Tagged: Go No Contact

Trauma Bonding with a Narcissist or Other Abuser. 10 Strategies to Get Free!

This site had been setup to try and help, by being a resource of information. WordPress.com hosts this site for me, at no charge. The advertising on this site is put there by WordPress, to help cover some of their costs. Because the site is hosted by WordPress for free, I am not allowed to place any advertising .

I believe that if one is trying to help, then one should not try to gain some benefit from providing said help. I “know” the damage a Narcissist can do to an Empathetic Human Being. I have attracted Narcs all my life. Why? Because I care and will try to help others. I have crossed paths with all sorts of Narcissists. They share many of the Red Flags.

Even with my experience I was unable to pickup any Red Flags from a new employer until I started working, at a new job. This Narc was totally Malignant. He kept a baseball bat in his office (definitely not to play Baseball) and bragged about it. Heck playing Baseball would mean that he could sweat and mess up his of so incredible hair (his words)!!! He would not go swimming for that same reason and made sure everyone in the office knew.  I had crossed paths with malignant Narcs whom I thought could be dangerous. This new Boss not only could be, but I felt that he would be dangerous. He also had a constant need to be the center of attention. Held functionally pointless meetings daily so he play the role of King.

I knew enough that there was no point of putting myself through the pain and mental anguish which would happen if I stayed. IMHO the best solution to dealing with a Narcissist is to GO NO Contact, especially a totally Malignant Narc. I came in on the Monday of my 3 rd week. Cleaned up the computers and quit – after 2 weeks and gave no notice – I just walked out before the Boss arrived. That Boss was likely as close to a Psychopath as I will ever come across.

In my younger years I knew some Bikers. One became a close friend. He literally scared the other Bikers. but did not scare me as I got know him, his wife and kids. It was amazing watching Ted with his daughters. Sorry I digress. That new Boss scared me because one had no clue and I felt there was no limit to what he could do. The thing that upset me the most is that I had not picked up on any Red Flags, until I started to work there. My 2nd week was a real eye opener when his Mask came off.

I bring this up because I feel that there is a decent foundation of information found on this site and as such I have not posted much. Looking for something else, I recently came across some incredible videos created by a Therapist about Narcissists and how to Deal with them. She created the videos to try to help. I was blown away. She has her name on the videos, but does not have any contact info. She does not ask for anything. She does not ask people to send money to fund the video site (as more than a few people do). She did it because she cares and will get no personally benefit. She also states in each video to share the material so that others may be helped. I personally believe that we are members of the same family called Human Beings and should try to help each. Yes, I’m an empath, and I really believe that helping others is one of the most important things in life. The others things are sharing Love and Forgiveness.

I will start to share Shannon Petrovich’s videos on this site. I firmly believe that “Going No Contact” is the only viable solution. But, it is easier to type that, than actually Going No Contact. Trauma Bonding is very real. The Narcissist’s Victim has also been isolated from any form of support, from Family or Friends. Narcs will demand that you get their permission to meet with members of your Family or Friends. By keeping you isolated, makes it easier to “Totally Control” you. Being kept isolated deepens the Trauma Bonding, making it Very Very hard to Go No Contact. This video explains the situation.

Video is courtesy of the Therapist Talks YouTube channel.

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Ex-Boyfriend Arranged Acid Attack

Click on this link to visit The Sun news website to read their news post titled: “ACID HORROR Woman who was scarred for life when her ex-boyfriend hired a hitman to throw acid on her recalls watching her skin ‘drip to the floor“.

Edmundo Fonseca, who threw the acid was told to throw it at her face. He did not. He also said “Sorry” before throwing the acid on Ellie Chessell’s body. In court he stated that he was deceived, because he was told that it was urine which he was to throw.

Ellie’s Ex-Boyfriend Claudio Gouveia, had hired Edmundo to throw the acid after Ellie left the two-year old relationship. She went Go No Contact to the point of moving to a different city. Unfortunately her Ex-Boyfriend had refused to give Ellie her laptop and cell phone. She believes that he was able to track her down and monitor her using the cell phone.

Video is courtesy of The Morning YouTube channel

Please be careful out there. Ellie took the best option by trying to Go No Contact. Disordered Individuals can attack when they lose their source of Narcissistic Supply. If there was any violence during the relationship, please speak to your local Law Enforcement, even if you had not reported the violence when it had happened.

At least in this case the Ex-Boyfriend Claudio Gouveia was charged and convicted with Attempted Murder and was sentenced to 12 years in jail.

Ellie stated she now suffers from PTSD and is getting treatment. He body will be forever scarred. Thankfully the acid was not thrown directly in her face.

If you decide to Go No Contact, then be prepared to Expect the Unexpected from the Narcissist.

Interview with a Wife Beater

Video is courtesy of the 60 Minutes Australia YouTube Channel

Listen to the video and how the wife beater make excuses. He plays the cat and mouse game. He admits that he did wrong, then does not and makes excuses.

The video shot by his son shows that he threw his wife to the ground. Yet he states that he just wanted to give her a hug. He would not admit throwing her to the ground. Shoots back with a question: “Did I throw her to the ground?”.

He tries to shift the blame to the victim by saying that he does not know what his wife has said. Yet the video clearly shows him throwing his wife to the ground.

He thinks that there is no difference between saying that he repeatedly punched his wife in the head and giving her “taps”. He says that gave his wife “a couple of taps in the bathroom“. Changes the situation to be the fault of the wife.

He was asked if he believes that he was a “Monster”. He comes back saying that no he is not. A Malignant Narcissist will not admit that they did anything wrong. He says that he just “tapped” his wife, yet there is photo in the video of his wife with two black eyes. One must assume that to him it was OK to just “tap” his wife and that it was his wife’s fault that she ended up with two black eyes.

IMHO you cannot heal or change a Malignant Narcissist. IMHO, the best protection is to Go No Contact and work with the local Police and the Legal Courts.

The New Yorker article titled: “Four Women Accuse New York’s Attorney General of Physical Abuse”

Please read The New Yorker article linked to below.

Click on this link to visit The New Yorker website to read their article titled “Four Women Accuse New York’s Attorney General of Physical Abuse.

 

 

Always watch for any Red Flags when in a relationship.

Be on the lookout for the consistent use of Mirroring.

Going No Contact can protect you,

but it is not easy to do.

Quote

Sometimes you are unable to Go NO CONTACT. Man kills both his daughters and shoots his ex-wife.

When you have kids with a Disordered Individual,
it “may not be possible” to Go No Contact.

Video is courtesy of the Inside Edition YouTube channel

IMHO the shooter in the above case could have been either a Psychopath, Sociopath or a Narcissist – all at the extreme and very dangerous end of the spectrum. He killed his daughters, but only shot the wife with one bullet in the leg. Why? So that she would survive and continue to suffer the aftermath of losing her twin daughters.

Video courtesy of the World News YouTube channel

In his 911 call, he was rather calm and calculating. Also making the 911 call got him his “attention fix“. He called the Police and flaunted that he had killed his daughters and shot his wife and that there was nothing they could do about it because he was going to kill himself.

Note that his 911 call was all about himself – bragging in effect. Narcissists for example, do not apologize. The shooter was about to die (suicide), yet was not even remotely close to being apologetic for what he had just done to his own daughters.

Compare his tone and composure while making that 911 call, to the call made by his Ex-Wife. His Reptilian wired Brain lacked emotional connection. The shooter just killed both of his own children and yet there was a total lack of care or Empathy. His Ex-Wife’s Human wired Brain became flooded with emotion (filled with care and Empathy for her two kids being shot). Their two brains were wired very differently, in effect a Hardware issue. I doubt that therapy could correct the wiring difference, which in my opinion developed during the shooter’s infancy.

Click on this Link to visit the Inside Edition and read more details.

Go No Contact strategies.

Go No Contact strategies.

Realize that there is a great life beyond what disordered Narcissists will offer you.

Streamed live on Feb 23, 2017

This is the book club live stream for How To Do No Contact Like A Boss!: A Guide to Detaching from Toxic Relationships for Intuitives, Empaths & Sensitives” by Kim Saeed

Note that there were apparently technical issues “at the start” of this video.  Keep watching, as there is “lots of insightful info” discussed in this video.

Video is courtesy of the Thrive After Abuse YouTube channel

You can join the last Thursday of every month for a book club discussion! For a list of the books check out: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/bookclub

Going No Contact. Empaths and Codependents. Setting Boundaries.

Going No Contact can open the door to one’s freedom from being abused in a Relationship with a Narcissist.

Lisa has some insights into the “Creationof Codependents. Not a typo – I agree with her observation that Codependents are “created”.

Narcissists look for and Target Codependents and Empaths.

Video is courtesy of the Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. YouTube channel

Annabel Lee discusses the Smear Campaign which came after she went No Contact with her Narcissist.

Annabel Lee details Smear Campaigns and what happens when you go No Contact with that Narcissist and how she handled the situation.

The Narcissist is unable to keep their mask for long periods of time. Eventually their mask will come off and people will start to notice it. Have patience and play the “Long” game. Narcissist can fool people in the short term, not so much in the long term when their mask slips off too often…

Annabel Lee’s video gives one hope. She has unfortunately been there and done that with Narcissists. She is also a proponent of going No Contact.

Video is courtesy of the Annabel Lee YouTube channel

Consider going No Contact when a person threatens your peace of mind, values, self-respect, morals or self-worth.

Quote "Consider going No Contact when a person threatens your peace of mind, values, self-respect, morals or self-worth." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

 

Quote:Consider going No Contact when a person threatens your peace of mind, values, self-respect, morals or self-worth.

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How to Deal with Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People

This video introduces a new term “Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People” and how to deal with them at work.  Listening to the video, the author is describing tactics of Narcissists.

The presenter describes effective coping strategies. Start by learning about the Manipulators Tactics. In other words watch for the Red Flags, which are always given off by what the presenter calls Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People.

Don’t fight with them, because you can’t win.

Make sure that you have a social network to help support you. Set boundaries and don’t allow yourself to be talked into moving them.

Run if you can, in other words Go No Contact.

Lots of sound advice from the trenches…

Video is courtesy of the Ammar Mango YouTube channel

Florida Mass Shooting also has insights

Click on this line to read the Mail Online news article (UK based News).

Scroll down the article. About 1/2 way down there are four photos of a cute female. One photo is of a female in a white T-Shirt with Give Peace in large red letters (I suspect that was a John Lennon quote “Give Peace a chance”). In that area they are posting about what the shooter’s ex-wife said.

MAJOR Red Flag – his ex-Wife said that they met online and within weeksdecided to get married. It takes months and sometimes years to get to know someone. Within weeks you really have no clue who or what you are going to marry IMHO.

His ex-Wife moved away to live with her new Husband. That to me is another Major  Red Flag. She was being isolated, by being taken to another State far from any possible support from friends and family.

She apparently started to receive Beatings. That Physical Abuse apparently started within months of their wedding. Like I stated above, to decide to marry someone within weeks of meeting them, is plain asking for trouble. IMHO, one has no clue who or what they are going to marry within only a few weeks of the first meeting. Your mileage may differ.

His ex-Wife’s parents learned that she was being physically abused. They flew down to Florida and removed their daughter from where she and her husband were living. They left all her belongings and left. His ex-Wife went total No Contact. Divorce was handled by Lawyers. Her husband apparently tried to make contact. His ex-Wife maintained No Contact.

Major insight. No Contact did what it was supposed to do, in this case it protected the ex-Wife from potential future physical abuse and emotional harm.

His ex-Wife states in the article that she believes that her parents had literally saved her life.

Click on this line to read the Washington Post article about this event. That Washington Post article was referenced by the Mail Online article. It has bits of info, but the Mail Online article presents key insights.

I feel sorry about the loss of life from the Florida Shootings. But I think from the perspective of this website, this is a story within a story. The mail Online article to my mind only, proves how important Red Flags can be. The article also proves in my mind only, how important it is to go No Contact and especially where there was physical abuse, to stay No Contact.

His ex-Wife is lucky, that she had confided in her parents about the apparent Beatings she was receiving. That is another insight from this. One should inform family and friends when there is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. Friends and Family can help. Superb Parental Action to immediately fly down and take there daughter away.

Major Life lesson. Learn about the Red Flags and then watch for them.Seeing multiple Red Flags means something. Knowledge gives one the power to make better choices in life.

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103 Things You No Longer Have to Deal With When You Go No Contact With a Narcissist

Watch this video and see if Angie missed a thing or two which you had to deal with, during your relationship with an abusive Narcissist.

A rather good video to watch for those who are considering getting back together with their Narcissist.

Video is courtesy of the Angie Atkinson YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit Angie Atkinson’s website called “Queen Being“.

After Narcissistic Abuse, things to do so you can move forward

Excellent points are made in this video, about what to do during your recovery After Narcissistic Abuse.

Video is courtesy of the Inner Integration YouTube channel

Go “No Contact” With Narcissists. Don’t Play their Game

Video is courtesy of RavensNewLife YouTube channel

There are three ways to deal with a Narcissist.

Quote "There are three ways to deal with a Narcissist. Accept them, Change them or go Low to No Contact with them. If you can't Accept them, then try and Change them (Good Luck with that). If you can't Change them, then go Low to No Contact with them." by Uniquely Narcissistic
Quote:

There are three ways to deal
with a Narcissist.

Accept them, Change them
or go
Low to No Contact with them.

If you can’t Accept them,
then try and Change them
(Good Luck with that).

If you can’t Change them,
then go
Low to No Contact with them.

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

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“What is No Contact with a Narcissistic Abuser?” interview with Christine Louis De Canonville

What is No Contact with a Narcissistic Abuser?

This is a really informative radio interview especially so for Victims in a Emotionally Abusive Relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or other variant of Cluster-B Disorder.

Christine discusses various forms of “No Contact”. Sometimes absolute “No Contact” is very difficult to accomplish and she also discusses the fall back option of “Low Contact“.

Christine Louis de Canonville is an awesome highly regarded Health Care Professional, due to her extensive knowledge (Personal and Professional) and experience with helping others. She herself was once a victim and has much empathy for those stuck in abusive relationships with a Narcissist. She understands how and why Victims are trying to make sense of the insanity and illusions which are part of such a relationship.

If the audio player does not automatically start, then please click on the link displayed below:

http://percolate.blogtalkradio.com/offsiteplayer?hostId=715591&episodeId=7735133

Audio is courtesy of Mental Health News Radio on BlogTalkRadio and Christine Louis De Canonville

Click on this line to view all our prior posts on Christine Louis De Canonville.

Click on this line to visit Christine Louis De Canonville’s website which has tons more helpful info.

6 Step Guide to Surviving a Narcissist and moving Forward with your life.

Lisa E. Scott has a great site which includes a forum called “The Path Forward“. In it she posted Surviving a Narcissist – The Path Forward.

Her site also feature a blog titled “Narcissist Recovery Blog” with a wealth of informative posts.

In her 6 Step Guide to Surviving a Narcissist and moving Forward with your life she details steps towards recovery:

Step 1  Understand it
Step 2  Get it out.
Step 3  No Contact
Step 4  Get Real
Step 5  Wake Up
Step 6  Heal

I believe that her post is a wonderful resource,
as is the the rest of her site.

Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?

Multitudes of people who’ve implemented No Contact with their Narcissistic partner will inevitably ask the question, Does the Narcissist miss me? Why?  Because they are often consumed with missing …

Source: Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?

Author: Kim Saeed