“When you keep criticizing your kids, they don’t stop loving you, they stop loving themselves…”
When a Disordered Individual, like a Malignant Narcissist, had entered into your life and tried to damage and even destroy you, great emotional trauma could develop in your life. I believe that one should seek Medical help/counseling for the Trauma. In addition, I believe that being inspired by those who had overcome major life challenges may help. In that vein I’m posting this link to Sonnia Riccoti’s movie titled Unsinkable. Once you have gone No Contact with the life destroying Narcissist, you can try to rebuild your life and your state of mind. That is where this movie can be of inspiration…
This is a start. If someone had been charged with Domestic Violence in the past, then they will be barred from coming to Australia.
“Do you think he’ll mistreat me
the same way he’ s mistreated
every woman he dated before me?”
by: Nick Galifianakis
View this post on Instagram
But I’m different… . #allthesignsarethere #yes #toxicrelationships #pattern #abuse #selfesteem #women #park #healthyboundaries #datingadvice #trustyourinstincts #yourebetterthanthat #demandrespect #cartoon #humor #illustration #relationshipgoals #carolynhax #tellmeaboutit #relationshipadvice #galifianakis #nickgalifianakis
Link courtesy of the Nick Galifianakis Art page on Instagram
Updated yet again on Apr 28 2017.
Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding) is said to keep those being abused, in the abusive relationship. They cannot leave their abuser.
I am posting this because I believe there is something to learn from the Rat Cage / Rat Park experiments.
I believe that victims of relationship abuse are stuck in the equivalent of an empty Rat Cage. They feel alone and not connected to anyone who cares about them. They may have been isolated from Family and Friends by physically moving to a different city. Abusers instinctively seem to know that if they can isolate someone, then they can control them and physically or mentally abuse them without outside interference. Again without a support structure, the victim is alone as in the isolated Rat Cage.
The drug in this scenario is the Abuser. Just as Rats isolated in a Rat Cage became addicted, so do the Abuse Victims. If the Victim does leave, then they could suffer from PTSD or worse. They will constantly think about the Abuser and often return to their Abuser, even after horrific physical abuse. In my opinion, this is highly similar to addiction.
Further proof of this concept comes from the same Rat Cage / Rat Park experiment. When the isolated and heavily addicted rats are moved out of an isolated environment into a Rat Park with lots of other rats and lots of stimulating things to do and play with, they lose their addiction.
Going further, Victims of abuse need to move into a Rat Park environment. They need to be among people who care. Friends and family who will morally support them. They need to also have fun. Being abused is “NOT FUN”. I suspect that once the victim is moved into a Rat Park type environment, then their addiction to the abuser could dissipate without symptoms of PTSD etc.
That brings up the lack of such a Rat Park environment for Abuse Victims. They should be surrounded by people who care, people who will try to help them. People who will talk to them. One common theme from Victims going thru forms of Therapy is that they cry their eyes out during the therapy sessions. They have no one to talk to. They feel that no one cares. Like the Rats in the isolated Rat cage. The Rats become addicted to the point of destroying themselves. Victims become addicted to their Abuser. For many victims this addiction destroys them. In my opinion, the Rat Park experiment shows the need to create a Human equivalent of a Rat Park for Victims of Abuse, so that victims can end their “Addiction” to their Abuser.
We have Women’s Shelters filled with women seeking help but percentage wise rather few “Helpers”. We have Therapy, which costs money that the abuse Victim may not have. No money, equals No Help. We have Public Housing, but with long waiting lists. We have legal aid for people convicted of a crime, but Victims of Relationship Abuse may not “qualify”. Society has a disorienting and disconnected patchwork of supposed help and so Victims cannot get away. It may not just be Trauma Bonding which is holding them back. As a society, we do not have an all inclusive support system, like a Rat Park human equivalent environment, to help Abuse Victims if they want to leave their Abuser, Heal and Recover. So they remain “stuck” in Abusive Relationships.
I have received email comments suggesting that it may be the Victim’s lack of confidence to express their feeling that could be at fault. A Victim’s typical inability to establish and enforce clear boundaries is in my opinion, a Learned Survival Mechanism. During early childhood, we learn how to survive in our home environment. Some kids are lucky and are born into loving and caring families. Other kids are not so lucky and have to adapt and learn behaviors to survive. That applies to Disordered Individuals also. One’s early childhood helps to form the future Adult. The work of the late Alice Miller readily comes to mind. I have referred to Abysmal Parenting or the lack of Parenting as being the primary cause of adult dysfunction. Many a Narcissist was not raised by their Birth Mother for example. On the other hand, when a Victim is physically being beaten Black and Blue, IMHO clearly the Abuser is at fault and “not” the Victim.
Video is courtesy of the Alice Miller YouTube channel
There was a video posted here of an English couple. The Husband gave his wife a couple of black eyes one night. The Police showed up and his attitude was as if nothing wrong happened. He called out to his wife and asked if she wanted to speak to the Police. Thankfully the Police had body video recorders running.
I have a friend who was isolated to a different country by a very Disordered Individual. Once isolated, the abuse became physical. One time she was beaten so badly that she ended up being hospitalized for months. It was not her inability to speak up for herself that is to blame. If you start to speak up for yourself to a very disordered individual, you could very well be beaten Black and Blue. IMHO the Abuser is at fault and they are totally responsible for their behavior. View the video in the link shown above. Getting two black eyes was not the Victim’s fault.
I believe that when one learns about the Red Flags and if one starts to see multiple Red Flags on a consistent basis then one is able to get a better idea of who one is interacting with. It has nothing to do with putting labels on people before they do anything wrong. If one does not take heed of those Red Flags and falls prey to an Abuser, then it’s too late. Yes, people are out there who abuse other people. Yes, there are people with Codependent Traits and lots of Empathy, who seem to be attracted to those who abuse. Those who will abuse others also seem to be rather attracted to those who have lots of Empathy and Codependent traits. People call someone an Abuser after they have abused someone. It is not a matter of innocent until proven guilty. They get called that label because they have abused their victim. All abuse is bad, but some abuse is horrific.
I’m posting this for everyone to think about it. The videos below give more details about Dr. Bruce Alexander and his Rat Park experiment. BTW that Rat Park experiment has been repeated many times, with the same results. So it has been scientifically proven.
Video is courtesy of the MinuteVideos YouTUbe channel
Video is courtesy of the Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell YouTube channel
Video is courtesy of The Agenda with Steve Paikin YouTube channel
Kristin Snowden discusses Gaslighting as a form of relational trauma. Her video hopes to help people identify how this Emotionally Abusive Behavior can be uncovered and overcome.
Long term exposure to relational trauma could lead to the development of Depression, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD and Complex PTSD.
Video is courtesy of the Kristin Snowden YouTube channel
Click on this Link to visit Kristin Snowden’s website.
Yes, this is a long video, but Kristin knows what she is talking about. I believe it is very informative and well worth watching. Kristin Snowden is an experienced Licensed Therapist.
Kristin Minto Snowden, LMFT
California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #81413
Individual, Couples, and Family Therapy Treating Addiction Recovery, Relationships, Intimacy, Betrayal Trauma (Infidelity), Divorce Recovery, and Family Issues.
When you have kids with a Disordered Individual,
it “may not be possible” to Go No Contact.
Video is courtesy of the Inside Edition YouTube channel
IMHO the shooter in the above case could have been either a Psychopath, Sociopath or a Narcissist – all at the extreme and very dangerous end of the spectrum. He killed his daughters, but only shot the wife with one bullet in the leg. Why? So that she would survive and continue to suffer the aftermath of losing her twin daughters.
Video courtesy of the World News YouTube channel
In his 911 call, he was rather calm and calculating. Also making the 911 call got him his “attention fix“. He called the Police and flaunted that he had killed his daughters and shot his wife and that there was nothing they could do about it because he was going to kill himself.
Note that his 911 call was all about himself – bragging in effect. Narcissists for example, do not apologize. The shooter was about to die (suicide), yet was not even remotely close to being apologetic for what he had just done to his own daughters.
Compare his tone and composure while making that 911 call, to the call made by his Ex-Wife. His Reptilian wired Brain lacked emotional connection. The shooter just killed both of his own children and yet there was a total lack of care or Empathy. His Ex-Wife’s Human wired Brain became flooded with emotion (filled with care and Empathy for her two kids being shot). Their two brains were wired very differently, in effect a Hardware issue. I doubt that therapy could correct the wiring difference, which in my opinion developed during the shooter’s infancy.
Click on this Link to visit the Inside Edition and read more details.
Superb Video by Kim Saeed. Narcissistic Abuse could result in Complex Trauma.
Kim details six steps which could help one to deal with the Trauma caused by Narcissistic Abuse. Highly Recommended.
Video is courtesy of the Kim Saeed YouTube channel
Click on this link to visit Kim Saeed’s website called “Let Me Reach”.
Click on this Link to visit Kim Saeed’s Twitter page.
Click n this link to visit the facebook page of Kim Saeed.
The Narcissist Smear Campaign is a highly developed skill which Narcissists have, especially Somatic Narcissists. This video helps to explain why Smear Campaigns are so effective.
Video is courtesy of the Knowing the Narcissist YouTube channel
Photo courtesy of Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You By Shahida Arabi By Shahida Arabi.
To read this informative article, please click on the following:
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi
Note the above was shared via a “Share Link” posted on the awesome Self-Care Haven site. Thank You Shahida.
Non verbal communication is far more powerful,
than spoken words.
The Narcissists will try to in effect “Morph” into you, their target.
Predators use Mirroring all the time.
Please make sure that you watch for it.
Video is courtesy of the Petra Van Deijl YouTube channel
Mirroring can establish rapport with the individual who is being mirrored, as the similarities in nonverbal gestures allow the individual to feel more connected with the person exhibiting the mirrored behavior. As the two individuals in the situation display similar nonverbal gestures, they may believe that they share similar attitudes and ideas as well. Mirror neurons react to and cause these movements, allowing the individuals to feel a greater sense of engagement and belonging within the situation.
The above Wikipedia text was taken from the following ref:
Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring people: The new science of how we connect with others. New York, NY: Picador.
If you catch someone Mirroring you, consider that as being a major Red Flag that you could be interacting with a Predator Narcissist.
Ask yourself: Why would someone be using a Major Psychological Control Technique against you?
Quote: “He is not a Narcissist! He just isn’t a people person” Month’s later: “He is Killing me. Tell my kids, that I Love them.” “He is going to Kill me. Tell my family that I Love them.”
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Red Flags are important to watch for. Narcissists repeat their calculated behavior with each new Target. Learn about the Red Flags commonly displayed by Narcissists and then watch for them.
There is a world of difference between honest Flattery and Calculated Persistent Flattery.
If someone relatively new in your life is consistently flattering you, ask yourself what do they want. Make sure to watch for other Red Flags.
Video is courtesy of the Inner Integration YouTube channel
Mirroring is one the most important Red Flags displayed by Narcissists, on a consistent basis.
Mirroring someone can open the door into their mind. You can create “Trust”, “Rapport” and get someone to believe that you and them have established a “Connection”. Most people have never heard of Mirroring, allowing Narcissists to readily use it.
I recall one situation, the Cerebral Narc was standing and talking to some people. His target came by and she bent over placing her elbows on a counter. The Narc spotted her and went over and Mirrored her. He bent over the counter placing his elbows on the counter. She had no clue what was going on. The others also did not notice what the Narc was doing. As his target changed position, so did the Narc. He also started to adjust his tonality to better match her. It was classic. Only the Cerebral Narcissist and myself had any clue that he was manipulating his target.
Video is courtesy of the GilanGorkTV YouTube channel
Cluster-B Disordered individuals, such as Narcissist use Mirroring on a consistent basis (so do Psychopaths). Why ? Because it works. It lets them establish Trust and Rapport with their Target. This shuts down the Target’s natural Fight or Flight protective response.
Learn about Mirroring and then always watch for it.
I respectfully disagree with Sacha’s video, shown below. Just because you can do something, does not mean that you should.
People with Empathetic Traits and people with Codependent Traits, do not spend their lives “Manipulating” others. Their claim to fame (and what is attractive to Narcissists and other Cluster-B Disordered Individuals) is that Empath’s are always willing to give of themselves – to help others when they can – to have a heart (all the “Human” goodness that Narcissists lack).
Trying to counter manipulate a Narcissist, would go totally against an Empath’s nature. Secondly you do not fight with a Narcissist, because you will never win. Narcissist lack Empathy and can lash out in unexpected ways. A Malignant Narcissist could flip out in a Narcissistic Rage and cause massive physical damage to your body (on top of the emotional toll).
In my opinion, going No Contact and staying No Contact is the safest and more prudent course of action. I would never suggest to anyone to try and counter manipulate a Cluster-B Disordered individual or a Psychopath. Victims need to get away from Narcissists, not practice counter manipulation and in effect start to behave like Narcissists.
Video is courtesy of the Sacha Slone YouTube channel
Must watch video for those who are or have been in abusive relationships with Narcissists.
If you attract Narcissists into your life, then you may have Codependency issues.
Narcissists look for and Target Codependents.
Video is courtesy of the Facing Codependency YouTube Channel
Her term “Functional Parenting” and it’s definition is extremely important.
Dysfunctional Parenting creates life long problems. I refer to it as Abysmal Parenting and it is very abusive to the child.