on this Link to visit Kim Saeed’s Twitter page.

Click n this link to visit the facebook page of Kim Saeed.

Avaialble on amazon.com is Kim Saeed’s book titled :

 

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of The Trauma Bond by Shahida Arabi “Free” by Alice Popkorn via Flickr. Creative Commons License. Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe […]

via Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Copyright Shahida Arabi. Our thanks go out to Shahida Arabi for allowing this to be shared here.

 

POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of […]

via POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Narcissism Victim Syndrome, A New Diagnosis? Awesome article at Medical News Today

I really wish that I could repost this entire superb post about Narcissistic Abuse and the affect on their Victims. I’ll give a couple of excerpts, so you can get a taste of their article.

in the case of Jamie, whose husband makes her recite every day, “I’m only worth 29 cents – the price of a bullet,” he erodes her self-worth to nothing to keep her under his control. Who else could possible want such a worthless woman as she? With that belief, she will never leave him for good, although she makes many brief attempts to do so. She always returns. The brainwashing that continues day after day …

No matter which type of Narcissist he is, the end result is the same – a slow, insidious, breaking down of the self-esteem of his victims until there’s next to nothing left, at which point, the narcissist will frequently throw his partner out

Just click on the following line/link to visit the Medical News Website to read their extremely well written post titled: “

Narcissism Victim Syndrome, A New Diagnosis?”

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/10872.php

After the betrayal of Narcissistic Abuse…

Lisa A. Romano wrote:

If you’ve loved a narcissist, you may feel completely exposed and turned inside out. The pain is unlike any breakup you’ve ever experienced because it feels like these people have been able to infiltrate every cell of your being. Even though intellectually you may feel you need to end the relationship, on a cellular level you seem shaken to your core.

Symptoms of narcissistic abuse are shock, betrayal, confusion, depression, rage, anger, irritability, low tolerance for noise, and mindless conversations. You may find yourself wanting to be alone. You don’t feel like anyone could ever understand your pain. You may have trouble sleeping, eating, or thinking straight. Sometimes we experience physical symptoms, like upset stomachs, hair loss, and various other stress related acute responses.

Loving yourself after Narcissistic Abuse can be challenging, but its essential.”

Video is courtesy of the Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. YouTube channel

The hardest to bear is when others do not believe you when you share what the Narcissist did to you.

Most people will never understand that which they have never gone through.

They can thank their lucky stars, that they have not experienced the abuse and devastating betrayal of a Narcissist.

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Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”. Quote by Franz Kafka

Quote "Dear Narcissist, this feeling of being nothing that often dominate me...comes largely from your influence." by Franz Kafka

Quote:Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”.” Quote by Franz Kafka from his “Letter to his Father”.

 

Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International.

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After Narcissistic Abuse. Personal insights from a Victim of Narcissist Abuse.

Laura has been through the emotional roller coaster of a relationship with a Narcissist. Her video offers many helpful insights.

She speaks about “now being able to spot” the Red Flags displayed by Narcissists and “understanding their Game“. IMHO that is extremely important. When one starts seeing multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis, then one has a much better idea of who (or what) they are interacting with. Knowledge gives one the power to make informed decisions, including whether to get into a relationship with a potential Cluster-B Disordered individual such as a Narcissist.

It was interesting to note that her Mother was Narcissistic. There does seem to be a connection between women who attract Narcissists and the fact that they were brought up by a Narcissistic Mother.

Video is courtesy of the LauraBlue YouTube channel

It confirmed how damaging Narcissists can be, when you hear this Victim of Narcissistic Abuse, speak about her negative self talk and feelings of “not being good enough”.

Quotes from Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

Quotes from the hearts of those who have been and sadly done that.

The post on the ladywithatruck.com could help abuse survivors realize that they were not alone. Others have gone through similar trials and tribulations, with their own Narcissists.

Some excerpts from the ladywithatruck.com post are as follows:

“My biggest frustration and source of anger, is at those who have refused to take a stand when they saw the abuse perpetrated by my N ex-husband. No matter how outrageous his behavior others often stood by and inadvertently fueled his denial”

“Now he is getting in touch again and I don’t know why (he loves me, more use out of me, to hurt me – but why??) and I am a wreck. He knows my buttons and he pushed them with finesses. I still feel the pull and though I consciously know he’s an asshole (sorry) and I am disgusted and furious,”

“Charming, seducing, angelic…..and lying, betraying, manipulating; these people carve a swath of misery in their wake. They damage the lives of almost everyone they encounter. And yet, we think it’s our fault that we tolerated their abuse”

“Men or women CANNOT express this confusing world to anybody who hasn’t been there. It is HELL on earth. And so is the recovery process.”

It is really sad reading of the misery which a Narcissistic Abuser can cause. I believe that there are two benefits from such quotes from Survivors.

First of all the Survivor benefits by putting in writing (so to speak) what they feel inside. In a way it is like talking about it to a friend. Getting it out, can help in the healing process.

Secondly the readers benefit. Survivors can confirm that others had gone through similar situations. They may no longer feel isolated. Some may feel ashamed that they had been used and abused. Anyone can be fooled by an expert in emotional manipulation techniques. You are not weak or gullible. Actually your kind heart makes you an amazing Human Being. Unfortunately, it also attracts Narcissists.

If you haven’t already, click on this line to visit the post on the ladywithatruck.com website titled “Quotes From Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse – QUOTES FROM SOME VICTIMS

It is not only the quotes which can be insightful. Scroll down that posting to view the comments section.

“Letter to his Father” written by Franz Kafka, details abuse by a Narcissistic Father.

Sigmund Freud released his essay “on Narcissism” in 1914.

Click on this line to view Freud’s Concept of Narcissism* by Sergio Benvenuto.

A few years after Freud released his essay, Franz Kafka wrote his Letter to his abusive narcissistic Father in 1919. The letter was given to his mother, who refused to pass it on to his father and returned it Franz.

De Kafka Brief an den Vater 001Franz Kafka [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons has Jpeg photo files of all 104 pages of Kafka’s original letter draft. Click on this line to visit the Wikimedia Commons page to view their files. Note the letter was originally written in German.

The following are only some of the heart wrenching quotes from Kafka’s Letter to his Father:

“It is also true that you hardly ever really gave me a beating. But the shouting, the way your face got red, the hasty undoing of the suspenders and laying them ready over the back of the chair, all that was almost worse for me. It is as if someone is going to be hanged. If he really is hanged, then he is dead and it is all over. But if he has to go through all the preliminaries to being hanged and he learns of his reprieve only when the noose is dangling before his face, he may suffer from it all his life.

“Besides, from the many occasions on which I had, according to your clearly expressed opinion, deserved a beating but was let off at the last moment by your grace, I again accumulated only a huge sense of guilt. On every side I was to blame, I was in your debt.”

“You have always reproached me (either alone or in front of others, since you have no feeling for the humiliation of the latter, and your children’s affairs were always public)”

“There is only one episode in the early years of which I have a direct memory. You may remember it, too. One night I kept on whimpering for water, not, I am certain, because I was thirsty, but probably partly to be annoying, partly to amuse myself. After several vigorous threats had failed to have any effect, you took me out of bed, carried me out onto the pavlatche,* and left me there alone for a while in my nightshirt, outside the shut door. I am not going to say that this was wrong—perhaps there was really no other way of getting peace and quiet that night—but I mention it as typical of your methods of bringing up a child and their effect on me. I dare say I was quite obedient afterward at that period, but it did me inner harm. What was for me a matter of course, that senseless asking for water, and then the extraordinary terror of being carried outside were Two things that I, my nature being what it was, could never properly connect with each other. Even years afterward I suffered from the tormenting fancy that the huge man, my father, the ultimate authority, would come almost for no reason at all and take me out of bed in the night and carry me out onto the pavlatche, and that consequently I meant absolutely nothing as far as he was concerned. *Pavlatche is the Czech word for the long balcony in the inner courtyard of old houses in Prague. (Ed.)”

“That was only a small beginning, but this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me (a feeling that is in another respect, admittedly, also a noble and fruitful one) comes largely from your influence.”

“And it is characteristic that even today you really only encourage me in anything when you yourself are involved in it, when what is at stake is your own sense of self-importance

“What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments. “

You reinforced abusiveness with threats and this applied to me too. How terrible for me was, for instance, that “I’ll tear you apart like a fish,” although I knew, of course, that nothing worse was to follow (admittedly, as a little child I didn’t know that)”

I am of the opinion that it would be time well spent reading Kafka’s entire letter. It may shock you. It may also bring a tear to your eye. If you find that you can personally relate to the abuse which Kafka described, my heart goes out you. No child (or adult for that matter) deserves such treatment.

The pain and suffering is internalized by the child. When the child internalizes the repeated Traumas, it results in pain and suffering well into adulthood (possibly life long).

A full English translation is available online thanks to Google Docs. Click on this line to visit the Google Docs page which displays the English translation of Franz Kafka’ Letter to his Father.

Click on this line to visit the The Kafka Project site, which has an interesting review of Kafka’s Letter to his Father.

May I also make a suggestion. It should not be taken as my giving any sort of medical advice. Speak to your own Therapist or Physician or other Medical Professional about whether it might be an “educational idea” for you to write your own letter to your past (or still present) abusive Narcissist. Again, doing so would be for your own personal and educational purposes. It is “my opinion” that any such  letter should be retained by you and not given to anyone. Again speak to your own Medical Professional about how to proceed, should you and your Medical Professional decide to go ahead with such a letter.

Video courtesy of The School of Life YouTube channel

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What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.

Quote "What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments." by Franz Kafka

Quote “What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.” by Franz Kafka from his 1919 Letter to his Father.

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Commons License with attribution to “Uniquely Narcissistic”

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Narcissist Abuse Survivors Aren’t Sick. They’re Injured.

Narcissist Abuse Survivors Aren’t Sick. We’re Injured.

Video is courtesy of the Annabel Lee YouTube channel

Repetitive and Chronic Trauma have a lasting impact. Victims develop Complex Trauma and Trauma Bonding can occur.

Complex Trauma: Understanding and Treatment

Video is courtesy of the FOCL Online YouTube channel

Quoting from the text which was posted with this video:

“Historically, when someone has experienced trauma that has a lasting impact, they have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In recent years those who work with trauma victims have advocated for an additional category: Complex Trauma. Therapeutic work with those who have experienced either multiple traumas or Repetitive and Chronic Trauma”

In the video the presenter speaks about the abuse of Children and suffering multiple traumas. That the same Multiple Trauma Stress, can also “injure” an adult. For example, the victim of Narcissist Abuse becomes “marinated” in the Repetitive and Chronic Trauma.

Between the Traumatic Events will be “reward” type of events. The victim is cycled between reward and Trauma/Punishment events. That sets the Victim up for Trauma Bonding to occur. The emotional injuries alter the victim.

When one leaves an abusive relationship, the injuries do not disappear. Nor does the Trauma Bond break. The victim’s day will be filled with thoughts of the Abusive Narcissist.

The Victim will wonder if maybe the Narcissist was right and it was their own fault. The Narcissist would never admit to being at fault, always shifting the blame back to the Victim. There is an old saying that “If you tell people a “Lie” often enough, it becomes the “truth”.

Flashbacks are common.The inability to shut off the Flight or Fight response when a situation is not harmful. In my opinion, Complex Trauma can develop in both children and adults who have experienced Multiple Trauma or Repetitive and Chronic Trauma. I believe that Trauma Bonding can also be found in adult victims of abuse who have developed Complex Trauma.