Tagged: Go No Contact

Ex-Boyfriend Arranged Acid Attack

Click on this link to visit The Sun news website to read their news post titled: “ACID HORROR Woman who was scarred for life when her ex-boyfriend hired a hitman to throw acid on her recalls watching her skin ‘drip to the floor“.

Edmundo Fonseca, who threw the acid was told to throw it at her face. He did not. He also said “Sorry” before throwing the acid on Ellie Chessell’s body. In court he stated that he was deceived, because he was told that it was urine which he was to throw.

Ellie’s Ex-Boyfriend Claudio Gouveia, had hired Edmundo to throw the acid after Ellie left the two-year old relationship. She went Go No Contact to the point of moving to a different city. Unfortunately her Ex-Boyfriend had refused to give Ellie her laptop and cell phone. She believes that he was able to track her down and monitor her using the cell phone.

Video is courtesy of The Morning YouTube channel

Please be careful out there. Ellie took the best option by trying to Go No Contact. Disordered Individuals can attack when they lose their source of Narcissistic Supply. If there was any violence during the relationship, please speak to your local Law Enforcement, even if you had not reported the violence when it had happened.

At least in this case the Ex-Boyfriend Claudio Gouveia was charged and convicted with Attempted Murder and was sentenced to 12 years in jail.

Ellie stated she now suffers from PTSD and is getting treatment. He body will be forever scarred. Thankfully the acid was not thrown directly in her face.

If you decide to Go No Contact, then be prepared to Expect the Unexpected from the Narcissist.

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How things can come full circle back to you. Discovered that my new job included a rather Malignant Narcissist Boss.

I had set up this website to try to help others ( especially Empaths ) by providing information about Disordered individuals. One key was to try and spot the Red Flags.

I have crossed paths was a variety of Narcissists. They ranged from being Covert to Overt to Malignant. I watch out for those Red Flags.

Well things have come full circle for me recently. I got a new job. Surprised to find that my new Boss was imho a very Malignant Narcissist. During the interview process I did not pick up on that fact.

Everything centered around him. I suspect that deep inside, he was rather insecure. There were team meetings several times a day which he would Lord over. That was not enough to feed his need for attention. Out of the blue he would interrupt to go into a diatribe.

I quickly learned he could care less about boundaries. He would consistently multiple times a day trash and back stab the person who I was going to replace and who was training me. When that person left he would trash and back stab a guy who had worked for him for almost a decade. You don’t build a Team up by backstabbing Team members to other Team members. Of course this person could do no wrong.

Video is courtesy of the Sam Vaknin YouTube channel

I heard from him that his ex-wife’s family were causing issues with the divorce. He worked on his ex-wife to try to get her not to listen to her own family members. A Narcissist will always try and isolate you from the support of family and friends. When there is a lack of support, then it becomes easier to manipulate and control that person. I felt sad for his ex-wife. She should have gone No Contact, but instead she still worked for the guy and saw him every day. Just think, I have just joined the Team and my Boss was backstabbing the person who was leaving. He was also backstabbing his ex-wife’s family and trying to get his ex-wife to stay away from her family.

One day I get interrupted and asked  to sit in on a conference meeting call. The conference call was run by the Boss and another Team member (the guy who had worked there for almost a decade). Totally pointless having me there, as I had just started working there.

After the conference meeting, the other Team member left. Then the Boss started to trash and back stab him. He went into a rant about how the guy did not do this or do that during the conference meeting. This went on and on. I finally got fed up and stated some facts back to this Boss. I stated that both the Boss and the Team member were active participants in the conference meeting. If the Boss felt that something was being missed or left out, then the Boss should have added it to the meeting. It would have been a great learning experience for the other Team member who had participated in the meeting and also for me. Instead the Boss just sat there and did nothing. I stated facts.

My facts did not go over well. I was immediately told not to tell the Boss how to run his company. Narcissists will never admit that they did anything wrong. At no time would I even try to tell him how to run his company. The Narcissist Boss was shifting the blame onto me.

The new Boss was good at two things. Self praise and back stabbing the folks who worked for him.  There was something which I was doing but also asked fellow Team members if it was okay with them. The Boss remarked to me that he owned everything and if he said it was Okay, then I did not need to ask anyone else. It is common courtesy to ask someone if they are ok with something. Not with this new Boss. He owned everything (and likely felt that he owned everyone there).

I had not picked up on any Narcissist traits during the interview stage. As soon as I started working there then the Narcissist started to be displayed.

My stating the fact that the Boss could have changed the conference meeting by filling in what may have been missed by the other Team member did not sit well with my new Boss. At the end of the day, he came over started discussing things again. He told me that I did not know what I was talking about and that I should shut up. Seriously. This was during my 2nd week. I restated that he could have added what ever he felt was being missed. Instead he did not. My words went in one ear and come the other. How dare I suggest that the almighty Boss had done such a thing. Again I was informed that I do not know anything and should keep my moth shut. Then he motioned his hand across his mouth like shutting a zipper. Great way to inspire a new hire – Me. The New Boss could care less about anyone else. He was the greatest. He was a member of an esteemed club which is attended by local High Rollers. There was a consistent need to brag or to try to impress upon me just how special the new Boss was.

I saw this as him having major insecurity issues. Narcissists pretend that they are the greatest and the very best, yet deep inside they are very insecure.

What struck me about the late discussion where I was literally told to keep my mouth shut, was that I did not pickup on the fact that he was “Gaslighting me”. There was also another senior Team member still there. My new Boss was in effect backstabbing me to that other person. All because I stated a fact that he could have done something, but did nothing. It was not till later when I got home that I realized that he was Gaslighting the situation. Yes I was new and Yes I did not know much about the job as yet. But I was present during the conference meeting and I was stating facts. He could not handle facts. So he started to use Gaslighting. First I was told not to tell him how to run his company. I never did that. Next he tells me to keep my mouth shut. Implicit instruction to never state the truth as in the new Bosses mind he can do no wrong because he is the greatest and most knowledgeable etc etc etc.

I have managed large departments and would never dream of back stabbing those who report to me. I once refused to fire someone. The VP of Finance decided that he did not like one member of my Team and he told the Director who told me to fire the person. I said no. I also said that the person they wanted me to fire was great member of our Team and an asset to the company. I spent time working with the person and changed processes which got the VP of Finance off my back. I did not fire the person. You build a Team and should stand up and support it.

Back to my new job. In two weeks my world got turned upside down. I felt that I was working for a rather Malignant Narcissist. I also better understood the concept of Trauma Bonding and why people do not leave dysfunctional relationships. For example, it did not dawn on me that my new Boss was using Gaslighting, at time that he was using it. It was only when I got home and out of the situation that I realized.

There is one solution to dealing with Malignant Narcissists which I believed worked. That was to go No Contact. After 2 weeks I had more than enough. I quit and walked out. I will not work for a Malignant Narcissist. I have dealt with Directors and Vice President and Presidents of companies. A number of people had certain Narcissistic traits. But when you indicated that you were not going to be their source of Narcissistic Supply, they caught on and left me alone to do my job. This new Boss was different. No way was he going to leave anyone alone. He needed his attention fix multiple times each day – not unlike a drug addict. It bothered me that I did not pickup up on any Narcissistic traits during the interview process. He seemed quite normal.

Up until the time I stated the fact that the new Boss was an active participant on the conference meeting and could have done something to fix that meeting, he would call me into his office. I was always told that he would normally not spend so much of his oh so precious time with an employee. I later took that as a form or Love Bombing. Getting lots of attention thrown my way.

When I dared open my mouth and state facts that the new Boss was an active participant on that conference meeting, then things changed. No more love bombing. I was told that I do not know what I was talking about and to keep my mouth shut. I also got what I took to be a threat. He said after telling me to shut up that maybe I no longer wanted to work there. Great way to inspire and onboard a new hire – NOT.

The Narcissist’s mask had come off and now I got to meet the real new Boss. I kept my mouth shut. Came and worked two more days. Did not say anything. Then on the Monday, at the start of the 3rd week I came in early. Cleaned up my laptops. Packed up my stuff. Got someone in accounting to confirm that they could get into the laptops. Handed the accountant my office keys and left before most of the staff arrived. Sent a msg saying that I quit effective immediately.

Video is courtesy of the Sam Vaknin YouTube channel

It was an experience. I learned a lot while keeping this website going. That info helped me in this situation. I knew who and what I was dealing with. I have never had a Boss like this. I have never had an onboarding experience like this. I learned a lot from this. The Narcissist played me till I agreed to work for him. He picked up on my being an Empath. It was only when the Narcissist’s Mask came off that I got to meet the real Boss.

I quit and will stay No Contact. There was even a Flying Monkey who would gladly do the Bosses bidding. The New Boss would reward them by providing them with attention at the end of the day. It is one thing to read about Malignant Narcissists. It is quite another experiencing them in real life. Because of the time spent building this this website I had the knowledge to know what I was dealing with and what to expect. So things have come full circle.

Next up is trying to find another job. The job which I had left to join the Narcissist, I could go back to. I was told that the door is always open. Yes, by quitting it is costing me. My sanity is far more important than working for and being used and abused by a Malignant Narcissist Boss.

Interview with a Wife Beater

Video is courtesy of the 60 Minutes Australia YouTube Channel

Listen to the video and how the wife beater make excuses. He plays the cat and mouse game. He admits that he did wrong, then does not and makes excuses.

The video shot by his son shows that he threw his wife to the ground. Yet he states that he just wanted to give her a hug. He would not admit throwing her to the ground. Shoots back with a question: “Did I throw her to the ground?”.

He tries to shift the blame to the victim by saying that he does not know what his wife has said. Yet the video clearly shows him throwing his wife to the ground.

He thinks that there is no difference between saying that he repeatedly punched his wife in the head and giving her “taps”. He says that gave his wife “a couple of taps in the bathroom“. Changes the situation to be the fault of the wife.

He was asked if he believes that he was a “Monster”. He comes back saying that no he is not. A Malignant Narcissist will not admit that they did anything wrong. He says that he just “tapped” his wife, yet there is photo in the video of his wife with two black eyes. One must assume that to him it was OK to just “tap” his wife and that it was his wife’s fault that she ended up with two black eyes.

IMHO you cannot heal or change a Malignant Narcissist. IMHO, the best protection is to Go No Contact and work with the local Police and the Legal Courts.

The New Yorker article titled: “Four Women Accuse New York’s Attorney General of Physical Abuse”

Please read The New Yorker article linked to below.

Click on this link to visit The New Yorker website to read their article titled “Four Women Accuse New York’s Attorney General of Physical Abuse.

 

 

Always watch for any Red Flags when in a relationship.

Be on the lookout for the consistent use of Mirroring.

Going No Contact can protect you,

but it is not easy to do.

Quote

Sometimes you are unable to Go NO CONTACT. Man kills both his daughters and shoots his ex-wife.

When you have kids with a Disordered Individual,
it “may not be possible” to Go No Contact.

Video is courtesy of the Inside Edition YouTube channel

IMHO the shooter in the above case could have been either a Psychopath, Sociopath or a Narcissist – all at the extreme and very dangerous end of the spectrum. He killed his daughters, but only shot the wife with one bullet in the leg. Why? So that she would survive and continue to suffer the aftermath of losing her twin daughters.

Video courtesy of the World News YouTube channel

In his 911 call, he was rather calm and calculating. Also making the 911 call got him his “attention fix“. He called the Police and flaunted that he had killed his daughters and shot his wife and that there was nothing they could do about it because he was going to kill himself.

Note that his 911 call was all about himself – bragging in effect. Narcissists for example, do not apologize. The shooter was about to die (suicide), yet was not even remotely close to being apologetic for what he had just done to his own daughters.

Compare his tone and composure while making that 911 call, to the call made by his Ex-Wife. His Reptilian wired Brain lacked emotional connection. The shooter just killed both of his own children and yet there was a total lack of care or Empathy. His Ex-Wife’s Human wired Brain became flooded with emotion (filled with care and Empathy for her two kids being shot). Their two brains were wired very differently, in effect a Hardware issue. I doubt that therapy could correct the wiring difference, which in my opinion developed during the shooter’s infancy.

Click on this Link to visit the Inside Edition and read more details.

Go No Contact strategies.

Go No Contact strategies.

Realize that there is a great life beyond what disordered Narcissists will offer you.

Streamed live on Feb 23, 2017

This is the book club live stream for How To Do No Contact Like A Boss!: A Guide to Detaching from Toxic Relationships for Intuitives, Empaths & Sensitives” by Kim Saeed

Note that there were apparently technical issues “at the start” of this video.  Keep watching, as there is “lots of insightful info” discussed in this video.

Video is courtesy of the Thrive After Abuse YouTube channel

You can join the last Thursday of every month for a book club discussion! For a list of the books check out: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/bookclub

Going No Contact. Empaths and Codependents. Setting Boundaries.

Going No Contact can open the door to one’s freedom from being abused in a Relationship with a Narcissist.

Lisa has some insights into the “Creationof Codependents. Not a typo – I agree with her observation that Codependents are “created”.

Narcissists look for and Target Codependents and Empaths.

Video is courtesy of the Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. YouTube channel

Annabel Lee discusses the Smear Campaign which came after she went No Contact with her Narcissist.

Annabel Lee details Smear Campaigns and what happens when you go No Contact with that Narcissist and how she handled the situation.

The Narcissist is unable to keep their mask for long periods of time. Eventually their mask will come off and people will start to notice it. Have patience and play the “Long” game. Narcissist can fool people in the short term, not so much in the long term when their mask slips off too often…

Annabel Lee’s video gives one hope. She has unfortunately been there and done that with Narcissists. She is also a proponent of going No Contact.

Video is courtesy of the Annabel Lee YouTube channel

Consider going No Contact when a person threatens your peace of mind, values, self-respect, morals or self-worth.

Quote "Consider going No Contact when a person threatens your peace of mind, values, self-respect, morals or self-worth." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

 

Quote:Consider going No Contact when a person threatens your peace of mind, values, self-respect, morals or self-worth.

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Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

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How to Deal with Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People

This video introduces a new term “Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People” and how to deal with them at work.  Listening to the video, the author is describing tactics of Narcissists.

The presenter describes effective coping strategies. Start by learning about the Manipulators Tactics. In other words watch for the Red Flags, which are always given off by what the presenter calls Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People.

Don’t fight with them, because you can’t win.

Make sure that you have a social network to help support you. Set boundaries and don’t allow yourself to be talked into moving them.

Run if you can, in other words Go No Contact.

Lots of sound advice from the trenches…

Video is courtesy of the Ammar Mango YouTube channel

Florida Mass Shooting also has insights

Click on this line to read the Mail Online news article (UK based News).

Scroll down the article. About 1/2 way down there are four photos of a cute female. One photo is of a female in a white T-Shirt with Give Peace in large red letters (I suspect that was a John Lennon quote “Give Peace a chance”). In that area they are posting about what the shooter’s ex-wife said.

MAJOR Red Flag – his ex-Wife said that they met online and within weeksdecided to get married. It takes months and sometimes years to get to know someone. Within weeks you really have no clue who or what you are going to marry IMHO.

His ex-Wife moved away to live with her new Husband. That to me is another Major  Red Flag. She was being isolated, by being taken to another State far from any possible support from friends and family.

She apparently started to receive Beatings. That Physical Abuse apparently started within months of their wedding. Like I stated above, to decide to marry someone within weeks of meeting them, is plain asking for trouble. IMHO, one has no clue who or what they are going to marry within only a few weeks of the first meeting. Your mileage may differ.

His ex-Wife’s parents learned that she was being physically abused. They flew down to Florida and removed their daughter from where she and her husband were living. They left all her belongings and left. His ex-Wife went total No Contact. Divorce was handled by Lawyers. Her husband apparently tried to make contact. His ex-Wife maintained No Contact.

Major insight. No Contact did what it was supposed to do, in this case it protected the ex-Wife from potential future physical abuse and emotional harm.

His ex-Wife states in the article that she believes that her parents had literally saved her life.

Click on this line to read the Washington Post article about this event. That Washington Post article was referenced by the Mail Online article. It has bits of info, but the Mail Online article presents key insights.

I feel sorry about the loss of life from the Florida Shootings. But I think from the perspective of this website, this is a story within a story. The mail Online article to my mind only, proves how important Red Flags can be. The article also proves in my mind only, how important it is to go No Contact and especially where there was physical abuse, to stay No Contact.

His ex-Wife is lucky, that she had confided in her parents about the apparent Beatings she was receiving. That is another insight from this. One should inform family and friends when there is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. Friends and Family can help. Superb Parental Action to immediately fly down and take there daughter away.

Major Life lesson. Learn about the Red Flags and then watch for them.Seeing multiple Red Flags means something. Knowledge gives one the power to make better choices in life.

Continue reading

103 Things You No Longer Have to Deal With When You Go No Contact With a Narcissist

Watch this video and see if Angie missed a thing or two which you had to deal with, during your relationship with an abusive Narcissist.

A rather good video to watch for those who are considering getting back together with their Narcissist.

Video is courtesy of the Angie Atkinson YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit Angie Atkinson’s website called “Queen Being“.

After Narcissistic Abuse, things to do so you can move forward

Excellent points are made in this video, about what to do during your recovery After Narcissistic Abuse.

Video is courtesy of the Inner Integration YouTube channel

Go “No Contact” With Narcissists. Don’t Play their Game

Video is courtesy of RavensNewLife YouTube channel

There are three ways to deal with a Narcissist.

Quote "There are three ways to deal with a Narcissist. Accept them, Change them or go Low to No Contact with them. If you can't Accept them, then try and Change them (Good Luck with that). If you can't Change them, then go Low to No Contact with them." by Uniquely Narcissistic
Quote:

There are three ways to deal
with a Narcissist.

Accept them, Change them
or go
Low to No Contact with them.

If you can’t Accept them,
then try and Change them
(Good Luck with that).

If you can’t Change them,
then go
Low to No Contact with them.

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

 

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“What is No Contact with a Narcissistic Abuser?” interview with Christine Louis De Canonville

What is No Contact with a Narcissistic Abuser?

This is a really informative radio interview especially so for Victims in a Emotionally Abusive Relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or other variant of Cluster-B Disorder.

Christine discusses various forms of “No Contact”. Sometimes absolute “No Contact” is very difficult to accomplish and she also discusses the fall back option of “Low Contact“.

Christine Louis de Canonville is an awesome highly regarded Health Care Professional, due to her extensive knowledge (Personal and Professional) and experience with helping others. She herself was once a victim and has much empathy for those stuck in abusive relationships with a Narcissist. She understands how and why Victims are trying to make sense of the insanity and illusions which are part of such a relationship.

If the audio player does not automatically start, then please click on the link displayed below:

http://percolate.blogtalkradio.com/offsiteplayer?hostId=715591&episodeId=7735133

Audio is courtesy of Mental Health News Radio on BlogTalkRadio and Christine Louis De Canonville

Click on this line to view all our prior posts on Christine Louis De Canonville.

Click on this line to visit Christine Louis De Canonville’s website which has tons more helpful info.

6 Step Guide to Surviving a Narcissist and moving Forward with your life.

Lisa E. Scott has a great site which includes a forum called “The Path Forward“. In it she posted Surviving a Narcissist – The Path Forward.

Her site also feature a blog titled “Narcissist Recovery Blog” with a wealth of informative posts.

In her 6 Step Guide to Surviving a Narcissist and moving Forward with your life she details steps towards recovery:

Step 1  Understand it
Step 2  Get it out.
Step 3  No Contact
Step 4  Get Real
Step 5  Wake Up
Step 6  Heal

I believe that her post is a wonderful resource,
as is the the rest of her site.

Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?

Multitudes of people who’ve implemented No Contact with their Narcissistic partner will inevitably ask the question, Does the Narcissist miss me? Why?  Because they are often consumed with missing …

Source: Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?

Author: Kim Saeed