Category: Red Flags of Narcissists

Dr. Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School, discusses Dangerous Narcissism

Dr. Craig Malkin is an Expert on Narcissism. He is also an Expert in the treatment of Trauma and PTSD. He lectures at Harvard Meedical School.
In this video Dr. Craig Malkin discusses the Major Red Flags to watch for. He uses the term Dangerous Narcissism which helps to calrify the Narcissism Spectrum Scale
of Narcissistic Traits displayed by individuals.

Video is ourtesy of the Dr. Craig Malkin YouTube channel
Narcissism occurs on a scale. You could have a really nice caring inidividual displaying a Narcissist trait once in a while. That is not abnormal Narcissism.
The range then goes to the other end ene dof the scale, where you find Dangerous Malignant Narcissists and in my opion just a bit further down you find Psychopaths.
As you go down the scale towards Malignant Naracissim you find that the Narcissist is in a state of denial that they are doing anything wrong. They will justify ongoing verbal, emotional and physical abuse and put the blame squarely on the Victim. The Denial of wrong doing while abusing another Human Being is a major Red Flag and Danger Sign.

Video is ourtesy of the Dr. Craig Malkin YouTube channel
Another comon Red Falsg is that the Danergous Narcisist will try to isolate the Victim from friends and  family. By removing outside support, the Narcisist hopes to gain total control over the Victim. They can convince their Victim to move to a difffetrent city or a different country where the Vistim will not know anyone and will not know where to seek out help.
As one woman was was doused with gasoline and then lit on fire had stated from her Hospital Bed “Verbal Abuse is the beinnning of further Physical Abuse”. The Narcissist stood and watched that lady burn and did nothing to help her. I court he stated that it was just an accident and that he was not to blame.
In a relationship, if you have become isolated from Friends and Family and have started to bear the brunt of Verbal and Emotional Abuse, please seek help. Visit the Police. Visit the local Hospital. Visit your local library as they will have free Internet access and where you can use Gioogle Search to find out who to call for help. I suggest using the free Libray computers as the Dangerous Narcissist could have added a Keylogger on the home computers to see what your are doing online.
The denial by the Dangerous Narcissist that they are doing anything wrong is a Major Red Flag. Malignanat Dangerous Narcisism is also not that far on ths scale from Psychopaths. Dangeroous Narcissist can display traits of Psychopathy. If this is being seen in a realtionship then the Victim needs to to seek out Help and Support and NOT tell the Dangerous Narcissist they are are seeking Help and Support. If the Narcissist finds out, then they can flip into a Narcissist Rage and cause major physical damage to the Victim. Please be extremely careful until you are out of harms way.
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Chatting with Dr. Ramani Durvasula Ph.D, an Expert on Narcisissism


Dr. Ramani Durvasula Ph.D, an Expert on Narcisissism, authored the book titled “Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship“.

Video courtesy of the LAHWF YouTube Channel

Dr. Ramani Durvasula repeatedly mentions that Narcissists are made. I fully agree. Due to trauma during their early years, a Narcissist’s brain becoming hard wired differently. Brian scans confirm this. Once the “damaged” child grows up, you cannot change the way that their brain works.

Therapy cannot “fix” Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Click on the following link to visit Oprah.com where there is a Quiz by Dr. Ramani Durvasula titled “Is Your Partner a Narcissist?”.

Woman was driven to suicide by her boyfriend. He was found guilty and jailed for four years for coercive behaviour and ‘gaslighting’ in landmark case.

Stephen Gane was found guilty and jailed for four years for coercive behaviour and ‘Gaslighting‘ in landmark case. He drove Kellie Sutton to hang herself, only five month after beginning a relationship with her.

Kellie was a Mother of 3 children. She had been single for a couple of years before she was targeted by Stephen Gane.

Her grieving family read the following in court:Kellie was a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a great grand daughter and a mother. She was caring, funny, affectionate, bubbly and kind. She was a loyal friend – the kind of person who would go out of their way to help others. She could not bear to see anyone suffering and would put herself out to help anyone. She didn’t have a bad bone in her body.

From this we can see that Kellie was an Empath. Disordered Individuals can spot an Empath from a mile away. Within weeks of meeting her Steven moved into “her house”.

Kellie’s friend had this to say I told her to stay away from him because he seemed controlling.”. She disliked Stephen and you can be sure Stephen made sure that Kellie was kept away from her friends.

Stephen Gane denied hurting Kellie.  He said they loved each other but their relationship was sometimes ‘volatile’. Disordered Individuals will never admit to doing anything wrong.

He was found guilty of actual bodily harm and one charge of assault by beating. One must assume that splitting her head open, was his way of showing his Love and Affection.

Judge Philip Grey told Stephen Gane: “Kellie was a much loved young woman who had the great misfortune of meeting you.”

“You treated her as a meal ticket. You beat her and ground her down and broke her spirit.”

You’ve shown no evidence of sadness or regret and your behaviour clearly drove Kellie to hang herself that morning.”

Disordered Individual will target someone (like you) to “USE” you. Note that Stephen Mane showed “No evidence of sadness or regret. Disordered Individual could care less about others. They do not care how much pain and sorrow they create for others, as long they get what they WANT.

There are MILLIONS of Disordered Individuals, like Staphen Gane, out there. Please watch for the Red Flags. Please listen to your friends, who may spot odd behaviour which signal danger to them.

The only positive thing which will come from the death of this young woman is that she gave her life to spare her children untold horrors which were waiting for them. Imagine having someone like Stephen Gane being the father figure to her three kids? He would have destroyed those kids. Over the 5 months that he lived in Kellie’s house, I’m sure that her kids were tramatized. I hope that they can receive Psychiatric help to help get over the loss of their Mother and over the Traumas caused by Stephen Gane.

The most horrible thought is that he will get out of jail and will seek a new victim. Disordered Individuals cannot be fixed. Their brains are hard wired differently.

A relationship to a Disordered Individual, such as a Narcissist, is all about them gaining Control over their Target.

You will note one Major Red Flag and Danger Sign mentioned in this video. The Target/Victim became ISOLATED from Friends and Family. A Disordered Individual will work to isolate the Target. That allows greater control of the Target. As you become more and more Isolated, you will become much more vulnerable. Kellie Sutton became isolated and her only option to escape was Suicide.

Click on this link to read the Daily Mail article titled “Mother’s heartbreak after daughter was driven to suicide by her former soldier boyfriend as he is jailed for four years for coercive behaviour and ‘gaslighting’ in landmark case“.

Click on this link to visit the Hertfordshire Police website to read their post titled: “Man who physically and mentally abused his girlfriend is jailed.”

Click on this link to visit The Sun website and read their article titled:” ‘HE IS PURE EVIL’ Mother’s anguish over daughter who was driven to suicide by her boyfriend

Judy Malinowski was set on fire by ex-boyfriend

I Never knew that a Human Being could be so evil“. He had doused her with gasoline and set her on fire. Then he stood there and did nothing.

 

Judy Malinowski left a message for others: “Verbal abuse is the start of physical abuse“.

 

Take a good look at Judy, in the video below. Just think, it could be you in that Hospital Bed fighting for your life. Watch for any Red Flags. Going NO Contact may protect you. There are Disordered individuals out there, who will set you on fire and stand there and just watch you suffer and burn. Such persons have no Empathy for the pain and suffering of others. Is that the type of person one would want to have a relationship with?

 

Video is courtesy of the NBC4 WCMH-TV Columbus YouTube Channel

 

PLEASE be CAREFUL,
who you let into your life
.

Watch for the Red Flags
of Disordered Individuals.

Warning Signs and Red Flags that he is a Narcissist

Derrick Jaxn describes the Warning Signs and Red Flags which you will encounter, when in a relationship with a Narcissist. Always watch for such Red Flags.

If the Warning Signs are persisistent, you may want to seriously consider Going No Contact. Staying with a Narcissist will allow the Narcissist to continue to attack and destroy YOU and if given the opportunity, they will.

Video is courtesy of the Derrick Jaxn YouTube channel

Why you fell in Love with a Narcissist

A really good video, which explains how you became attached to your Narcissist.


Video is courtesy of the Balance Psychologies YouTube channel

The results of the Rat Park Experiment, could apply to Victims of Relationship Abuse

Updated yet again on Apr 28 2017.

 

Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding) is said to keep those being abused, in the abusive relationship. They cannot leave their abuser.

I am posting this because I believe there is something to learn from the Rat Cage / Rat Park experiments.

I believe that victims of relationship abuse are stuck in the equivalent of an empty Rat Cage. They feel alone and not connected to anyone who cares about them. They may have been isolated from Family and Friends by physically moving to a different city. Abusers instinctively seem to know that if they can isolate someone, then they can control them and physically or mentally abuse them without outside interference. Again without a support structure, the victim is alone as in the isolated Rat Cage.

The drug in this scenario is the Abuser. Just as Rats isolated in a Rat Cage became addicted, so do the Abuse Victims. If the Victim does leave, then they could suffer from PTSD or worse. They will constantly think about the Abuser and often return to their Abuser, even after horrific physical abuse. In my opinion, this is highly similar to addiction.

Further proof of this concept comes from the same Rat Cage / Rat Park experiment. When the isolated and heavily addicted rats are moved out of an isolated environment into a Rat Park with lots of other rats and lots of stimulating things to do and play with, they lose their addiction.

Going further, Victims of abuse need to move into a Rat Park environment. They need to be among people who care. Friends and family who will morally support them. They need to also have fun. Being abused is “NOT FUN”. I suspect that once the victim is moved into a Rat Park type environment, then their addiction to the abuser could dissipate without symptoms of PTSD etc.

That brings up the lack of such a Rat Park environment for Abuse Victims. They should be surrounded by people who care, people who will try to help them. People who will talk to them. One common theme from Victims going thru forms of Therapy is that they cry their eyes out during the therapy sessions. They have no one to talk to. They feel that no one cares. Like the Rats in the isolated Rat cage. The Rats become addicted to the point of destroying themselves. Victims become addicted to their Abuser. For many victims this addiction destroys them. In my opinion, the Rat Park experiment shows the need to create a Human equivalent of a Rat Park for Victims of Abuse, so that victims can end their “Addiction” to their Abuser.

We have Women’s Shelters filled with women seeking help but percentage wise rather few “Helpers”. We have Therapy, which costs money that the abuse Victim may not have. No money, equals No Help. We have Public Housing, but with long waiting lists. We have legal aid for people convicted of a crime, but Victims of Relationship Abuse may not “qualify”. Society has a disorienting and disconnected patchwork of supposed help and so Victims cannot get away. It may not just be Trauma Bonding which is holding them back. As a society, we do not have an all inclusive support system,  like a Rat Park human equivalent environment,  to help Abuse Victims if they want to leave their Abuser, Heal and Recover. So they remain “stuck” in Abusive Relationships.

I have received email comments suggesting that it may be the Victim’s lack of confidence to express their feeling that could be at fault. A Victim’s typical inability to establish and enforce clear boundaries is in my opinion, a Learned Survival Mechanism. During early childhood, we learn how to survive in our home environment. Some kids are lucky and are born into loving and caring families. Other kids are not so lucky and have to adapt and learn behaviors to survive. That applies to Disordered Individuals also. One’s early childhood helps to form the future Adult. The work of the late Alice Miller readily comes to mind. I have referred to Abysmal Parenting or the lack of Parenting as being the primary cause of adult dysfunction. Many a Narcissist was not raised by their Birth Mother for example. On the other hand, when a Victim is physically being beaten Black and Blue, IMHO clearly the Abuser is at fault and “not” the Victim.

Video is courtesy of the Alice Miller YouTube channel

There was a video posted here of an English couple. The Husband gave his wife a couple of black eyes one night. The Police showed up and his attitude was as if nothing wrong happened. He called out to his wife and asked if she wanted to speak to the Police. Thankfully the Police had body video recorders running.

I have a friend who was isolated to a different country by a very Disordered Individual. Once isolated, the abuse became physical. One time she was beaten so badly that she ended up being hospitalized for months.  It was not her inability to speak up for herself that is to blame. If you start to speak up for yourself to a very disordered individual, you could very well be beaten Black and Blue. IMHO the Abuser is at fault and they are totally responsible for their behavior. View the video in the link shown above. Getting two black eyes was not the Victim’s fault.

I believe that when one learns about the Red Flags and if one starts to see multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis then one is able to get a better idea of who one is interacting with. It has nothing to do with putting labels on people before they do anything wrong. If one does not take heed of those Red Flags and falls prey to an Abuser, then it’s too late. Yes, people are out there who abuse other people. Yes, there are people with Codependent Traits and lots of Empathy, who seem to be attracted to those who abuse. Those who will abuse others also seem to be rather attracted to those who have lots of Empathy and Codependent traits. People call someone an Abuser after they have abused someone. It is not a matter of innocent until proven guilty. They get called that label because they have abused their victim. All abuse is bad, but some abuse is horrific.

I’m posting this for everyone to think about it. The videos below give more details about Dr. Bruce Alexander and his Rat Park experiment. BTW that Rat Park experiment has been repeated many times, with the same results. So it has been scientifically proven.

Video is courtesy of the MinuteVideos YouTUbe channel

Video is courtesy of the Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell YouTube channel

Video is courtesy of The Agenda with Steve Paikin YouTube channel

Narcissist Red Flag: Early Warning Signs of the Narcissist Isolating you, their Target.

This is a seldom mentioned Red Flag. Narcissists could try to isolate their Target / Victim from friends and family.

When you are isolated, you can be very easily controlled and manipulated.

When you are isolated, there is a greater possibility of the Narcissist’s abuse escalating and becoming physical.

Video is courtesy of the From Surviving To Thriving!! YouTube channel

Attempts to isolate you can be Early Warning Signs. Watch for this Narcissist Red Flag.

How to treat someone who treats you badly

Ran across this post on the Experience Project site.

Click on this Link to visit the Experience Project to the read the post titled: “How To Treat A Guy That Treats You Bad.

See if you can pick up on some of the Narcissist’s Red Flags in that post. Things like Love Bombing, Blame Shifting and not taking responsibility for their actions (it’s always your fault).

Learn how to spot when someone is trying to Lie to you. By Susan Carnicero

Susan Carnicero had spent over 20 years performing interviews, interrogations and polygraph examinations, as a Security Specialist with the CIA.

She had also developed behavioral screening programs, that are used by the U.S. Federal Government.

Uniquely Narcissistic focuses on the Red Flags of Disordered Individuals.  One of the Red Flags and Traits of Narcissists (and also of Sociopaths and Psychopaths) is that they are Proficient Liars, because they get lots of practice.

Susan Carnicero’s discusses what to watch for, when someone is trying to Lie to you.

Video is courtesy of the Digiday YouTube channel

Susan Carnicero is also the author of  the book titled: “Get the Truth: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Persuade Anyone to Tell All.