Category: Narcissist targets you

Codependence – Patterns and Characteristics

CoDA.org holds meetings similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. Those with Codependent tendencies can meet, share and talk.

Codependence stems from not receiving the Love, Care, Attention and Confirmation and Praise which “you deserved” when you were a child. The child’s sense of self is not allowed to develop. Codependence, is in my opinion, a survival mechanism developed by the child and carried over into adulthood.

There are people, such a Narcissists , who will search for and pick up on someone’s Codependent tendencies. Narcissists are well versed in Psychological Manipulation Techniques to reel in their Codependent targets. Codependents are easily duped by the Narcissist’s Love Bombing. The Narcissist’s Love Bombing provides the Codependent Target, that which the Target had never received from their parents, when they were a child. Unfortunately the Love Bombing was never something real. It was just another Psychological Manipulation and Control Technique used by disordered individuals such as Narcissists.

A Licensed Therapist can help one to figure out the Triggers of Codependent Tendencies. Realizing the Self Doubt and Self Sabotage and negative Self Talk is the first step towards healing. Healing opens the door to finding a Healthy relationship and could also help to limit you being targeted by Disordered Individuals such as Narcissists.

The Codependents anonymous meetings held, by CoDA.org, in your local area could be helpful tool on your road to recovery. Speak to your Therapist about CoDA.org. Also find out if your licensed Therapist holds Group Therapy sessions. You are not alone. Sadly many have had parents who were clueless about proper parenting and helping their children grow and develop their Self Worth and Self Esteem. It is my opinion that Codependence is created by abysmal parenting.

Click on the link below to view the CoDA.org document titled: Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence.

http://coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

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What Does It Say About Me that I Fell for the Narcissist and His Lies?

Are You a Magnet for Narcissists?

Great insights into why you attracted a Narcissist

An Upturned Soul

Please Note: You can skip whatever part you are not interested in – I’m assuming you’re interested in a part of this as you’re reading it – and go straight to whichever part you are looking for. PART ONE indulges my need to understand NPD due to my being the only child of two Narcissists. PART TWO is my experience of what attracts Narcissists. PART THREE is my experience of  what having a relationships with a Narcissist means for the person who is a magnet for Narcissists like I am. PART FOUR is a bit of a rant about Narcissists and what I’ve learned about myself and self expression due to repeatedly attracting them and learning shit from them.

I read a blog post the other day written by a woman who became alarmed that her propensity to attract Narcissists was a sign that she herself could be one. She…

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Red Flags of Codependency. Being prone to Love Bombing is Red Flag #1 of Codependents

Narcissists use Love Bombing to reel in their prey. Codependents tend to be very prone to be taken in by Love Bombing techniques.

The video starts off with a description of what Love Bombing looks like.

Very well presented Red Flag from the point of view of the Codependent Target/Victim. Her analogy of an empty bucket is food for thought.

Video is courtesy of the Thrive After Abuse YouTube channel

Narcissists will Target you, depending on how you answer their line of questioning

Will someone miss you? Will someone be there to help you? Do you have family in the same city? What did you do on the weekend? Do you have lots of friends which can provide you with lots of support?

This video also has valid suggestions about how to deal with a Narcissist Boss at work. Narcs will leave you alone at work, if they feel that you are not so vulnerable and if they need your skill set. I’ve crossed paths with Narcs very high up the Corporate Ladder and the advice  in this video is accurate.

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Narcissists look for you, if you have or have had Complex PTSD

If you have come from an abusive relationship and ended up with Complex PTSD symptoms, Narcissists would happily feed you lines.

If you have gotten over Complex PTSD, the suggestion in the video is to consider staying single for at least a year. That means do not date anyone. Individuals who have had Complex PTSD make perfect targets for Manipulative Narcissists.

Stay single and continue working with a great Therapist.

.Video is courtesy of the What’s Wrong … with Kris and Steve YouTube channel

Narcissist Red Flag “When I look at you I see my Soul Mate. I feel that we are Kindred Spirits”

A Narcissist looks deeply into your eyes and softly says that when they look at you they see their “Soul Mate“. Your heart rate increases. Your face starts to flush. Your Fight or Flight response shuts down. You become enamored. Your judgements becomes clouded. You believe the Narcissist and feel oh so wonderful having found “Your Soul Mate“.

A variant of the above is having the Narcissist take you aside (they would not want other potential Targets to hear) to inform you that they feel that the both of you are “Kindred Spirits“.

Not so fast. Heck you hardly know each other. It could be a Red Flag called Love Bombing, which is a tactic commonly used by Cluster-B Disordered individuals such as Narcissists.

Generally you get such “Bullshit” lines when the Narcissist wants something, which they believe that they can con you into “giving to them”.

It could be something physical, like maybe providing a roof over their head when they move into your “Home”. Narcissists are rather good at planning ahead, “for themselves”.

It could be that you are wealthy and the Narcissist feels that it would only be proper if a “Soul Mate” shared their wealth with another “Soul Mate”.

It could be that you are rather Handsome or Beautiful. The Narcissist would feel so proud parading you around on their arm. The Trophy Wife syndrome.

Maybe you are extremely popular and or famous. In such a case the Narcissist will happily tag along to all those special events that you get invited to. That helps to keep their fragile Ego well inflated.

It could be that they are having a bad month. Their last source of Narcissistic Supply finally got fed up and went No Contact. The Narcissist needs Narcissistic Supply, not unlike a Drug Addict needing their fix.

You may not be rich or beautiful or famous. You’re just a normal average human being, who has an internal desire to be find someone to love and to be loved back. As such, to the narcissist you are nothing special.

A Cerebral Narcissist, for example, would not give you a second thought because to them you just are not good enough and so unworthy of becoming their Source of Narcissistic Supply. Unless they are down on their Source of Narcissistic Supply. In such a case they will gladly “use” anyone. Heck when they find a way better Source of Supply, they can unceremoniously dump you. For now they open their bag of tricks and start with the Love Bombing.

Are you still glad the Narcissist told you that they see you as their “Soul Mate” or that you both are “Kindred Spirits“?

Google’s Search Engine is your friend. Do some searches for “Support for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse” and variations of that. You will find many Yahoo Groups, websites and Facebook Groups filled with individuals who in their past, had been used and abused by one or more Narcissists. Visit those groups and ask the prior victims whether they still feel that the Narcissist was ever their “Soul Mate“.

When someone whom you barely know (it could be a co-worker or someone that you met in a bar) starts talking about you and them being “Soul Mates” or being “Kindred Spirits“, take a deep breath. Such talk could very well be an indication that you are dealing with a personality disordered individual.

Been there and heard that. If the nonsense talk of “Soul Mates or Kindred Spirits” comes up, I remain polite. If it happens on a first date, I still try to have a fun evening. When I take my date home, I decline her offer to come in for a night cap drink. A night cap invite, is really an invite to spend the night,

Yes, becoming intimate with pretty much a stranger can be enjoyable. It could also emotionally trap you in the land of regrets. If someone is that easy and eager to get into bed with you, then they could be just as easy and eager to get into bed with someone else (or anyone else for that matter). Of course your mileage may differ. On my way home, I make a mental note to have as little as possible to do with that person again.

Have I ever considered that the “Soul Mates” “Kindred Spirits” nonsense was the real deal? Look, when you barely know someone, they do not know you. The only thing that they have any knowledge of, is how you look physically. But it is what is inside that counts. They have “not” spent enough time with you, to discover “you”. In my opinion, they are only feeding you a line to hook you. I step back and ask myself why would someone do that?

Click on this line to view our prior post which features an animated video of a female Narcissist using the Love Bombing technique with the “Soul Mate” hook.

 

Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Commons License with attribution to “Uniquely Narcissistic”

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

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When I look at you I see my Soul Mate. I feel that we are Kindred Spirits

A Narcissist looks deeply into your eyes and softly says that when they look at you they see their “Soul Mate“. Your heart rate increases. Your face starts to flush. Your Fight or Flight response shuts down. You become enamored. Your judgements becomes clouded. You believe the Narcissist and feel oh so wonderful having found “Your Soul Mate“.

A variant of the above is having the Narcissist take you aside (they would not want other potential Targets to hear) to inform you that they feel that the both of you are “Kindred Spirits“.

Not so fast. Heck you hardly know each other. It could be a Red Flag called Love Bombing, which is a tactic commonly used by Cluster-B Disordered individuals such as Narcissists.

Generally you get such “Bullshit” lines when the Narcissist wants something, which they believe that they can con you into “giving to them”.

It could be something physical, like maybe providing a roof over their head when they move into your “Home”. Narcissists are rather good at planning ahead, “for themselves”.

It could be that you are wealthy and the Narcissist feels that it would only be proper if a “Soul Mate” shared their wealth with another “Soul Mate”.

It could be that you are rather Handsome or Beautiful. The Narcissist would feel so proud parading you around on their arm. The Trophy Wife syndrome.

Maybe you are extremely popular and or famous. In such a case the Narcissist will happily tag along to all those special events that you get invited to. That helps to keep their fragile Ego well inflated.

It could be that they are having a bad month. Their last source of Narcissistic Supply finally got fed up and went No Contact. The Narcissist needs Narcissistic Supply, not unlike a Drug Addict needing their fix.

You may not be rich or beautiful or famous. You’re just a normal average human being, who has an internal desire to be find someone to love and to be loved back. As such, to the narcissist you are nothing special.

A Cerebral Narcissist, for example, would not give you a second thought because to them you just are not good enough and so unworthy of becoming their Source of Narcissistic Supply. Unless they are down on their Source of Narcissistic Supply. In such a case they will gladly “use” anyone. Heck when they find a way better Source of Supply, they can unceremoniously dump you. For now they open their bag of tricks and start with the Love Bombing.

Are you still glad the Narcissist told you that they see you as their “Soul Mate” or that you both are “Kindred Spirits“?

Google’s Search Engine is your friend. Do some searches for “Support for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse” and variations of that. You will find many Yahoo Groups, websites and Facebook Groups filled with individuals who in their past, had been used and abused by one or more Narcissists. Visit those groups and ask the prior victims whether they still feel that the Narcissist was ever their “Soul Mate“.

When someone whom you barely know (it could be a co-worker or someone that you met in a bar) starts talking about you and them being “Soul Mates” or being “Kindred Spirits“, take a deep breath. Such talk could very well be an indication that you are dealing with a personality disordered individual.

Been there and heard that. If the nonsense talk of “Soul Mates or Kindred Spirits” comes up, I remain polite. If it happens on a first date, I still try to have a fun evening. When I take my date home, I decline her offer to come in for a night cap drink. A night cap invite, is really an invite to spend the night,

Yes, becoming intimate with pretty much a stranger can be enjoyable. It could also emotionally trap you in the land of regrets. If someone is that easy and eager to get into bed with you, then they could be just as easy and eager to get into bed with someone else (or anyone else for that matter). Of course your mileage may differ. On my way home, I make a mental note to have as little as possible to do with that person again.

Have I ever considered that the “Soul Mates” “Kindred Spirits” nonsense was the real deal? Look, when you barely know someone, they do not know you. The only thing that they have any knowledge of, is how you look physically. But it is what is inside that counts. They have “not” spent enough time with you, to discover “you”. In my opinion, they are only feeding you a line to hook you. I step back and ask myself why would someone do that?

Click on this line to view our prior post which features an animated video of a female Narcissist using the Love Bombing technique with the “Soul Mate” hook.

 

Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Commons License with attribution to “Uniquely Narcissistic”

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

A Narcissist looks for, finds and then targets you. It’s not by accident that they came into your life.

Quote "A Narcissist is not just something that you find. A Narcissist looks for, finds and then targets you. It's not by accident that they came into your life." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote “A Narcissist is not just something that you find. A Narcissist looks for, finds and then targets you. It’s not by accident that they came into your life.”

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

 

Save