Infant Attachment Trauma caused by the Birth Mother or by the infant being given away to be raised by someone other than the Birth Mother (Grandparents or adopted out) can result in a Cluster-B Disordered Individual such as a Narcissist.
Childhood Trauma (later form of Attachment Trauma) caused by one or both parents can result in a Codependent Individual. One or more of the parents could be Cluster-B Disordered.
I am of the opinion that said Individuals (Narcissist or Codependent) are created (not born – ie not genetic) because of variations of Attachment Trauma inflicted on them via Abysmal Parenting.
John Bradshaw’s work raised the awareness of the concept of the Injured Inner Child. I have spoken to people with high levels of Narcissistic Traits, about their childhood. It was like I was talking to a different individual. even their vocal characteristic changed. I have crossed paths with Narcissists and have paid the price. Yet I still feel sorry for them. In my opinion it is not their fault that they are the way they are. The same for folks with Codependent Traits.
Keeping this site going I have again come full circle back to Attachment Trauma. I was reminded of that today while researching the website of a San Francisco Bay area Complex PTSD Therapist. I have to get in touch with him, to see if I can share some of his material on this site.
Taking my theory further, a relationship between a Narcissist and a Codependent could result in further Trauma. The Codependent could develop PTSD (or Complex PTSD if the relationship had been a long term one). The Narcissist could also suffer Trauma in the form of Narcissist Injury (Abandonment Trauma), from the loss of their valued Source of Narcissistic Supply. In the extreme, the Narcissist could attempt Suicide because of that Trauma and injury (I have witnessed this with Somatic Narcissists). Both types of individuals were created due to Trauma and when combined into a relationship both end up creating more Trauma. The Codependent could also develop Trauma Bonding if the relationship becomes abusive, and cannot leave.
Narcissists are attracted to Codependents.
Codependents are attracted to Narcissists.
Maybe the Injured Inner Child (see Alice Miller’s book titled : “The Drama of The Gifted Child“ and John Bradshaw’s books and videos about the Inner Child) of each type of individual can somehow pickup on the injured Inner Child in the other type of individual. The Injured Inner Child could be the source of the attraction between Codependents and Narcissists.
The common theme in the above is Trauma. The destructive Domino cascade is initiated by Extremely Poor to non-existent Parenting. Another area where our Educational Systems have failed Society. How many of you reading this, have had courses which detailed Great Parenting?
The most important role that a Human can have is to become a Great Parent. Yet we get zero formal training. I have had to take many courses in say Accounting and Statistics which I will “never” use. I have had zero courses detailing how to be a Great Parent. Does this make sense to you???
I find the Leyla Loric’s Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel to have a unique way of explaining that which is complex in their videos.
In the video below she outlines, in an easy to understand manner, how Trauma Bonding happens.
Video is courtesy of the Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel
The repeating of the connection and disconnection. The Push followed by the Pull. Richard Bandler‘s NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) sheds some light on this. Love Bombing and Trauma Bonding both create major bonds between the Narcissist Abuser and his/her Victim. I’ll try to post something about that at a later date.
Briefly, I believe (your mileage may differ) Love Bombing and Trauma Bonding covertly put the Victim into a Deep Trance State.
It is a sign of Major Mind Control, when a women gets kicked down a flight of stairs, yet will not leave such an abusive relationship. Why? Because the women will tell you that they are still “in Love” with the abuser. Actually they mention the person they met at the start of the Love Bombing phase. The Fake Persona they were fed.
In my opinion, (your mileage may differ) victims of major physical abuse are not in Love with their Abuser. They have been repeatedly Anchored to go into a Deep Hypnotic Trance State, where they have been programmed to experience a huge rapport with the Abuser.
The black eyes and broken bones hurt far less than having to exit that Deep Hypnotic Trance State. Not unlike a heavy drug addiction to say Heroin. It is only when Victims leave such abusive relationships and those anchors and triggers are no longer fired off, that they can see the reality about their Abuser.
Complex Trauma: Understanding and Treatment
Video is courtesy of the FOCL Online YouTube channel
Quoting from the text which was posted with this video:
“Historically, when someone has experienced trauma that has a lasting impact, they have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In recent years those who work with trauma victims have advocated for an additional category: Complex Trauma. Therapeutic work with those who have experienced either multiple traumas or Repetitive and Chronic Trauma”
In the video the presenter speaks about the abuse of Children and suffering multiple traumas. That the same Multiple Trauma Stress, can also “injure” an adult. For example, the victim of Narcissist Abuse becomes “marinated” in the Repetitive and Chronic Trauma.
Between the Traumatic Events will be “reward” type of events. The victim is cycled between reward and Trauma/Punishment events. That sets the Victim up for Trauma Bonding to occur. The emotional injuries alter the victim.
When one leaves an abusive relationship, the injuries do not disappear. Nor does the Trauma Bond break. The victim’s day will be filled with thoughts of the Abusive Narcissist.
The Victim will wonder if maybe the Narcissist was right and it was their own fault. The Narcissist would never admit to being at fault, always shifting the blame back to the Victim. There is an old saying that “If you tell people a “Lie” often enough, it becomes the “truth”.
Flashbacks are common.The inability to shut off the Flight or Fight response when a situation is not harmful. In my opinion, Complex Trauma can develop in both children and adults who have experienced Multiple Trauma or Repetitive and Chronic Trauma. I believe that Trauma Bonding can also be found in adult victims of abuse who have developed Complex Trauma.