Category: Narcissist Abuse Survivors

Trauma Bonding with a Narcissist or Other Abuser. 10 Strategies to Get Free!

This site had been setup to try and help, by being a resource of information. WordPress.com hosts this site for me, at no charge. The advertising on this site is put there by WordPress, to help cover some of their costs. Because the site is hosted by WordPress for free, I am not allowed to place any advertising .

I believe that if one is trying to help, then one should not try to gain some benefit from providing said help. I “know” the damage a Narcissist can do to an Empathetic Human Being. I have attracted Narcs all my life. Why? Because I care and will try to help others. I have crossed paths with all sorts of Narcissists. They share many of the Red Flags.

Even with my experience I was unable to pickup any Red Flags from a new employer until I started working, at a new job. This Narc was totally Malignant. He kept a baseball bat in his office (definitely not to play Baseball) and bragged about it. Heck playing Baseball would mean that he could sweat and mess up his of so incredible hair (his words)!!! He would not go swimming for that same reason and made sure everyone in the office knew.  I had crossed paths with malignant Narcs whom I thought could be dangerous. This new Boss not only could be, but I felt that he would be dangerous. He also had a constant need to be the center of attention. Held functionally pointless meetings daily so he play the role of King.

I knew enough that there was no point of putting myself through the pain and mental anguish which would happen if I stayed. IMHO the best solution to dealing with a Narcissist is to GO NO Contact, especially a totally Malignant Narc. I came in on the Monday of my 3 rd week. Cleaned up the computers and quit – after 2 weeks and gave no notice – I just walked out before the Boss arrived. That Boss was likely as close to a Psychopath as I will ever come across.

In my younger years I knew some Bikers. One became a close friend. He literally scared the other Bikers. but did not scare me as I got know him, his wife and kids. It was amazing watching Ted with his daughters. Sorry I digress. That new Boss scared me because one had no clue and I felt there was no limit to what he could do. The thing that upset me the most is that I had not picked up on any Red Flags, until I started to work there. My 2nd week was a real eye opener when his Mask came off.

I bring this up because I feel that there is a decent foundation of information found on this site and as such I have not posted much. Looking for something else, I recently came across some incredible videos created by a Therapist about Narcissists and how to Deal with them. She created the videos to try to help. I was blown away. She has her name on the videos, but does not have any contact info. She does not ask for anything. She does not ask people to send money to fund the video site (as more than a few people do). She did it because she cares and will get no personally benefit. She also states in each video to share the material so that others may be helped. I personally believe that we are members of the same family called Human Beings and should try to help each. Yes, I’m an empath, and I really believe that helping others is one of the most important things in life. The others things are sharing Love and Forgiveness.

I will start to share Shannon Petrovich’s videos on this site. I firmly believe that “Going No Contact” is the only viable solution. But, it is easier to type that, than actually Going No Contact. Trauma Bonding is very real. The Narcissist’s Victim has also been isolated from any form of support, from Family or Friends. Narcs will demand that you get their permission to meet with members of your Family or Friends. By keeping you isolated, makes it easier to “Totally Control” you. Being kept isolated deepens the Trauma Bonding, making it Very Very hard to Go No Contact. This video explains the situation.

Video is courtesy of the Therapist Talks YouTube channel.

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Interview with a Wife Beater

Video is courtesy of the 60 Minutes Australia YouTube Channel

Listen to the video and how the wife beater make excuses. He plays the cat and mouse game. He admits that he did wrong, then does not and makes excuses.

The video shot by his son shows that he threw his wife to the ground. Yet he states that he just wanted to give her a hug. He would not admit throwing her to the ground. Shoots back with a question: “Did I throw her to the ground?”.

He tries to shift the blame to the victim by saying that he does not know what his wife has said. Yet the video clearly shows him throwing his wife to the ground.

He thinks that there is no difference between saying that he repeatedly punched his wife in the head and giving her “taps”. He says that gave his wife “a couple of taps in the bathroom“. Changes the situation to be the fault of the wife.

He was asked if he believes that he was a “Monster”. He comes back saying that no he is not. A Malignant Narcissist will not admit that they did anything wrong. He says that he just “tapped” his wife, yet there is photo in the video of his wife with two black eyes. One must assume that to him it was OK to just “tap” his wife and that it was his wife’s fault that she ended up with two black eyes.

IMHO you cannot heal or change a Malignant Narcissist. IMHO, the best protection is to Go No Contact and work with the local Police and the Legal Courts.

The Heart Breaking story of Lorena Bobbitt

Depression, Exhaustion, and assorted Anxiety Disorders could be caused by Narcissistic Abuse

This young woman was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Long-term exposure to stress could cause numerous Anxiety Disorders, along with feelings of Exhaustion and Depression.

Video is courtesy of the Healing from Bad Relationships YouTube channel

Narcissistic Abuse is the Narcissist’s gift that just keeps on giving and destroying the potential for a life which the victim “could have lived”.

Rule #5 Do not fix, care take, mend, or use any kind of psychological tools to change a Narcissist

…  This excellent post is courtesy of the Echo Got Her Voice blog at https://howechogothervoice.com

Echo Got Her Voice

AGAIN I REPEAT: Do not go to fixing, helping, and explaining. Ns will suck you in. This will result in basically explaining away all of their negative treatment. Receiving help from me was typically used in this manner. George K. Simon discusses in his book regarding dealing with disturbed characters, “Help is not chasing after someone to give them something we think is of value even when they haven’t asked for it and show no appreciation for it.” He goes on to explain that in offering help to someone who shows no willingness to change and has probably already heard the same thing many times, we inevitably end up in a position to be hurt and increase their ability to continue their bad behavior.

I choose men that need my help. According to my therapists, I fear real intimacy. The therapists say I feel unworthy of it in my own…

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6 Steps to Emotional Healing after Narcissistic Abuse by Kim Saeed

Superb Video by Kim Saeed. Narcissistic Abuse could result in Complex Trauma.

Kim details six steps which could help one to deal with the Trauma caused by Narcissistic Abuse. Highly Recommended.

Video is courtesy of the Kim Saeed YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit Kim Saeed’s website called “Let Me Reach”.

Click on this Link to visit Kim Saeed’s Twitter page.

Click n this link to visit the facebook page of Kim Saeed.

Avaialble on amazon.com is Kim Saeed’s book titled :

 

Dr. George Simon Interview – Understanding & Dealing with Manipulative People

 
Dr. George K. Simon is a clinical psychologist with over 2 decades of experience working with people who have character disturbances and use covert aggression, as well as the targets/survivors of their manipulative behavior.

Dr. Simon is also a Bestselling Author of the book titled “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”.

In this video, Meredith Miller interviews Dr. George Simon with particular focus on her very insightful knowledge and expertise and applying it to the struggles of those who have survived Narcissistic Abuse.

Video is courtesy of the Inner Integration YouTube channel

Click on the following Link to visit Amazon.com to checkout Dr. Simon’s International Bestseller titled “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”.

Click on the following link to visit the Dr. George Simon website.

Click on the following link to visit Meredith Marie Miller’s website titled: “Inner Integration”.

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of The Trauma Bond by Shahida Arabi “Free” by Alice Popkorn via Flickr. Creative Commons License. Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe […]

via Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Copyright Shahida Arabi. Our thanks go out to Shahida Arabi for allowing this to be shared here.

 

POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of […]

via POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Narcissism Victim Syndrome, A New Diagnosis? Awesome article at Medical News Today

I really wish that I could repost this entire superb post about Narcissistic Abuse and the affect on their Victims. I’ll give a couple of excerpts, so you can get a taste of their article.

in the case of Jamie, whose husband makes her recite every day, “I’m only worth 29 cents – the price of a bullet,” he erodes her self-worth to nothing to keep her under his control. Who else could possible want such a worthless woman as she? With that belief, she will never leave him for good, although she makes many brief attempts to do so. She always returns. The brainwashing that continues day after day …

No matter which type of Narcissist he is, the end result is the same – a slow, insidious, breaking down of the self-esteem of his victims until there’s next to nothing left, at which point, the narcissist will frequently throw his partner out

Just click on the following line/link to visit the Medical News Website to read their extremely well written post titled: “

Narcissism Victim Syndrome, A New Diagnosis?”

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/10872.php

After the betrayal of Narcissistic Abuse…

Lisa A. Romano wrote:

If you’ve loved a narcissist, you may feel completely exposed and turned inside out. The pain is unlike any breakup you’ve ever experienced because it feels like these people have been able to infiltrate every cell of your being. Even though intellectually you may feel you need to end the relationship, on a cellular level you seem shaken to your core.

Symptoms of narcissistic abuse are shock, betrayal, confusion, depression, rage, anger, irritability, low tolerance for noise, and mindless conversations. You may find yourself wanting to be alone. You don’t feel like anyone could ever understand your pain. You may have trouble sleeping, eating, or thinking straight. Sometimes we experience physical symptoms, like upset stomachs, hair loss, and various other stress related acute responses.

Loving yourself after Narcissistic Abuse can be challenging, but its essential.”

Video is courtesy of the Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. YouTube channel

The hardest to bear is when others do not believe you when you share what the Narcissist did to you.

Most people will never understand that which they have never gone through.

They can thank their lucky stars, that they have not experienced the abuse and devastating betrayal of a Narcissist.

.

Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”. Quote by Franz Kafka

Quote "Dear Narcissist, this feeling of being nothing that often dominate me...comes largely from your influence." by Franz Kafka

Quote:Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”.” Quote by Franz Kafka from his “Letter to his Father”.

 

Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International.

Place your mouse cursor on the image. Then right Click and then choose Save Image As.

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

After Narcissistic Abuse. Personal insights from a Victim of Narcissist Abuse.

Laura has been through the emotional roller coaster of a relationship with a Narcissist. Her video offers many helpful insights.

She speaks about “now being able to spot” the Red Flags displayed by Narcissists and “understanding their Game“. IMHO that is extremely important. When one starts seeing multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis, then one has a much better idea of who (or what) they are interacting with. Knowledge gives one the power to make informed decisions, including whether to get into a relationship with a potential Cluster-B Disordered individual such as a Narcissist.

It was interesting to note that her Mother was Narcissistic. There does seem to be a connection between women who attract Narcissists and the fact that they were brought up by a Narcissistic Mother.

Video is courtesy of the LauraBlue YouTube channel

It confirmed how damaging Narcissists can be, when you hear this Victim of Narcissistic Abuse, speak about her negative self talk and feelings of “not being good enough”.

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

This is another really good resource for woman who grew up with Narcissist Mothers. It is a blog run by Michelle Piper, a Psychotherapist who specializes in working with survivors of Narcissistic Abuse.

Click on this Link to visit the NarcissisticMother.com blog to read their post titled: “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers“.

Daughter of a Narcissist

Really good video about the serious repercussions of growing up as a daughter of a Narcissist Mother.

The title of this video is striking. Daughters of a Narcissist Mother lose out on so much of their childhood and teen years. The Narcissist Mother’s parenting has setup the daughter for an Adult life with a Narcissist for a husband.

The Daughters are in a way “Bred” to marry a Narcissist. Such a potentially sad waste of an innocent life.

Video is courtesy of the
Support for victims of Narcissism YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit a blog run by the woman who created the above video. This blog is called “Narcissism Survivor“.

The woman who created the above video also runs a Google+ blog titled “Support for Victims of Narcissism“.

If you grew up with a Narcissist for a Mother, please visit this lady’s blogs (especially Support for Victims of Narcissism) and watch her YouTube channel videos.

UPDATE – found yet another blog run by this lady. Click on this line to visit her site called 30 Year Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse: Making Sense of It All.

After they Isolate you, then they can start the Physical Abuse

Click on this Link to visit the Healthy Place website to read their post titled “Isolation and Domestic Abuse: How Abusers Isolate Victims“.

The most striking thing about Physical Abuse is that victims were first “Isolated”.They moved out of New York City to some small town. They moved to a remote cottage. They married and lived in another part of the country, away from the Victim’s family and Friends. The Victim was emotionally restrained from going away to visit with Friends and Family. The Victim’s Father was dying in the Hospital and yet the Abuser would not let the Victim leave to be with her Father.

Abusers cannot control a Victim from a distance. Abusers maintain their power and control over the Victim, by enforcing the Victim’s silence. If the Victim visits their family, they might speak of the horrors being done to the Victim. Once the abuse is out in the open, the Abuser starts to lose much of the power and control over their Victim.

The abuser will present tons of semi logical excuses for moving the Victim away from their Family and Friends. They will start a new life together…BS…more BS…some more BS….and even more BS.

When the Victim has no one else to help her, she becomes totally dependent on the Abuser. To make the situation worse, the Abuser may become the sole income earner. Rather hard to leave when you have no money.

Isolation is a Major Red Flag. If you do not allow yourself to become isolated, then you will not become dependent on your Lover and potential abuser. Note that the abuse does not start until the victim has been isolated.

Learn about the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. Then watch for them.

The more Red Flags that you spot, the more questions you should have of the individual displaying those Red Flags.

Why Abuse Victims stayed

When you watch this video, note the Red Flags (like Love Bombing and Isolating the Victim and making the Victim dependent on the Abuser) which appeared “prior” to the physical abuse starting.

This video features Leslie Morgan Steiner, Beverly Gooden, Kit Gruelle, Mildred Muhammad who were Victims of Physical Abuse. They address why they had stayed in the Abusive Relationship. Kudos to these Brave Women for sharing their stories.

Video is courtesy of the Markay Media YouTube channel

Learn about and then watch for the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. The more Red Flags displayed, the more questions you should be asking about the individual displaying those Red Flags.

Click on this Link to visit the Why We Stayed Twitter page.

Click on this line to visit the Kit Gruelle website.

Click on this line to visit the Mildred Muhammad website.

Click on this line to visit the Beverly Gooden website

Click on this line to visit the Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page

Why domestic violence victims don’t leave by Leslie Morgan Steiner

In this TED Talks presentation Leslie Morgan Steiner explains “Why domestic violence victims don’t leave”.

Leslie Morgan Steiner says that she was in “crazy love” — that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life.

The video is courtesy of the TED YouTube channel

The relationship started out, by the Abuser Love Bombing her. She called it to Seduce and Charm the victim. Her future Abuser Idolized her and she stated that that he “believed” in her. Note that she uses the term “Soul Mate”. Watch for those Red Flags, they may be extremely important to your future health and well being.

Next the victim is isolated. She was moved away from her friends and family.

About a week before she married her Abuser, he choked her and bashed her head into a wall. When the bruises on her neck cleared, she went ahead and married her Abuser.

She got the “I’m sorry” story and that it would never happen again. She did get Abused again, and on a regular basis.

Trauma Bonding, in my opinion, kept her in the relationship. Listen to the language which she uses to describe her Abuser.

There is something else which kept her in that Abusive Relationship. That was her “Silence” about it. I know that statement may not sit well with some readers. Listen carefully at the end of the video, where Leslie Morgan Steiner clearly states that the end of her Abuse started when she “started talking about it”.

She talked to the Police about it – very very important first step. She talked to the neighbors about it. She talked to all her friends and family about it. The key is that she “Talked About It“. She let people know that she was being Abused and people helped her. If someone does not know about your abuse, then they cannot help you. “Talking about her Abuse to others”, helped to break her bonds to the Abuser

Talking about your Abusive Relationship to “everyone” Is the Major Message of this video. No one deserves to be Abused. Abusers program those being Abused “Not to Tell“. When one stays quiet about being Abused, they are giving power over themselves to the Abuser. Abuse is about having power and control over someone. Abusers want those being abused, “to keep their mouths shut”. As soon as one tells others about being abused, their Abuser loses all of his or her power and control. Saying something about being Abused could help to set the Victim free.

Click on this Link to read a prior post about a female being turned into a Human Torch because she dared to leave a Disordered Individual. She was burned alive because the guy “didn’t accept being abandoned”.

Note also the major Red Flag indicated by the abuse that her Abuser had apparently received from his Step Father from the age of four. Major Trauma suffered by an infant and a young child is IMHO a Major Red Flag that such an individual could be a Disordered Adult.

Those Red Flags could be extremely important. Learn about them and then watch for them. The more Red Flags that show up, the more questions should be raised about the individual displaying those Red Flags

Click on this link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner website.

Click on this Link to visit the official Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page.

Click on this Link to visit Amazon.com to learn more about Leslie Morgan Steiner‘s book titled “Crazy Love”.