Tagged: Narcissist

Narcissistic Supply; Don’t Be a Victim to the Vampire!

Narcissistic Supply.
Don’t Be a Victim to the Vampire!

By Therapist: Shannon Petrovich LCSW

Video is courtesy of the Therapist Talks YouTube channel

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Trauma Bonding with a Narcissist or Other Abuser. 10 Strategies to Get Free!

This site had been setup to try and help, by being a resource of information. WordPress.com hosts this site for me, at no charge. The advertising on this site is put there by WordPress, to help cover some of their costs. Because the site is hosted by WordPress for free, I am not allowed to place any advertising .

I believe that if one is trying to help, then one should not try to gain some benefit from providing said help. I “know” the damage a Narcissist can do to an Empathetic Human Being. I have attracted Narcs all my life. Why? Because I care and will try to help others. I have crossed paths with all sorts of Narcissists. They share many of the Red Flags.

Even with my experience I was unable to pickup any Red Flags from a new employer until I started working, at a new job. This Narc was totally Malignant. He kept a baseball bat in his office (definitely not to play Baseball) and bragged about it. Heck playing Baseball would mean that he could sweat and mess up his of so incredible hair (his words)!!! He would not go swimming for that same reason and made sure everyone in the office knew.  I had crossed paths with malignant Narcs whom I thought could be dangerous. This new Boss not only could be, but I felt that he would be dangerous. He also had a constant need to be the center of attention. Held functionally pointless meetings daily so he play the role of King.

I knew enough that there was no point of putting myself through the pain and mental anguish which would happen if I stayed. IMHO the best solution to dealing with a Narcissist is to GO NO Contact, especially a totally Malignant Narc. I came in on the Monday of my 3 rd week. Cleaned up the computers and quit – after 2 weeks and gave no notice – I just walked out before the Boss arrived. That Boss was likely as close to a Psychopath as I will ever come across.

In my younger years I knew some Bikers. One became a close friend. He literally scared the other Bikers. but did not scare me as I got know him, his wife and kids. It was amazing watching Ted with his daughters. Sorry I digress. That new Boss scared me because one had no clue and I felt there was no limit to what he could do. The thing that upset me the most is that I had not picked up on any Red Flags, until I started to work there. My 2nd week was a real eye opener when his Mask came off.

I bring this up because I feel that there is a decent foundation of information found on this site and as such I have not posted much. Looking for something else, I recently came across some incredible videos created by a Therapist about Narcissists and how to Deal with them. She created the videos to try to help. I was blown away. She has her name on the videos, but does not have any contact info. She does not ask for anything. She does not ask people to send money to fund the video site (as more than a few people do). She did it because she cares and will get no personally benefit. She also states in each video to share the material so that others may be helped. I personally believe that we are members of the same family called Human Beings and should try to help each. Yes, I’m an empath, and I really believe that helping others is one of the most important things in life. The others things are sharing Love and Forgiveness.

I will start to share Shannon Petrovich’s videos on this site. I firmly believe that “Going No Contact” is the only viable solution. But, it is easier to type that, than actually Going No Contact. Trauma Bonding is very real. The Narcissist’s Victim has also been isolated from any form of support, from Family or Friends. Narcs will demand that you get their permission to meet with members of your Family or Friends. By keeping you isolated, makes it easier to “Totally Control” you. Being kept isolated deepens the Trauma Bonding, making it Very Very hard to Go No Contact. This video explains the situation.

Video is courtesy of the Therapist Talks YouTube channel.

You’ll Never Survive Working for a Narcissistic Boss

The Optimum Talent website’s Optimum Talks Blog has a superb post by Frances Sardone, titled: “You’ll Never Survive Working for a Narcissistic Leader – Here’s Why“.The last line in their post really struck home for me. It was: “Can you work for a Narcissist? No, you can’t. No one can and remain healthy.“.

I have read posts on websites about working with a Narcissist Boss, which implied that you can change the Boss. Sorry, but I strongly disagree. IMHO, you cannot fix that which is hardwired differently in the brain of the Narcissist. Many Trained and very Experienced Therapists state that they cannot change a Narcissist. Good Luck getting a Narcissist to go to a Therapist asking for Help. The one course of action which an employee of a Narcissistic Boss, which works, is to Go No Contact – Quit without notice and never come back.

Click on this link to visit the Optimum Talent website to read their excellent article titled: “You’ll Never Survive Working for a Narcissistic Leader – Here’s Why“.

 

7 Emotional Manipulation Strategies which Narcissists use to confuse conversations

Sharing the Truth of the Narcissist’s actions and you may think you are suddenly in episode of the Twilight Zone. Your reality will not be accepted by the Narcissist. This can occur within a personal relationship and also in a work environment with a Narcissistic Boss.

If you create a Narcissistic Injury, then lookout as the Narcissist will twist things to Keep the Focus OFF OF The FACTS which you spoke about. They will switch to talking about and accuse you of things totally unrelated to what the original discussion was about. How dare you question the Narcissist. 

Video is courtesy of the Michele Lee Nieves Coaching YouTube channel

Toxic Workplace & Narcissist Boss – Dr. Karlyn Borysenko

Toxic Workplace & Narcissist Boss” is a video of an interview with Dr. Karlyn Borysenko, who is an Organizational Psychologist and Author and Performance Coach. She has made presentations at the South by Southwest® (SXSW®) Conference & Festival.

Video is courtesy of the Copeland Coaching YouTube channel

What it is like working for a Malignant Narcissist Boss

I happened on this article which is well written. She did not initially see that her Boss was a Narcissist. When her eyes were opened, she realized that he was not just Narcissistic, but was a rather Malignant Narcissist.

She started to do research on Narcissism. Thankfully she had the support of family and friends, who kept suggesting that she quit her job. Finally she quit. She did not say anything to the Narcissist Boss. She quit and went Go No Contact.

I found this to be a very good real life example of what it can be like, when one finds themselves working for a Malignant Narcissist Boss.

Click on this line to visit the catherinedeveny.com website to read her article titled: “

See You Next Tuesday! Quitting the toxic boss – Jennifer Lim

Reduced Laughter Contagion in Children Could be the mechanism by which Narcissism, Antisocial Behavior and Psychopathy are developed

This new Medical Study sheds some light on one area of development of a child which could impact that’s child’s future.

If the young child is raised in an environment where there are no times of laughter among the people raising that child, then  the child could be negatively impacted. One example could be a Husband and Wife constantly bickering and fighting and never having time to laugh together. The Child could grow up in a sad home where the family never shared laughter together.

So something as simple of having laughter in a child’s life, could  impact their development into Human Beings who care and have empathy for fellow Human Beings.

I also suspect that this could be used in Junior Kindergarten. Bring in really funny movies for the kids to watch. The children could laugh together, which just might help develop empathy in those children who have never experienced laughter at home.

Click on this link to visit the Elsevier Inc website to read their Open Access Published Research Study by

Please note this Research Study was published Open Access, so there is No Pay Wall to cross to be able to read it. I personally am grateful for Open Access publishing of Research Studies.

Too often one has to pay to be able cross a Pay Wall to be able to read a Research Study and most Research is funded by Government Agencies which are funded by us the Taxed Payers. In my opinion it seems unfair to the Tax Payers to pay once to finance the Research Study and then have to pay a second time to be able to read the Research Study which Tax Payers helped fund.

One last note. William James (1842-1910) who was the first to offer a Psychology Course in the United States, created a great quote: “We don’t laugh because we’re happy, we’re happy because we laugh.

This could be another RED FLAG to watch for. Does the suspected Narcissist or Disordered Individual genuinely laugh along with others at a gathering? In a longer term relationship, do you both laugh together often or Not At All?

7 mind games commonly played by a narcissist, and ways to stay clear of them.

Charming Narcissists are the most dangerous

 

Charming Narcissists are the most dangerous.

Yes, even more dangerous than a Malignant Narcissist.

A Charming Narcisist will suck you in, with their charm and huge tooth filled smile. A friend of mine described one to be much like a Spider. Once they trap you in their web, they will feed off you.

A Malignant Narcissist on the other hand, does not care what impression they are making. All they care about is getting their way or what they want. Much easier to pick out and stay away from. No Contact works best,  if you can.

Dr. George Simon has written another great post about Charming Narcissists. In the past I had been targeted and fell into the web created by more than one Charming Narcissist. Thankfully I now know what to look for. Knowledge is the Key.

I have watched a major Narcissist target and mirror someone while there were many others around. No one picked up on the fact that the Narc was Mirroring. It was blatent, and in plain sight. The body position of the narc was dramatically and quickly changed to match the body position of the prey. Hands and arms postions were mirrored. Once positioned the Narc turned on the Charm, pretending to care. The only person that Narcissists care about are themselves. Because it was so blatant, it stands out in my mind.

Click on the following link to visit Dr. George Simon’s website to read his superb article titled
“Charming Narcissists Manipulate Well”

Click on the following link to visit the Psychology Today website to read their post by Nina W. Brown Ed.D, titled
“Beware the Charming Narcissist
How you get sucked in.”

Wendy Behary discusses strategies to help one deal with Narcissists.

Wendy Behary discusses strategies to help one deal with Narcissists. Wendy has more than two decades experience treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists. She is one of the founders of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey.

Video is courtesy of the Dr. Kimberley Taylor YouTube channel

Dr. Taylor interviews Author and Therapist Wendy Behary. She wrote the book:

Book cover image courtesy of Amazon.com

Click on the following link to visit amazon.com to view the book “Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed”.

One important point which Wendy Behary makes (around the 35:45 minute mark) is to set limits and boundaries and she has suggestions on how to do that. One way is to limit your exposure to the Narcissist, by having limited to no contact with the Disordered Individual.

In a work environment, if you do limit the Narcissist’s access to you then watch for the Narcissist moving into Back Stabbing and Smear Campaign mode. When you stop providing Narcissistic Supply, a Narcissist could work to get you fired and or destroy your reputation.

Click on this Link to visit the http://psychotherapyjournal.org site with a post featuring another interview with Wendy BeharyAlong with a video they have posted a written PDF transcript which you can download and read by clicking on their PDF link at the top of their screen Transcript. It gives one some insight how a 3rd party such as a Therapist might view a Narcissist’s behaviour. IMHO well worth downloading and reading their PDF Transcript.

How to treat someone who treats you badly

Ran across this post on the Experience Project site.

Click on this Link to visit the Experience Project to the read the post titled: “How To Treat A Guy That Treats You Bad.

See if you can pick up on some of the Narcissist’s Red Flags in that post. Things like Love Bombing, Blame Shifting and not taking responsibility for their actions (it’s always your fault).

Quote: “3 things a Narcissist is sure to break: Promises, Trust and Your Heart.”

Quote

Quote:3 things a Narcissist is sure to break: Promises, Trust and Your Heart.

Character Matters with Dr. George Simon – 2/19/2017

Dr. George Simon has an internet radio program at URL: ICY.TV, called “Character Matters.

Click on the following link to listen to the Feb 19 2017 archive (MP3 file) of his program which was about Narcissists.

Dr. George K. Simon is a clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience working with people who have character disturbances and use covert aggression.

Dr. Simon’s book titled “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”, has been an International Best Seller for many years..

Click on the following Link to learn more about Dr. Simon’s International Bestseller titled “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”, on Amazon.com.

Click on the following link to go to Dr. George Simon’s website.

Click on this link to visit the official Dr. George Simon facebook page.

Quote “Good Luck trying to get Love, Honesty, Truth or Respect from a Narcissist.”

Quote "Good Luck trying to get Love, Honesty, Truth or Respect from a Narcissist." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:Good Luck trying to get Love, Honesty, Truth or Respect from a Narcissist.

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of The Trauma Bond by Shahida Arabi “Free” by Alice Popkorn via Flickr. Creative Commons License. Ever had a victim-blamer claim you were “codependent”? That you in some way deserved the abuse, or that it was your fault? Let them know: codependency was a term historically used to describe […]

via Breaking the Codependency Myth: The Power of the Trauma Bond — Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Copyright Shahida Arabi. Our thanks go out to Shahida Arabi for allowing this to be shared here.

 

Some children are lucky and are born to loving and caring parents. Others suffer multiple trauma at the hands of their abusive parents.


Abysmal Parenting can put a child thru multiple trauma. Adults with Codependent Traits is one result.  Cluster-B Disordered individuals (and Psychopaths) target adults with Codependent Traits and the abuse continues.

 Video is courtesy of the Top Most Rare YouTube channel

The potential of a new life is shattered by Abysmal Parenting. The shattering of the spirit of a young child is rarely healed. Their life potential is greatly diminished. Once the little kids have been traumatized, what greatness they could have achieved in their lifetime will never be.

An adult can sometimes escape from a relationship with an abusive Cluster-B Disordered individual. I child cannot….

Hug your kids. Show them that you love them and always tell them that they are valued and important. Build up their self esteem, so that as adults they will not be targeted by Narcissists and other Cluster-B disordered individuals.