Category: Narcissistic Parenting

Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”. Quote by Franz Kafka

Quote "Dear Narcissist, this feeling of being nothing that often dominate me...comes largely from your influence." by Franz Kafka

Quote:Dear Narcissist, “this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me… comes largely from your influence.”.” Quote by Franz Kafka from his “Letter to his Father”.

 

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Losing Life’s Birth Lottery, What their life “Could Have Been”, will “Never Ever Be”.

Quote "New Born Baby loses Life’s Birth Lottery, ending up with an abusive Parent or Parents, they also lose their Future Potential. What their life “Could Have Been”, will “Never Ever Be”. " by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

QuoteWhen a New Born Baby loses Life’s Birth Lottery, ending up with an abusive Parent or Parents, they also lose their Future Potential. What their life “Could Have Been”, will “Never Ever Be”.“.

 

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Parentification and Narcissistic Parenting can lead to Complex PTSD in the Adult child

“A very subtle way to create damage in children is to turn the chosen scapegoat child into a parent.

This process is called Parentification, not to be confused with parenting. In Parentification the parent gives up what they are supposed to do as a parent and transfers that responsibility to the scapegoat child. Hence the scapegoat child becomes parentified.”

Video is courtesy of the Light of Knowledge YouTube channel

Home Coming series by John Bradshaw as broadcast on PBS. Part 1: The Problem of the Wonderful Inner Child.

If you grew up with an Abusive Parent and in a Dysfunctional Household, there is a high probability that you may have a wounded child inside of you. An adult can escape from an abusive relationship, but a child never has that option.

John Bradshaw’s Home Coming was a series which was broadcast by Public Broadcasting in the US. This video is the first of many in the series.

If you are an adult who grew up in a Dysfunctional Household and are trying to understand what the hell happened to your childhood, might I suggest looking into finding a licensed therapist to help in your healing. You might be trying to deal with symptoms of Complex PTSD on your own and it is far from easy.

The Home Coming series and other videos and books from John Bradshaw might help you make some sense of what your parent(S) put you though.

I’m posting this because a visitor to this blog left me a comment about their situation. Hope that this post might be of help (John Bradshaw’s Home Coming video series is old, but it is filled with great info).

John Bradshaw – a few excerpts from Home Coming – Part 1:
The Problem of the Wonderful Inner Child

Video is courtesy of the John Bradshaw YouTube channel

Click on this link to visit the official John Bradshaw website.

Click on this link to visit amazon.com to view the books and videos by John Bradshaw.

Narcissistic Parent(s) – A Daughter’s Story

Mind boggling emotional abuse of their daughter, by a Narcissistic Mother.

No wonder there is a connection between Narcissistic Parenting and their kids choosing Suicide.

Video is courtesy of the Narc Awareness YouTube channel

I was on my way to becoming a Narcissist. Daughter of a Narcissist Mother, shares her story of growing up.

Astoundingly “open” presentation of how Narcissistic Parenting destroys the Child’s sense of self worth and causes long term emotional damage. The Narcissist’s Gift which keeps on giving. 

I’m glad that this Lady had the strength to share her story. Emotionally painful to hear what this Daughter of a Narcissist Mother went through, yet full of insights.

Video is courtesy of the Escape from Narcissism YouTube channel

Always have Safe Sex with a Narcissist. Why? Would you want your kids to have a Narcissist as a parent?

Quote "Always have Safe Sex with a Narcissist. Why? Would you want your kids to have a Narcissist as a parent?" by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

QUOTE:Always have Safe Sex with a Narcissist. Why? Would you want your kids to have a Narcissist as a parent?

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
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Narcissistic Mothers and the profound impact on their children.

Narcissistic Mothers and the profound impact on their children.

Narcissistic parents are so focused on themselves and having their needs met. Such parents lack the empathy to see or meet the emotional needs of their children. The children of Narcissistic Mothers only feel valued when they are helping to meet the needs of the Narcissistic Parent.

Such Children carry their training into adulthood. Any sense of value of themselves, comes from pleasing others, while ignoring their own emotional needs. They may also have difficulty in trusting others, because as a child they learned that they could never trust their Narcissistic Parent

This video is an interview with author Tina Fuller who grew up with a Narcissistic Mother. I had previously posted an interview with Tina Fuller created by Dr. Daniel Sidigh. The problem with that prior audio interview, was that it was more like Dr. Sidigh was interviewing himself. This interview by Dr. Kimberly Taylor is so much better. Dr Taylor allows Tina Fuller to speak of her experience, in lots of detail.

Video is courtesy of the Dr. Kimberley Taylor YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit the amazon.com to learn about Tina Fuller’s book titled “It’s My Turn”.

Click on this link to visit Tina Fuller’s Blog called Narcissistic Parents Help – Questions Answered.

Click on this link to visit Dr. Kimberly Taylor’s website.

Growing up as a Child of a Narcissist Parent

BlogTalkRadio.com interview with Tina Fuller by Dr. Daniel Sidigh discussing being a Child of a Narcissist. Sadly, Narcissists do end up being parents.

http://percolate.blogtalkradio.com/offsiteplayer?hostId=215729&episodeId=4443935Video is courtesy of Dr Daniel Sadigh on www.blogtalkradio.com

If the embed code does not start the audio player, then just click on this line.

Click on this Link to visit Tina Fuller’s website called Narcissism Answers.

Click on this link to visit Tina Fuller’s Blog called Narcissistic Parents Help – Questions Answered.

Do you attract Narcissists ?

If you have been in a relationship with one Narcissist, I believe that you will continue to attract Narcissists into your life. Christine De Canonville made a statement during one of her seminars, that Narcissists will prime you psychologically and other Narcissists will be able to pick you out of a crowd. Click on this Link to read our prior post with a link to Christine’s Seminar video.

Narcissists sadly become parents. Children of one or more Narcissistic Parents learn survival skills. They learn how to please their Narcissistic Parent. Do something enough times and becomes a habit. For example you can get into your car and drive without giving it much thought. The first time that you got into a car to learn to drive was a much different. experience.

Pleasing a Narcissistic Parent is a survival skill and becomes an automatic process used by your unconscious mind. Narcissists, in my opinion, can pickup on that. They know that you will be a compliant target. Narcissists do not want a very self confident target. It’s easy to test. Just push at a boundary and see if the target accepts overstepping a boundary and actually shifts it to accommodate. Or if the target pushes back and will not shift the boundary. That one simple reaction can provide a Disordered Individual with lots of insight into a potential target.

To stop Narcissistic Individuals from playing a part in one’s life, one has to first recognize them. How? Back to basics. Straight forward 3 steps.:

1. Learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowledge is power. The internet is filled with knowledge and the Google Search Engine is your friend, to help you find it. Spend lots of time learning. I’m talking about spending “months”, learning more each day.

2. Learn the Red Flags which Narcissists will always display.

3. Watch for Red Flags.

When you are with someone new and you start seeing multiple Red Flags being displayed, then step back and ask yourself if this new person could be afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Watch for more Red Flags. If more Red Flags show up, then it could be time to make a decision whether this person is the type of individual that you want in your life. Of course the Love Bombing and Mirroring. Psychological Manipulation Techniques, would have been used extensively by then.

If you spotted the Love Bombing and you spotted the Mirroring, then ask yourself why would this person be using major Psychological Manipulation Techniques against you. 

Those 3 steps could help to better identify the new person that you are interacting with. I believe that it is important to know who or what one is dealing with. Your new knowledge about Narcissists could equip you to make an informed decision, whether to continue seeing a potentially disordered individual. It could help you to see what is behind their mask.

Now your use of survival skills learned as a child is something which you might want to discuss with a Licensed Therapist. I do not mean to be hurtful, but it is “you” who is attracting Narcissists into your life. Click on this link to view our prior post which has a number of links to help you find a Licensed Therapist in your area.

For more insights, click on this Link to visit the Psychology Today website to read their article titled “The Relationship Between Sensitive People and Narcissists“.

“Letter to his Father” written by Franz Kafka, details abuse by a Narcissistic Father.

Sigmund Freud released his essay “on Narcissism” in 1914.

Click on this line to view Freud’s Concept of Narcissism* by Sergio Benvenuto.

A few years after Freud released his essay, Franz Kafka wrote his Letter to his abusive narcissistic Father in 1919. The letter was given to his mother, who refused to pass it on to his father and returned it Franz.

De Kafka Brief an den Vater 001Franz Kafka [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia Commons has Jpeg photo files of all 104 pages of Kafka’s original letter draft. Click on this line to visit the Wikimedia Commons page to view their files. Note the letter was originally written in German.

The following are only some of the heart wrenching quotes from Kafka’s Letter to his Father:

“It is also true that you hardly ever really gave me a beating. But the shouting, the way your face got red, the hasty undoing of the suspenders and laying them ready over the back of the chair, all that was almost worse for me. It is as if someone is going to be hanged. If he really is hanged, then he is dead and it is all over. But if he has to go through all the preliminaries to being hanged and he learns of his reprieve only when the noose is dangling before his face, he may suffer from it all his life.

“Besides, from the many occasions on which I had, according to your clearly expressed opinion, deserved a beating but was let off at the last moment by your grace, I again accumulated only a huge sense of guilt. On every side I was to blame, I was in your debt.”

“You have always reproached me (either alone or in front of others, since you have no feeling for the humiliation of the latter, and your children’s affairs were always public)”

“There is only one episode in the early years of which I have a direct memory. You may remember it, too. One night I kept on whimpering for water, not, I am certain, because I was thirsty, but probably partly to be annoying, partly to amuse myself. After several vigorous threats had failed to have any effect, you took me out of bed, carried me out onto the pavlatche,* and left me there alone for a while in my nightshirt, outside the shut door. I am not going to say that this was wrong—perhaps there was really no other way of getting peace and quiet that night—but I mention it as typical of your methods of bringing up a child and their effect on me. I dare say I was quite obedient afterward at that period, but it did me inner harm. What was for me a matter of course, that senseless asking for water, and then the extraordinary terror of being carried outside were Two things that I, my nature being what it was, could never properly connect with each other. Even years afterward I suffered from the tormenting fancy that the huge man, my father, the ultimate authority, would come almost for no reason at all and take me out of bed in the night and carry me out onto the pavlatche, and that consequently I meant absolutely nothing as far as he was concerned. *Pavlatche is the Czech word for the long balcony in the inner courtyard of old houses in Prague. (Ed.)”

“That was only a small beginning, but this feeling of being nothing that often dominates me (a feeling that is in another respect, admittedly, also a noble and fruitful one) comes largely from your influence.”

“And it is characteristic that even today you really only encourage me in anything when you yourself are involved in it, when what is at stake is your own sense of self-importance

“What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments. “

You reinforced abusiveness with threats and this applied to me too. How terrible for me was, for instance, that “I’ll tear you apart like a fish,” although I knew, of course, that nothing worse was to follow (admittedly, as a little child I didn’t know that)”

I am of the opinion that it would be time well spent reading Kafka’s entire letter. It may shock you. It may also bring a tear to your eye. If you find that you can personally relate to the abuse which Kafka described, my heart goes out you. No child (or adult for that matter) deserves such treatment.

The pain and suffering is internalized by the child. When the child internalizes the repeated Traumas, it results in pain and suffering well into adulthood (possibly life long).

A full English translation is available online thanks to Google Docs. Click on this line to visit the Google Docs page which displays the English translation of Franz Kafka’ Letter to his Father.

Click on this line to visit the The Kafka Project site, which has an interesting review of Kafka’s Letter to his Father.

May I also make a suggestion. It should not be taken as my giving any sort of medical advice. Speak to your own Therapist or Physician or other Medical Professional about whether it might be an “educational idea” for you to write your own letter to your past (or still present) abusive Narcissist. Again, doing so would be for your own personal and educational purposes. It is “my opinion” that any such  letter should be retained by you and not given to anyone. Again speak to your own Medical Professional about how to proceed, should you and your Medical Professional decide to go ahead with such a letter.

Video courtesy of The School of Life YouTube channel

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What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.

Quote "What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments." by Franz Kafka

Quote “What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.” by Franz Kafka from his 1919 Letter to his Father.

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Commons License with attribution to “Uniquely Narcissistic”

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Schema Therapy – Narcissism

A Narcissist in a Schema Therapy session reenactment, reveals how his parents created him. A key incident is discussed, which explains why the Narcissist shut himself off from his emotions (detached self) when he was a child and now as an adult can’t relate to his wife’s feelings for example. He does not experience feelings. This reminds me of John Bradshaw’s videos about Healing the Inner Child.

One thought that I had after viewing this, is that the Narcissist’s Parents were clearly Narcissistic in their action of calling a babysitter to take their son to the Hospital, because they were in the middle of holding a party / celebration (ironically the party was supposed to be in honor of their young son). The implication is that Narcissists create Narcissists by way of their Narcissistic Nurturing and  Narcissistic Parenting methods which create Trauma in the young child resulting in a “wounded inner child” locked inside of the adult.

Quote from the text accompanying this video:

“The detached Sam (a combination of detached self-soother and self-aggrandizing) is identified as unable to comprehend or interact effectively with social relationships. The detached self is recognized as Sam’s perceived natural state, but that it was not always salient. Now the therapist has an inroad to the lonely child that is underneath the detached self-soother.

We recognize that in this video we did not take the client into a first-person imagery exercise intended to assist in vivid re-experiencing and restructuring of maladaptive schema formations. Doing it this way is a more powerful and effective manner. Due to the trauma often related to early maladaptive schema formation, the vivid re-experiencing exercises require other tools set in place such as prep-time, safe place imagery , and other safety mechanisms. The ‘milder’ interventions here could be used to ease clients into the practice, to reinforce vivid exercises used in the past, for less severe schemes, and validating hypotheses of Schema Modes.”

Schema Therapy – Narcissism Part 2 (Session 8)

Video is courtesy of the CloudSharePsy YouTube channel