Dr. Ramani Durvasula Ph.D, an Expert on Narcisissism, authored the book titled “Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship“.
Video courtesy of the LAHWF YouTube Channel
Dr. Ramani Durvasula repeatedly mentions that Narcissists are made. I fully agree. Due to trauma during their early years, a Narcissist’s brain becoming hard wired differently. Brian scans confirm this. Once the “damaged” child grows up, you cannot change the way that their brain works.
Therapy cannot “fix” Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Click on the following link to visit Oprah.com where there is a Quiz by Dr. Ramani Durvasula titled “Is Your Partner a Narcissist?”.
A really good video, which explains how you became attached to your Narcissist.
Video is courtesy of the Balance Psychologies YouTube channel
Rhonda Freeman, Ph.D. details the differences between Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Malignant Narcissism, and Psychopathy. There are great similarities and also major differences. It’s a spectrum of disorders.
Video is courtesy of the Rhonda Freeman, PhD YouTube channel
Click on this link to visit Rhonda Freeman’s facebook page called Neuroinstincts.
Dr. Elsa Ronningstam presents a very detailed lecture about the symptoms and Traits of those with Borderline Personality Disorder and those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She also discusses the difference between BPD and NPD.
Video is courtesy of the NEA BPD YouTube channel
This video has very good information and lots of it. Unfortunately the good Doctor is not that great a presenter. Might I suggest to break up viewing this video into 10 to 15 minute segments.
Dr. Kristi Webb discusses the Traits of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Video is courtesy of the Dr. Kristi Webb YouTube channel
Informative video, but the framing drives me nuts. She should redo it, as no one is interested in looking at her ceiling tiles while she talks.
Click on this Link to visit the Dr. Kristi Webb Facebook page.
Blake and his brother came from a wealthy family. His brother Cody went into Real Estate development, like his Dad. Two males from the same family, but with vastly different life choices. Wonder why?
Early in May 2016 Blake and his girlfriend Iana Kasian became parents. Later the same month, on May 20 Blake was charged with Sexual Assault (against another unknown female) and released on Bail.
A month or two before and after the birth of a baby all focus is on “the Baby“. News reports say that when Iana found out about the Sexual Assault charge, that she moved herself and her infant daughter out of Blake’s apartment to live with her mother.
Excellent video detailing the differences between Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Video is courtesy of the Self-Care Haven YouTube channel
There are many Red Flags given off by Narcissists. Love Bombing for one. Mirroring is a big one, which I tend to consistently harp on about.
There are a couple of key things which the Narcissist will not hide from you. One is in my opinion the “most important Red Flag“. Ask the potential Narcissist about their childhood. Were they brought up by their Birth Mother? If they were still an infant and they were adopted out or given to other family members (say Grand Parents) to be brought up, that is the “most important & biggest Red Flag“.
To better confirm that Red Flag, ask questions about the person’s Birth Mother? If there is any animosity or even outright hatred shown towards their Birth Mother, that is “yet another major Red Flag” which also confirms your perception of the biggest Red Flag.
It is my opinion that Narcissists are created due to Abandonment Trauma(s) suffered while still an infant, before the left hemisphere of the brain is developed. The Trauma(s) change how the Brain Develops – ie it’s a Hardware-Wiring issue and so Narcissists can not be changed via a treatment protocol. MRI Brain Scans seem to confirm “my opinion”.
Joseph Burgo, in a radio interview, alluded to the coincidence that many diagnosed Narcissists had been abandoned in their early childhood. They were adopted out. They were transferred to other family members (Grandparents) to be cared for.
All the Narcissists who I got to know, had issues with their Mother. Yes the issues varied between a coldness to outright disdain.
Sam Vaknin wrote something confirming this in a review of the book titled “The Abandoned Child Within: On Losing and Regaining Self-Worth “
Sam Vaknin wrote:
“Underneath this colourful maelstrom lies an hypothesis: pathological narcissism is the direct outcome of early childhood abuse and trauma, mainly in the form of abandonment or neglect. Narcissism, in other words, is a defense against hurt and emotional injury.”.
A female Somatic Narc had a pronounced dislike of her Mother. In stark contrast, she and her Dad were fine. Events in the past when one is an infant can have profound affects which can last a lifetime.
A Cerebral Narc would not speak to their Mother when she came in tears because her own Mother had just passed away. The Cerebral Narc’s Grandmother dies and the Narc could not be bothered to come and talk and try to comfort their own Mother. . Would a non Cluster-B Disordered Individual, who has Empathy for the suffering of others behave that way?.
Being brought up by other family members like Grand Parents can cause Abandonment Trauma. To the Grand Parents it’s a burden to “have to” feed, cloth and bring up their daughter’s infant child. They already brought up their own kids.
The distrust of the Birth Mother for being abandoned and sent off to live with strangers (yes they are Grand Parents and an adult understands that but an infant sees themselves being dumped off to some strangers) by the Narc can be life long.
Different people love very differently and sadly some not at all. That description includes Grand Parents. The infant had already lost life’s lottery by being born to a Mother who abandoned them and sent them away to live in another place. Good chance that the Grand Parents were not the kindest and most loving of individuals. So the infant losses again and possibly pays for such loss by developing a Personality Disorder which could prevent them from being able to establish and enjoy “Intimate and Loving” relationships.
Alice Miller has written a post on her site which ties a number of things together. Her post is titled: “The Ignorance or How we produce the Evil”. I’ll have some quotes below, from that Alice Miller post.
Alice Miller wrote :
“Children who are given love, respect, understanding, kindness, and warmth will naturally develop different characteristics from those who experience neglect, contempt, violence or abuse, and never have anyone they can turn to for kindness and affection. Such absence of trust and love is a common denominator in the formative years of all the dictators I have studied. The result is that these children will tend to glorify the violence inflicted upon them and later to take advantage of every possible opportunity to exercise such violence, possibly on a gigantic scale. Children learn by imitation. Their bodies do not learn what we try to instill in them by words but what they have experienced physically. Battered, injured children will learn to batter and injure others; sheltered, respected children will learn to respect and protect those weaker than themselves. Children have nothing else to go on but their own experiences.”
As Alice Miler stated “Children have nothing else to go on but their own experience”. If the infant child experienced Abandonment Trauma they they will not know how to Love someone. They will do to someone else, what had been done to to them. They will use them and abandon them.
Alice Miller also wrote :
“The well-known American pediatrician Dr. Brazelton once filmed a group of mothers holding and feeding their babies, each in her own particular way. More than 20 years later he repeated the experiment with the women those babies had grown into and who now had babies themselves. Astoundingly, they all held their babies in exactly the same way as they had been held by their mothers, although of course they had no conscious memories from those early years. One of the things Braselton proved with this experiment was that we are influenced in our behavior by our unconscious memories. And those memories can be life affirming and affectionate or traumatic and destructive.”
It is my opinion, that It is not the Narcissist’s fault for developing such a Personality Disorder. It is up to you whether you want to get involved, in any kind of a relationship, with a Personality Disordered individual.
So recapping the two biggest and in my opinion most important Red Flags of a Narcissist. If you learn that the person was not raised by their Birth Mother that is IMHO the most important and biggest of all the Red Flags. Major issues with their Birth Mother is another confirming major Red Flag.
The more Red Flags that you can spot, the higher the probability that you are interacting with a Personality Disordered Individual.
Watch for the Red Flags.
Quote “What was always incomprehensible to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict on me with your words and judgments.” by Franz Kafka from his 1919 Letter to his Father.
The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Commons License with attribution to “Uniquely Narcissistic”
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
Dr. Allan Schore discusses “Attachment trauma and the effects of neglect and abuse on the brain“.
The development of severe Psychopathologies occurs during right Brain development, during very early childhood. Attachment Trauma and Abandonment Trauma are all stored in the right hemisphere of the Brain, even before the left hemisphere starts to develop.
That is why Brain Scans of Narcissists, Borderlines and Psychopaths show differences from the general population. Because of Attachment Trauma and Abandonment Trauma, the brains of those with Severe Psychopathologies are unable to to wire themselves normally. It is not nature. It is nurture and the severe lack of nurture which plays a major role in creating those with severe Personality Disorders.
Video is courtesy of the PsychAlive YouTube channel
UPDATE Feb 16 2016 – Repaired all the links in this post. They now work again and take you to Christine’s site. Not sure what happened, but they do work now.
Posted to https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Disclaimer: Any Trademarks mentioned in this post are owned by the respective Trademark owner. Thanks go out to Christine Louis de Canonville for keeping us updated about her must attend workshops
This is an excellent run down by Cosmopolitan magazine, of Ten Traits of Narcissists.
Kira Peikoff, the author of that article, has done an excellent job. Her post is clear and to the point.
There is a link further down, so that you can read Kira Peikoff’s complete article on the Cosmo website.
From her list, Traits #1, #2 and #10 I fully agree with. Trait #10 is also not often spoken about.
1. Narcissists have zero tolerance for shame.
2. The fragile, insecure core of a narcissist has roots in childhood.
10. Narcissists are emotionally stuck at a toddler’s age.
From her list, Trait #9 I disagree with. Narcissists are hard wired. No amount of trying to motivate them to change will succeed. The only way that a Narcissist would change is if you suddenly became a high grade Source of Narcissistic Supply.
For example if you won a multi million dollar prize in a lottery. That would turn you into top high grade Source of Narcissistic Supply. A Narcissistic will look up to a such a High Grade Source of Supply and could change to keep such a Source of Supply. That is until the Narcissistic has found an even Higher Grade Source of Supply.
9. Narcissists may be motivated to change if there is a meaningful consequence to their bad behavior.
Click on this line to be taken to the Cosmopolitan magazine Website to read article by Kira Peikoff.
The above quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Commons License with attribution to Uniquely Narcissistic
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
This is an extremely important video, featuring Sandra L. Brown, M.A., the founder of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education. It speaks of the total lack of knowledge of the Pathology of Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists.
People without a conscience, who have a total lack of Empathy for others, Negatively affect Millions of lives.
The Brains of Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists differ from the Brains of those who do not suffer from such disorders. They Have suffered major Attachment Trauma resulting in the right hemisphere of their Brain being unable to wire itself properly. This occurs very early in childhood, even before the left hemisphere of the brain has started to develop.
Since Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists cannot be helped (psychologically), the best approach is to educate the public of the Signs and Red Flags to look for. To educate people about who Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists literally “Target” and “Hunt for“.
Knowledge of the Signs and Red Flags can protect people from being Targeted, Used and Abused by Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists who suffer from such disorders.
Please watch this video and share it with friends and family.
In my posts here, I keep harping about Mirroring and to watch out for people Mirroring you. In this video Mirroring is mentioned starting at 23:30 and specifically at 25:50 and on.
Mirroring is a “very important” Red Flag.
PLEASE WATCH FOR IT.
Click on this line to visit Amazon.com to buy the award winning book titled “Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists” written by Sandra L. Brown.
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… Reblogged from a well crafted WordPress blog which I had stumbled upon. That blog is titled: “Chronicles of Imperfectly Perfect“.
This excellent post is a great example of what happens when one ends up in any kind of a relationship with a Narcissist. Sarah’s Mentor clearly suffered from a Narcissist Disorder. Sarah is the Heroine in that post
Never, ever point out that a Narcissist is wrong, especially when there are other people around. Never, ever say “No” to a Narcissist. Depending on the depth of the Narcissist’s psychopathic dysfunction, your life could be endangered by uttering that two letter word..
Sarah had to agree that a Tomato was a vegetable or else the Narcissist would proceed to destroy her. It matters not if their way is incorrect, it has to be the Narcissist’s way or else. Sadly, no one else matters to a Narcissist.
This post was written by a master wordsmith. It flows and draws the reader into the story.
One day I found myself ceaselessly and uncontrollably crying as I envisioned killing myself over and over again to force myself to believe as I repeated, “you are dead… BELIEVE IT, YOU ARE DEAD. YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE.” But my soul wouldn’t buy it, my mind wouldn’t accept it and even though my heart was broken but it was undefeated. I was crying because I was made to feel like, I have no choice, no say in the matter, no rights because I am a woman. I was shattered because I had to live and function according to the commands of those who decided that I was their possession and they my master. I belong to a culture where the horrors of patriarchy, dictatorship of seniors and handing over ones self-worth and dignity are celebrated as love, admiration and respect. While, taking ownership of one’s own life and asking…
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