Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of The Trauma Bond by Shahida Arabi “Free” by Alice Popkorn via Flickr. Creative Commons License. Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe […]
Copyright Shahida Arabi. Our thanks go out to Shahida Arabi for allowing this to be shared here.
Video is courtesy of the TEDx Talks YouTube channel
George Eman Vaillant M.D. discusses the life of one individual who participated in Harvard’s 75 year (and still ongoing) Grant Research Study of Human Development. The individual who’s life is discussed was Godfrey Camille. I found it intriguing that a Psychiatrist and Professor at Harvard Medical School and the Director of Research at the Department of Psychiatry would discuss “Love” and it’s ability to transform people.
Godfrey Camille survived being raised by two Disordered Parents. He was diagnosed as having Narcissistic qualities and was rated as highly unlikely to become a Doctor.
When Godfrey successfully completed his Harvard Medical training and became a Doctor, he tried to commit suicide. The reason given was because as a Doctor he would have to “care” for others. Narcissists lack empathy for others, so the idea of having to care for others day in and day out must have been daunting.
In his thirties Godfrey was hospitalized for over a year. Something happened during that time. It is my opinion that he had an NDE during his Hospital stay. At that time Near Death Experience was not as well known as it is now. George Vaillant attributed that something to the continuous care and attention by the Nursing staff, while Godfrey was in the hospital. Finally, someone cared about Godfrey.
It is thought by some Psychiatrists, Psychoanalysts, Psychologists and Therapists that Narcissists cannot be changed. Narcissists do not come seeking the help of a Therapist (why would they, as they think that they are already perfect). They are usually dragged in by their partner (victim) who seeks help coping with the Narcissist.
Yet Godfrey Camille did change. That change was attributed to “Love”. As a child Godfrey was not loved by his Disordered Parents. As an adult Narcissist, finding Narcissist Supply is key. If you lack empathy for others, Love is not even on the menu. It is my opinion that Godfrey had an NDE and that is what changed him. The key lesson people get from their NDE, is the importance of “Love” to one’s life.
Later in his life, Godfrey was asked what he had learned from his children. It took a few days for him to reply. When he did reply, he said that he had learned “Love” from his children. The Narcissist in Godfrey had been transformed into an individual who cared for and had empathy for others, was able to share intimacy and experience “Love”.
It is also my opinion that one of the keys to the lingering pain and suffering of Victims of Narcissistic Abuse is learning that one was only used and “not Loved”. That is a massive betrayal.
In the TEDx Talks video you have a Psychiatrist and Professor at Harvard Medical School and the Director of Research at the Department of Psychiatry stating that “Love” is what we all need in our lives. It can transform one’s life and it’s backed up by 75 years of research.
Video is courtesy of the Clementine Acoustic YouTube channel
A Research Study running for a period of 75 years is unheard of. Harvard University has been running such an incredibly long Research Study. The study is helping to answer the question: “What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life?“
In this video, Robert Waldinger, a Harvard psychiatrist, is the 4th ongoing Director of the longest study (75 years and still running) on adult life and happiness, discusses the surprising findings of this Harvard Research Study.
Video is courtesy of the TED Talks YouTube channel
Older couples, in the Study, were recently asked about conflicts and how they resolve them. But couple after couple, could not recall conflicts.
In my opinion, based on the findings from the Harvard Research Study if you want to live a “Long” and “Healthy” and “Happy” life, then stay far away from Cluster-B disordered individuals such as Narcissists, because such disordered individuals lack empathy for others and are unable to share real intimacy with others.