Special Thanks to Daylight out of Darkness for allowing us to quote the following:
“A narcissist has no empathy. A narcissist does not want to be emotionally attached to anyone, as that would make the narcissist feel vulnerable and average.
Sometimes the narcissist’s sexual partner is fooled into believing that the narcissist actually does care about them, that is for the fact that the narcissist might work hard during sex in order to ensure the maximum pleasure of this partner. The only reason the narcissist is doing this is to get narcissistic supply through being considered as a wonderful lover. Just another phony medal the narcissist can pin to his fake self unfortunately, and nothing else.
In making love, the narcissist does not want to emotionally join with you. you are an object to the narcissist and nothing more. you are a thing for the narcissist to masturbate with and absolutely nothing else.
The reason the narcissist is having sex with you is because they want you to ogle over their body. How perfect it is, and how they have mastered the techniques of love making, and for you to realize what a Casanova, or goddess the narcissist is.”
“Sex with a narcissist” video is courtesy of the Daylight out of Darkness YouTube channel
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Narcissists will form relationships with whomever they can. Just because they are in a “traditional” marriage, does not mean that they are strictly “heterosexual”.
Narcissistic Injury can also flip sexual preference. For example: A female Somatic Narcissist who gets rejected and dumped for a far better source of Narcissist Supply by her male Cerebral Narcissist lover, may go through an Abandonment Trauma event and suffer a major Narcissistic Injury, So she then seeks out sexual relationships with other women.
The only stability is from adamantly Lesbian or Gay Narcissists. Yes they can seek new partners, but will not look for a heterosexual type of relationship. It’s the “pretend” heterosexual Narcissists, who could swing either way.
That leads to a Sam Vaknin article titled “
Homosexual narcissists are auto-erotic and somatic: they leverage their body and sexuality to obtain narcissistic supply.
Transsexual narcissists feel entitled to special treatment and cosseting.
By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
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Sam Vaknin has given permission to share his article, as follows:
What is the typical profile of a homosexual narcissist? Why is he always on a lookout for new victims? Is he lying or is he telling the truth when he says that he “wants to get laid” by one and all? If he is not suicidal, is he not afraid of AIDS?
Research failed to find any substantive difference between the psychological make-up of a narcissist who happens to have homosexual preferences – and a heterosexual narcissist.
They both are predators, devouring Narcissistic Supply Sources as they go. Narcissists look for new victims, the way tigers look for prey – they are hungry. Hungry for adoration, admiration, acceptance, approval, and any other kind of attention. Old sources die easy – once taken for granted, the narcissistic element of conquest vanishes.
Conquest is important because it proves the superiority of the narcissist. The very act of subduing, subjugating, or acquiring the power to influence someone provides the narcissist with Narcissistic Supply. The newly conquered idolise the narcissist and serve as a trophies.
The act of conquering and subordinating is epitomized by the sexual encounter – an objective and atavistic interaction. Making love to someone means that the consenting partner finds the narcissist (or one or more of his traits, such as his intelligence, his physique, even his money) irresistible.
The distinction between passive and active sexual partners is mechanical, false, superfluous and superficial. Penetration does not make one of the parties “the stronger one”. To cause someone to have sex with you is a powerful stimulus – and always provokes a sensation of omnipotence. Whether one is physically passive or active – one is always psychosexually active.
Anyone who has unsafe sex is gambling with his life – though the odds are much smaller than public hysteria would have us believe. Reality does not matter, though – it is the perception of reality that matters. Getting this close to (perceived) danger is the equivalent of engaging in self-destruction (suicide). Narcissists are, at times, suicidal and are always self-destructive.
There is, however, one element, which might be unique to homosexuals: the fact that their self-definition hinges on their sexual identity. I know of no heterosexual who would use his sexual preferences to define himself almost fully. Homosexuality has been inflated to the level of a sub-culture, a separate psychology, or a myth. This is typical of persecuted minorities. However, it does have an influence on the individual. Preoccupation with body and sex makes most homosexual narcissists SOMATIC narcissists.
Moreover, the homosexual makes love to a person of the SAME sex – in a way, to his REFLECTION. In this respect, homosexual relations are highly narcissistic and autoerotic affairs.
This article appears in my book, “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited”
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The somatic narcissist directs his libido at his body (as opposed to the cerebral narcissist, who concentrates upon his intellect). He cultivates it, nourishes and nurtures it, is often an hypochondriac, dedicates an inordinate amount of time to its needs (real and imaginary). It is through his body that this type of narcissist tracks down and captures his Supply Sources.
The supply that the somatic narcissist so badly requires is derived from his form, his shape, his build, his profile, his beauty, his physical attractiveness, his health, his age. He downplays Narcissistic Supply directed at other traits. He uses sex to reaffirm his prowess, his attractiveness, or his youth. Love, to him, is synonymous with sex and he focuses his learning skills on the sexual act, the foreplay and the coital aftermath.
Seduction becomes addictive because it leads to a quick succession of Supply Sources. Naturally, boredom (a form of transmuted aggression) sets in once the going gets routine. Routine is counter-narcissistic by definition because it threatens the narcissist’s sense of uniqueness.
An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals.
Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissist who seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become his False Self) – and a transsexual who seeks to discard his true gender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, is questionable.
People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages and opportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex. This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintly narcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation, of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one’s self. It demonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiose sense of entitlement (“I deserve to be taken care of”) and omnipotence (“I can be whatever I want to be – despite nature/God”).
This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in some gender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal or surgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable right to receive it on demand and without any strictures or restrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergo psychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for the hormonal or surgical treatment.
It is interesting to note that both narcissism and gender dysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explained by problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or a common genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to say which. As yet, there isn’t even an agreed typology of gender identity disorders – let alone an in-depth comprehension of their sources.
A radical view, proffered by Ray Blanchard, seems to indicate that pathological narcissism is more likely to be found among non-core, ego-dystonic, autogynephilic transsexulas and among heterosexual transvestites. It is less manifest in core, ego-syntonic, homosexual transsexuals.
Autogynephilic transsexuals are subject to an intense urge to become the opposite sex and, thus, to be rendered the sexual object of their own desire. In other words, they are so sexually attracted to themselves that they wish to become both lovers in the romantic equation – the male and the female. It is the fulfilment of the ultimate narcissistic fantasy with the False Self as a fetish (“narcissistic fetish”).
Autogynephilic transsexuals start off as heterosexuals and end up as either bisexual or homosexual. By shifting his/her attentions to men, the male autogynephilic transsexual “proves” to himself that he has finally become a “true” and desirable woman.
Asexual – or Autosexual?
The label “asexual” has come to signify anyone who does not feel the need to engage in partnered sex. This is misleading. People who avoid having sex with others, but masturbate on a regular basis and as an exclusive sexual outlet are not asexual – they are autosexual.
All autosexuals are autoerotic, but only a minority of autoerotics are autosexual. Autoeroticism more frequently finds expression via activities such as same-sex partnerships (homosexuality) or incest (which is sex with the living expression of one’s own genetic makeup).
Narcissists are especially misogynistic.
If you are considered a Low Grade (Low Quality) Source of Narcissistic Supply, then any relationship with the Narcissist will likely be kept hidden from others (often a secret relationship). The Narcissist (especially a Cerebral Narcissist) does not want others to know that they had to stoop to a Low Grade (Low Quality) person.
If you are the opposite and are a High Grade (Quality) Source of Narcissistic Supply, expect the Narcissist to parade you around and show off the relationship to everyone and anyone. A High Grade Source of Narcissistic Supply will become a “Trophy” to the Narcissist.
Video is courtesy of the Overcoming Understanding YouTube channel
Sex and Intimacy to a Narcissist are “Mutually Exclusive”. A relationship is all about Control to a Narcissist.
This video is an intimate look back on a relationship with a Cerebral Narcissist. The presenter discusses her Cerebral Narcissist Husband as a textbook example.
She also details Narcissist’s issues with their “Mother”, which seem to be a common theme with Cerebral Narcissists.
Cerebral male narcissists tend to have moderate to severe ‘mother issues‘ where they have secretly-held or overtly-declared anger, disdain, and or generalized hurt originating from early childhood experiences from their mothers lack of attentive loving parenting. They tend to secretly dislike women.
You could feel the continued pain she still has, when she discussed her memory of being rejected sexually by her Husband.
Sex with a Cerebral Narcissist is controlled by the “Intimacy Factor”. Becoming “Intimate” with another person is something which Narcissists cannot do, especially Cerebral Narcissists (no Empathy for others, so Intimacy cannot be established). They much prefer viewing Porn and Masturbation, to having sex with a “real person”.
My addition to the last paragraph : If the person is providing a “High Grade/Quality” of Narcissistic Supply – ie someone who the Cerebral Narcissists looks up to, then the Narcissist will work hard at providing gratifying sex. Why? He will get a “High” from it, because “He was the super sex partner who “made possible” that great sex”. This will never happen to someone providing “Low Grade/Quality” of Narcissistic Supply. Please view a past post which provides more detail about this important aspect of a Sexual Experience with a Cerebral Narcissist: https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com/2016/01/25/sex-with-a-narcissist-is-all-about-how-the-narcissist-views-the-quality-of-the-source-of-narcissistic-supply
Video is courtesy of the Cluster B & Me YouTube channel
What you need to know why you never could satisfy a Narcissist sexually??
Ever wondered why you never looked good enough for your narcissist??
Ever wonder why your Narcissist blamed you, for not being turned on by you??
An interesting point is made in the video. Since Narcissists have no Empathy for others they cannot connect with another person on an emotional level. No Empathy translates into No Love. When you Love someone, Sex is not just a physical Act. Sex creates an emotional bond between lovers, but for Narcissists there is no emotional bond (except with themselves).
In another part of the video, she describe having sex while her Narcissistic partner never made any eye contact with her. The Narcissist kept looking up at the mirror on the ceiling and he maintained eye contact with “himself”.
The idea that Narcissists are bi-sexual is also mentioned. Having sex with someone of the same sex, is not unlike masturbating for the Narcissist. They see a reflection of their own body in their same sex partner. They will flip sexual orientation if rejected. Say if a male rejects a female Narcissist, then she could flip preference and work at acquiring a female source of Narcissistic Supply to have sex with.
To Narcissist there are two kinds of Sources of Narcissist Supply. They will feed off a Low Grade/Quality Source, when they can’t manage to trap a High Grade/Quality Source of Narcissistic Supply.
The Narcissist is the Standard used to judge the quality of their Source of Narcissistic Supply.
If the Supply Source is better Educated (this is major consideration with “Cerebral Narcissists“) then it is deemed to be a High Grade/Quality Source. If you make more money or have a higher job title, then again you are deemed to be a Good High Grade/Quality Source of Supply. If you are physically better looking, then again you are a High Grade/Quality Source of Supply.
Being classified as a High Grade/Quality Source of Narcissistic Supply guarantees really awesome sex. The Narcissist wants to impress such a sex partner. They will get a rush if they can sexually impress a High Grade/Quality Source of Narcissistic Supply. Narcissists always look up to people whom they consider to be a good High Grade/Quality Source of Supply.
On the opposite end of the stick is what Narcissists classify as a Bad or Poor, Low Grade/Quality Source of Narcissist Supply. This type or person will not be someone whom the Narcissist will ever look up to. Such a person will likely be far less educated (again a major big deal with Cerebral Narcissists) than the Narcissist. The person will earn far less money. They will have a much lower job title. This is the type of person that the Narcissist disdains. But since a High Grade/Quality Source of Supply is unavailable, they will feed off the Low Grade/Quality Source.
Since they do not look up to and actually have a disdain for such a Low Grade/Quality Source, the Sex will be far from satisfactory. To a Narcissist, Sex with a Low Grade/Quality Source of Supply is not much different than Masturbation.
To top things off the Narcissist will then complain to the Low Grade/Quality Source of Supply, that it was the Source’s fault for the lousy sex. It takes two to Tango, but the Narcissist could care less to Tango in this case. The Low Grade/Quality Source of Supply ends up with a lowered sense of self after such sex. Perfect for the Narcissist, because it makes the Low Grade Source of Supply easier to further manipulate.