Category: Narcissist Red Flags

Gilan Gork’s superb explanation of Mirroring. Narcissists use Mirroring to establish a sense of Trust and Rapport with their Target.

Mirroring is one the most important Red Flags displayed by Narcissists, on a consistent basis.

Mirroring someone can open the door into their mind. You can create “Trust”, “Rapport” and get someone to believe that you and them have established a “Connection”. Most people have never heard of Mirroring, allowing Narcissists to readily use it.

I recall one situation, the Cerebral Narc was standing and talking to some people. His target came by and she bent over placing her elbows on a counter. The Narc spotted her and went over and Mirrored her. He bent over the counter placing his elbows on the counter. She had no clue what was going on. The others also did not notice what the Narc was doing. As his target changed position, so did the Narc. He also started to adjust his tonality to better match her. It was classic. Only the Cerebral Narcissist and myself had any clue that he was manipulating his target.

Video is courtesy of the GilanGorkTV YouTube channel

Cluster-B Disordered individuals, such as Narcissist use Mirroring on a consistent basis (so do Psychopaths). Why ? Because it works. It lets them establish Trust and Rapport with their Target. This shuts down the Target’s natural Fight or Flight protective response.

Learn about Mirroring and then always watch for it.

 

The dangers of being in a relationship with a Disordered Narcissist

Dr. David B Hawkins discusses some of the dangers when one gets involved in a relationship with a Narcissist, especially to one’s Self Esteem.

The video also has some sound advice regarding Boundaries.

Video is courtesy of the David Hawkins YouTube channel

The one point that he makes that I disagree with, is about being able to change a Narcissist. It is my opinion, and your mileage may differ, that Narcissism is a Hard Wiring problem caused by major Attachment Trauma(s) suffered when the Narc was a tiny infant. There is no Treatment Protocol for Narcissism, and many Licensed Therapists will agree.

Trauma caused later in life, also changes Brain Chemistry and it is very hard to treat, just ask anyone with PTSD or Complex PTSD, but can be treated. 

I also think that it also depends on the depth on the Narcissistic Disorder. A Malignant Narcissist IMHO cannot be changed and it could be dangerous to even try to get them to change. Someone who is not deeply disordered, just maybe could adapt to you setting boundaries etc.

 

Codependence – Patterns and Characteristics

CoDA.org holds meetings similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. Those with Codependent tendencies can meet, share and talk.

Codependence stems from not receiving the Love, Care, Attention and Confirmation and Praise which “you deserved” when you were a child. The child’s sense of self is not allowed to develop. Codependence, is in my opinion, a survival mechanism developed by the child and carried over into adulthood.

There are people, such a Narcissists , who will search for and pick up on someone’s Codependent tendencies. Narcissists are well versed in Psychological Manipulation Techniques to reel in their Codependent targets. Codependents are easily duped by the Narcissist’s Love Bombing. The Narcissist’s Love Bombing provides the Codependent Target, that which the Target had never received from their parents, when they were a child. Unfortunately the Love Bombing was never something real. It was just another Psychological Manipulation and Control Technique used by disordered individuals such as Narcissists.

A Licensed Therapist can help one to figure out the Triggers of Codependent Tendencies. Realizing the Self Doubt and Self Sabotage and negative Self Talk is the first step towards healing. Healing opens the door to finding a Healthy relationship and could also help to limit you being targeted by Disordered Individuals such as Narcissists.

The Codependents anonymous meetings held, by CoDA.org, in your local area could be helpful tool on your road to recovery. Speak to your Therapist about CoDA.org. Also find out if your licensed Therapist holds Group Therapy sessions. You are not alone. Sadly many have had parents who were clueless about proper parenting and helping their children grow and develop their Self Worth and Self Esteem. It is my opinion that Codependence is created by abysmal parenting.

Click on the link below to view the CoDA.org document titled: Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence.

http://coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

Quote “It is my attraction to some of those Red Flags that causes problems. The Love Bombing makes me feel oh so special. The feeling that you have met your Soul Mate is indescribable.”

Quote

Quote:It is my attraction to some of those Red Flags that causes problems. The Love Bombing makes me feel oh so special. The feeling that you have met your Soul Mate is indescribable.

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Psychotherapist Terri Cole discusses Traits and Red Flags, to help you tell if you are dating a Narcissist.

Video is courtesy of the Terri Cole YouTube channel

Terri Cole also wrote:

When it comes to being in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s difficult to find any real intimacy because everything is about your functionality in their life. Narcissists can love only on a superficial level. As long as you are doing what they think you are supposed to be doing, all is well (and when i say ‘well’ I mean they get what they want and you stay unsatisfied, unseen and unheard.) The moment you deny them exactly what they want, look out! They will explode, get mean and do just about anything to get you back in line with their plan. If you don’t comply, they will leave.

Actions and conversations with a narcissist all revolve around building them up, even when it’s “about you,” it’s really about them – they get to “show you off to their friends.” That isn’t about you at all. It’s about their ego and how you make them look.

You can learn more about Terri Cole by visiting her website by clicking on this line.

You can also checkout her social Media pages as listed below:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TerriColeLCS...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/terri_cole
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terricole/
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/terricoleLCSW/

Terri Cole’s video above, reminded me of a particular Somatic Narcissist that I once had to deal with.

Knowledge gives one the Power to make an informed decision, about who to get into a relationship with and who to Go No Contact with.

Quote "Knowledge gives one the Power to make an informed decision, about who to get into a relationship with and who to Go No Contact with." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:Knowledge gives one the Power to make an informed decision, about who to get into a relationship with and who to Go No Contact with.

 

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Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. Place your mouse cursor on the image. Then right Click and then choose Save Image As.

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By using Mirroring, Narcissists achieve great success in establishing deep rapport with their Target. Mirror Neuron Science explains how this happens inside the brain.

Yes, I have a deep fascination of Mirroring. I also have a deep respect for it’s ability to influence and making it easy to manipulate others. It is a major Red Flag to watch for.

The video below discusses Mirror Neurons inside Human Brains.

Video is courtesy of the Integr8 YouTube channel

Husband kills family, then self

The female had called police about a verbal argument with her husband saying that she had feared for her life. The Police came to the home, but the husband was no longer there. The police informed her about getting a Protection From Abuse Order. She indicated that she would do so, but never followed through. Trauma Bonding messes up the logical thinking of the abused victim.

If the Police are suggesting to get a Protection From Abuse Order, then do it. The husband apparently purchased a legal handgun the following day.

Abusive and Disordered people fear abandonment. Some fear abandonment more than they fear death. The abuse is to keep the victim in line and under control.

The Disordered Individual cannot handle losing control. One solution is to eliminate the problem. Because Narcissists know right from wrong (unlike with Psychopaths where right or wrong do not exist) they will realize that they just murdered their family. The embarrassment of going to trial and media attention would be too great for their fragile Ego to handle. So they kill themselves.

If you are in an abusive relationship and considering leaving, please contact your local Law Enforcement. They can also inform you of other assistance available to you – like Battered Women’s Shelters. Listen to the Police and follow through by getting any suggested Court Orders. By getting Law Enforcement to visit the family home, a Disordered Individual such as an abusive Narcissist could reconsider escalating the violence, since it has now been made public. It anything goes to Court, a Police Officer’s testimony will trump a Narcissist’s great sounding BS.

The video below is a Heads Up that Disordered Individuals can damage way more than your emotional well being. They can literally destroy you and possibly your children. Learning about the Red Flags to watch for is so very important. Better to walk away when multiple Red Flags are displayed, than becoming involved with a Disordered Individuals and later getting emotionally and or physicically abused or even killed.

Video is courtesy of the Inside Edition YouTube channel

When you leave an abusive relationship, you enter into the world of Abuse Recovery. It will take time and it can be painful.

A first person account of going through Abuse Recovery. It will not be easy. Nor will it be any fun.

One key point from this video is that by hanging in there, you can reach the light at the end of that dark tunnel.

I believe that a lot of people need to view this video, to help them to understand the insanity which they had lived through. It’s also important to hear that you were not the only one who was targeted, used and abused by a Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath. It helps to listen to the Red Flags mentioned, which were found in the presenter’s Toxic Relationship

Videos like this one, take guts to make public. IMHO, videos like this one are Extremely Important.

Video is courtesy of the Angel Speaks YouTube channel

Cluster-B Disordered Individuals mess up many loving and caring people. This IMHO is the fault of the Educational Systems. Just as there are Sex Education classes, there should also be training about the Red Flags displayed by Cluster-B Disordered Individuals. Have videos such as this one, shown to every High School, College and University graduating group.

A friend ended up in a Hospital for months after the Malignant Narcissist that she had married, went into a rage. No one ever taught her about the Red Flags to look for. She married and was isolated from friends and family, by moving to another country. Becoming isolated and totally dependent on a Cluster-B Disordered individual opens the door to major physical abuse. All my friend had to talk to were the Flying Monkeys, that is the Malignant Narc’s family. She learned about the Red Flags, after major damage was done.

What Does It Say About Me that I Fell for the Narcissist and His Lies?

I received an email asking if Narcissists ever change.

Video is courtesy of the The Dr. Phil Show YouTube channel

Dr. Phil interviews Ex-Girlfriend Of Man Accused Of Killing, Dismembering Seattle Mom. See how many Red Flags you can pick up. This lady was lucky that she was not isolated during her 6 months or so with that guy.

She said that he was Charming, Witty and Very Smart. How do you spell Cerebral Narcissist? Yet she could tell that there was something about him that was “off”. There was something scary about his eyes. Potentially Malignant? When the mask slips, one gets to see something else, which was lurking behind that mask.

He met the the Seattle Mom (whom he allegedly killed and dismembered) online via an dating site.

Which brings me to an email which I had received from a visitor to this site.

I received an email asking if Narcissists ever change. The writer stated that they were dating people via an internet dating site. They had found Narcissists to be “much more fun” than the “normal” “regular” people.

Yes you can date Narcissists which you meet on an Internet Dating Site. Great way to risk your life, meeting total strangers and one’s whom you prefer to be afflicted with a  Cluster-B Disorder like NPD. Hey, you might get to meet your first Psychopath (who could also turn out to be your last).

You may have fun in the beginning.

Read the recent posts about the women who could not leave physically abusive relationships. They all had so much fun – in the very beginning during the Love Bombing Phase. Listen to how they describe the guy, who ended up physically abusing them consistently after they had been isolated from family and friends. Things changed drastically. They got Black Eyes on a consistent basis. The were kicked down flights of stairs. They had their heads punched repeatedly. Not fun things to go through. Especially if the Narcissist or Cluster-B Disordered Individual can isolate you and make you totally dependent on them. Note that those “boring” “Normal” and “Regular” people generally are not as prone to do such things.

Yes playing with Fire can be so much fun. But IMHO the odds are against you.
You may get burned, or simply Disappear.

When a Victim of Continued Domestic Physical and Emotional Abuse Commits Suicide, the Abuser can be charged with “Depraved Heart Murder”.

Click on this Link to visit The Huffington Post to read their article titled: “Man Charged With Murder For Allegedly Driving His Partner To Suicide.

Click on this link to learn more about depraved-heart murder, also known as depraved-indifference murder charges.

If you are being abused, you can get Compassionate and Confidential Support. In the U.S.A., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). That is the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

 

Why this site was setup and who had inspired me to do so

Surprise, this site have been up for 6 months.

Who inspired me to start this site?

You see last year I learned a few things, which triggered the creation of this site.

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One evening, I was enjoying a few beers and the company of a lovely lady and kind soul. She shared some things from her past. I was taken aback. I had crossed paths with Narcissists, but never with a malignant Narc (that has since changed). Well my drinking buddy that evening had married a Malignant Narcissist. She moved to another part of the Globe. Then she learned what she had married.

In a rage her Malignant Narcissist ended up putting her in the hospital for months. She had no family in that country. She had no friends. Only the Flying Monkeys which were his family. Her experience gave me the idea for this site. If she had known about the Red Flags given off by Narcissists, she might not have gotten involved, let alone gotten married. and isolated in a foreign land.

The Sandra Brown video also gave me more inspiration. Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths are everywhere and mess up a lot of people. I believe that it is the fault of the educational systems. Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder is far more than just being “Stuck Up”, which is the common belief of what being a Narcissist is.

Because the Narcissist’s Play Book seems to be universal, I figured that if I could setup a site which showcased the Red Flags to look for, it might provide people with knowledge to make better decisions. On this site one can learn what those Red Flags are. Then watch for them.

When multiple Red Flags start showing up, it might be time to step back and reconsider one’s interaction with the individual who is displaying those multiple Red Flags. Multiple Red Flags could indicate that you are dealing with a Cluster-B Disordered Individual and it might be wise to slow down, to ask more questions. It would also be a good idea to introduce your new love interest to all your friends and family members, to get their important opinions. They can also potentially help Law Enforcement identify your new love interest, should you suddenly “Disappear” (I’m being very serious).

Disordered Individuals need to rush, when they are Psychologically Manipulating you. They can’t keep their mask on for too long. The sooner that they get into your head via the Love Bombing and Mirroring, the easier it will be isolate you. Once you are programmed and isolated, the Disordered Individual will relax. The Love Bombing False Persona could become a fond memory. Their Mask will start to come off. Your new Reality could be shocking and possibly painful. Especially if they can isolate you from your family and friends and make you totally dependant on them

I believe that this site has succeeded in providing information. I have noticed that a number of visitors are using the link found in the Main Menu at the top of the page, to help them find Licensed Therapists, who can help them heal from Narcissistic Abuse.

The number of visitors keeps growing each month. Thousands of individuals have visited and continue to visit this site. Even if only “one” single person learned about the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals, then it was worth the time and effort. What that Malignant Narcissist had put my friend through, I would not wish on an enemy.

Her story has no ending.

She has to look over her shoulder when in public. She takes a Taxi home, even if it’s within walking distance, to reduce the chance of being followed.

Not a fun way to live.

Love Bombing insights from the Trenches

Must view video filled with insights about Love Bombing and other Red Flags.

Her new Lover was talking about Marriage very shortly after their first meeting. This woman became so Psychologically Manipulated by the Love Bombing, that she bought her Wedding Dress within the first 2 weeks of meeting that new Lover. Classic Love Bombing and Major Red Flag. Love Bombing worked faster than Brain Washing / Mind Control techniques. The new Lover was in the mean time also seeing another woman.

The person Love Bombing you, is also Mirroring you. That establishes a very deep rapport and trust in the mind of the victim being Psychologically Manipulated. That deep Rapport and Trust is something which keeps physical Abuse Victim in Abusive Relationship.

The Victim dismisses being kicked down a fight of stairs and reminds herself of the beginning of the relationship when the Love Bombing and Mirroring were going on at full speed. She tells herself that he was so sweet and so charming and amazing and so lovable. The fact that he now punches her in the head multiple times and gives her Black Eyes on a regular basis, does not dislodge the Mind Control established during the Love Bombing phase. The abuse is dismissed because she is still “in Love” with the fake Persona she met during the Love Bombing phase.

Love Bombing is not about Love. Love Bombing is strictly about establishing Control over the Victim.

Video is courtesy of the Truthball In Search of Goof YouTube channel

One thing to note is how this woman kept attracting Disordered Individuals. Christine De Canonville noted in a seminar that once you have been with a Disordered Individual, you have been primed and other Disordered Individuals will spot you in a crowd and target you.

When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

Quote "When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

 

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After they Isolate you, then they can start the Physical Abuse

Click on this Link to visit the Healthy Place website to read their post titled “Isolation and Domestic Abuse: How Abusers Isolate Victims“.

The most striking thing about Physical Abuse is that victims were first “Isolated”.They moved out of New York City to some small town. They moved to a remote cottage. They married and lived in another part of the country, away from the Victim’s family and Friends. The Victim was emotionally restrained from going away to visit with Friends and Family. The Victim’s Father was dying in the Hospital and yet the Abuser would not let the Victim leave to be with her Father.

Abusers cannot control a Victim from a distance. Abusers maintain their power and control over the Victim, by enforcing the Victim’s silence. If the Victim visits their family, they might speak of the horrors being done to the Victim. Once the abuse is out in the open, the Abuser starts to lose much of the power and control over their Victim.

The abuser will present tons of semi logical excuses for moving the Victim away from their Family and Friends. They will start a new life together…BS…more BS…some more BS….and even more BS.

When the Victim has no one else to help her, she becomes totally dependent on the Abuser. To make the situation worse, the Abuser may become the sole income earner. Rather hard to leave when you have no money.

Isolation is a Major Red Flag. If you do not allow yourself to become isolated, then you will not become dependent on your Lover and potential abuser. Note that the abuse does not start until the victim has been isolated.

Learn about the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. Then watch for them.

The more Red Flags that you spot, the more questions you should have of the individual displaying those Red Flags.

Why Abuse Victims stayed

When you watch this video, note the Red Flags (like Love Bombing and Isolating the Victim and making the Victim dependent on the Abuser) which appeared “prior” to the physical abuse starting.

This video features Leslie Morgan Steiner, Beverly Gooden, Kit Gruelle, Mildred Muhammad who were Victims of Physical Abuse. They address why they had stayed in the Abusive Relationship. Kudos to these Brave Women for sharing their stories.

Video is courtesy of the Markay Media YouTube channel

Learn about and then watch for the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. The more Red Flags displayed, the more questions you should be asking about the individual displaying those Red Flags.

Click on this Link to visit the Why We Stayed Twitter page.

Click on this line to visit the Kit Gruelle website.

Click on this line to visit the Mildred Muhammad website.

Click on this line to visit the Beverly Gooden website

Click on this line to visit the Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (err surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel