Tagged: Red Flag

How to tell if a Predator Narcissist is Mirroring you.

Non verbal communication is far more powerful,
than spoken words.

The Narcissists will try to in effect “Morph” into you, their target.

Predators use Mirroring all the time.
Please make sure that you watch for it.

Video is courtesy of the Petra Van Deijl YouTube channel

A quote from the Mirroring page on Wikipedia:

Mirroring can establish rapport with the individual who is being mirrored, as the similarities in nonverbal gestures allow the individual to feel more connected with the person exhibiting the mirrored behavior.[3] As the two individuals in the situation display similar nonverbal gestures, they may believe that they share similar attitudes and ideas as well. Mirror neurons react to and cause these movements, allowing the individuals to feel a greater sense of engagement and belonging within the situation.

The above Wikipedia text was taken from the following ref:
Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring people: The new science of how we connect with others. New York, NY: Picador.

If you catch someone Mirroring you, consider that as being a major Red Flag that you could be interacting with a Predator Narcissist.

Ask yourself: Why would someone be using a Major Psychological Control Technique against you?

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When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

Quote "When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

 

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Disordered Individuals are Proficient Liars.

Quote "Disordered individuals ae Proficient Liars. Seeing Multiple Red Flags may give you some insight, if you are interacting with a portentially Disordered Individual." uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:Disordered Individuals are Proficient Liars. Seeing Multiple Red Flags may give you some insight, if you are interacting with a potentially Disordered Individual.

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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How to Deal with Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People

This video introduces a new term “Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People” and how to deal with them at work.  Listening to the video, the author is describing tactics of Narcissists.

The presenter describes effective coping strategies. Start by learning about the Manipulators Tactics. In other words watch for the Red Flags, which are always given off by what the presenter calls Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People.

Don’t fight with them, because you can’t win.

Make sure that you have a social network to help support you. Set boundaries and don’t allow yourself to be talked into moving them.

Run if you can, in other words Go No Contact.

Lots of sound advice from the trenches…

Video is courtesy of the Ammar Mango YouTube channel

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka potential future Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (her surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (err surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel

Florida Mass Shooting also has insights

Click on this line to read the Mail Online news article (UK based News).

Scroll down the article. About 1/2 way down there are four photos of a cute female. One photo is of a female in a white T-Shirt with Give Peace in large red letters (I suspect that was a John Lennon quote “Give Peace a chance”). In that area they are posting about what the shooter’s ex-wife said.

MAJOR Red Flag – his ex-Wife said that they met online and within weeksdecided to get married. It takes months and sometimes years to get to know someone. Within weeks you really have no clue who or what you are going to marry IMHO.

His ex-Wife moved away to live with her new Husband. That to me is another Major  Red Flag. She was being isolated, by being taken to another State far from any possible support from friends and family.

She apparently started to receive Beatings. That Physical Abuse apparently started within months of their wedding. Like I stated above, to decide to marry someone within weeks of meeting them, is plain asking for trouble. IMHO, one has no clue who or what they are going to marry within only a few weeks of the first meeting. Your mileage may differ.

His ex-Wife’s parents learned that she was being physically abused. They flew down to Florida and removed their daughter from where she and her husband were living. They left all her belongings and left. His ex-Wife went total No Contact. Divorce was handled by Lawyers. Her husband apparently tried to make contact. His ex-Wife maintained No Contact.

Major insight. No Contact did what it was supposed to do, in this case it protected the ex-Wife from potential future physical abuse and emotional harm.

His ex-Wife states in the article that she believes that her parents had literally saved her life.

Click on this line to read the Washington Post article about this event. That Washington Post article was referenced by the Mail Online article. It has bits of info, but the Mail Online article presents key insights.

I feel sorry about the loss of life from the Florida Shootings. But I think from the perspective of this website, this is a story within a story. The mail Online article to my mind only, proves how important Red Flags can be. The article also proves in my mind only, how important it is to go No Contact and especially where there was physical abuse, to stay No Contact.

His ex-Wife is lucky, that she had confided in her parents about the apparent Beatings she was receiving. That is another insight from this. One should inform family and friends when there is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. Friends and Family can help. Superb Parental Action to immediately fly down and take there daughter away.

Major Life lesson. Learn about the Red Flags and then watch for them.Seeing multiple Red Flags means something. Knowledge gives one the power to make better choices in life.

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Florida Mass Shooting also has insights for visitors

Click on this line to read the Mail Online news article (UK based News).

Scroll down the article. About 1/2 way down there are four photos of a cute female. One photo is of a female in a white T-Shirt with Give Peace in large red letters (I suspect that was a John Lennon quote “Give Peace a chance”). In that area they are posting about what the shooter’s ex-wife said.

MAJOR Red Flag – his ex-Wife said that they met online and within weeksdecided to get married. It takes month and sometimes years to get to know someone. Within weeks you really have no clue who or what you are going to marry IMHO.

His ex-Wife moved away to live with her new Husband. That to me is another Major  Red Flag. She was being isolated, by being taken to another State far from any possible support from friends and family.

She apparently started to receive Beatings. That Physical Abuse apparently started within months of their wedding. Like I stated above, to decide to marry someone within weeks of meeting them, is plain asking for trouble. IMHO, one has no clue who or what they are going to marry within only a few weeks of the first meeting. Your mileage may differ.

His ex-Wife’s parents learned that she was being physically abused. They flew down to Florida and removed their daughter from where she and her husband were living. They left all her belongings and left. His ex-Wife went total No Contact. Divorce was handled by Lawyers. Her husband apparently tried to make contact. His ex-Wife maintained No Contact.

Major insight. No Contact did what it was supposed to do, in this case it protected the ex-Wife from potential future physical abuse and emotional harm.

His ex-Wife states in the article that she believes that her parents had literally saved her life.

Click on this line to read the Washington Post article about this event. That Washington Post article was referenced by the Mail Online article. It has bits of info, but the Mail Online article presents key insights.

I feel sorry about the loss of life from the Florida Shootings. But I think from the perspective of this website, this is a story within a story. The mail Online article to my mind only, proves how important Red Flags can be. The article also proves in my mind only, how important it is to go No Contact and especially where there was physical abuse, to stay No Contact.

His ex-Wife is lucky, that she had confided in her parents about the apparent Beatings she was receiving. That is another insight from this. One should inform family and friends when there is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. Friends and Family can help. Superb Parental Action to immediately fly down and take there daughter away.

Major Life lesson. Learn about the Red Flags and then watch for them.Seeing multiple Red Flags means something. Knowledge gives one the power to make better choices in life.

5 Relationship Red Flags which are not so obvious and so we confuse them with Real Love

There are a few posts on this site which discuss the major Red Flags to watch for. Those are typical and obvious Red Flags, which many have posted about.

This video goes beyond that. Dr. Rose Moten discuss less obvious behavioural Red Flags which could be mistaken as your “other” being Love Struck with you.

Lots of points to learn and keep in mind when starting a new relationship. Behaviour which does not stand out, like Love Bombing or Mirroring, can be easily dismissed. Red Flags should be noted. The more Red Flags found, increases the odds that you could be interacting with a Disordered Individual.

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Ex “didn’t accept being abandoned”, so he burned her alive

The story hit the AP Newswire. Because it’s copyrighted I can’t post it. There is already a YouTube video which has someone reading the AP report.

The Mail Online site did some further research and included photos of the female and her “ex”, which were not part of the AP News Feed.

Note the quote “didn’t accept being abandoned” (my quoting a few words out of hundreds for education purposes falls under “Fair Use” and I am quoting from the AP post). Interesting choice of words. It must be the victims fault. If she had not abandoned the guy, he would not have burned her alive. Somehow to them, it is always the fault of the victim.

In essence, the Ex followed the victim. Ran her car off the road. Got access to her car interior, while the victim was still in it. Poured alcohol into her car and lit it with a lighter. The victim left her now burning car. The Ex caught up to her. Threw alcohol at her head  and lit it. She died from her burns. All that because the Ex “didn’t accept being abandoned”. He sure won her back, did he not.

Such a thing happening once, is one time too many. Yet this kind of thing sadly happens.

Click on this line to visit the Mail Online (British News) site to read their news article about this.

I know a female who takes a Taxi home after work, because she is scared of her ex following her if she walks home. That female was a major inspiration for me to setup this site. Her situation is a lot worse than the one in the news article. She’s been hospitalized for months at a time, thanks to her ex. Just imagine looking over your shoulder the rest of your life. Her ex is not just some regular ordinary office worker.  She has a black belt in an Asian Martial Art. Her ex has had training way beyond that

People who have suffered Attachment and Abandonment Trauma when they were infants, can become very disordered adults. To suffer an Abandonment Trauma Event as a adult could send the person in two directions. One is to become suicidal over being abandoned. It is real, I’ve seen two somatic female Narcs go that route – both survived.

The other direction is to destroy the person who abandoned them (as in the news article). It comes down to the destruction of self or the other person. Someone has to pay, it’s either me or them.  Disordered people have limited choices, especially those at the extreme end of disorders of Narcissism, and Sociopathy. Psychopaths, it is my understanding, would not suffer an Abandonment Trauma Event like say a Malignant Narcissist would. A Psychopath will kill you, because they want to kill you (no excuse needed to motivate them).

Learn the Red Flags to watch out for. If you don’t become involved with a Disordered individual, then you cannot abandon them. You become a non-issue to them, as they have a number of targets lined up to become potential sources of Narcissistic supply for example.

Click on this line to read the NY Post article about this event. The Mail Online article has more detail and photos – see the link further up in this post.

Narcissist Red Flag “When I look at you I see my Soul Mate. I feel that we are Kindred Spirits”

A Narcissist looks deeply into your eyes and softly says that when they look at you they see their “Soul Mate“. Your heart rate increases. Your face starts to flush. Your Fight or Flight response shuts down. You become enamored. Your judgements becomes clouded. You believe the Narcissist and feel oh so wonderful having found “Your Soul Mate“.

A variant of the above is having the Narcissist take you aside (they would not want other potential Targets to hear) to inform you that they feel that the both of you are “Kindred Spirits“.

Not so fast. Heck you hardly know each other. It could be a Red Flag called Love Bombing, which is a tactic commonly used by Cluster-B Disordered individuals such as Narcissists.

Generally you get such “Bullshit” lines when the Narcissist wants something, which they believe that they can con you into “giving to them”.

It could be something physical, like maybe providing a roof over their head when they move into your “Home”. Narcissists are rather good at planning ahead, “for themselves”.

It could be that you are wealthy and the Narcissist feels that it would only be proper if a “Soul Mate” shared their wealth with another “Soul Mate”.

It could be that you are rather Handsome or Beautiful. The Narcissist would feel so proud parading you around on their arm. The Trophy Wife syndrome.

Maybe you are extremely popular and or famous. In such a case the Narcissist will happily tag along to all those special events that you get invited to. That helps to keep their fragile Ego well inflated.

It could be that they are having a bad month. Their last source of Narcissistic Supply finally got fed up and went No Contact. The Narcissist needs Narcissistic Supply, not unlike a Drug Addict needing their fix.

You may not be rich or beautiful or famous. You’re just a normal average human being, who has an internal desire to be find someone to love and to be loved back. As such, to the narcissist you are nothing special.

A Cerebral Narcissist, for example, would not give you a second thought because to them you just are not good enough and so unworthy of becoming their Source of Narcissistic Supply. Unless they are down on their Source of Narcissistic Supply. In such a case they will gladly “use” anyone. Heck when they find a way better Source of Supply, they can unceremoniously dump you. For now they open their bag of tricks and start with the Love Bombing.

Are you still glad the Narcissist told you that they see you as their “Soul Mate” or that you both are “Kindred Spirits“?

Google’s Search Engine is your friend. Do some searches for “Support for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse” and variations of that. You will find many Yahoo Groups, websites and Facebook Groups filled with individuals who in their past, had been used and abused by one or more Narcissists. Visit those groups and ask the prior victims whether they still feel that the Narcissist was ever their “Soul Mate“.

When someone whom you barely know (it could be a co-worker or someone that you met in a bar) starts talking about you and them being “Soul Mates” or being “Kindred Spirits“, take a deep breath. Such talk could very well be an indication that you are dealing with a personality disordered individual.

Been there and heard that. If the nonsense talk of “Soul Mates or Kindred Spirits” comes up, I remain polite. If it happens on a first date, I still try to have a fun evening. When I take my date home, I decline her offer to come in for a night cap drink. A night cap invite, is really an invite to spend the night,

Yes, becoming intimate with pretty much a stranger can be enjoyable. It could also emotionally trap you in the land of regrets. If someone is that easy and eager to get into bed with you, then they could be just as easy and eager to get into bed with someone else (or anyone else for that matter). Of course your mileage may differ. On my way home, I make a mental note to have as little as possible to do with that person again.

Have I ever considered that the “Soul Mates” “Kindred Spirits” nonsense was the real deal? Look, when you barely know someone, they do not know you. The only thing that they have any knowledge of, is how you look physically. But it is what is inside that counts. They have “not” spent enough time with you, to discover “you”. In my opinion, they are only feeding you a line to hook you. I step back and ask myself why would someone do that?

Click on this line to view our prior post which features an animated video of a female Narcissist using the Love Bombing technique with the “Soul Mate” hook.

 

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How to spot a narcissist next time round before it’s too late.

Being in a relationship with a Narcissist once is your life, is in my opinion one time too many.

This video presentation is from the heart by someone who sadly has been there and done that.

How to spot a narcissist next time round before it’s too late.

Quote below is from what was posted with the video on the Daylight out of Darkness YouTube channel :

So I’m not going to give you a list of things to look out for because I actually believe that doesn’t help at all.

I think the most important thing to do is start paying attention to your own feelings inside while you are with that person. to make sure that you are meeting your own needs first. to pay attention to how you feel in the company of this person and I’m not talking about the in love feeling. how much you enjoy all the other interactions with this person and how this person reacts when you are meeting you are needs first on an ongoing basis. also picked up on the energy this person is emitting and how it is influencing you.

On some occasions it’s going to take you a while to realize someone is narcissistic or dysfunctional, but you will notice it after a short while if you are paying attention to your own needs and feelings, and then you can move on with grace.

The more healed you are inside as far as your emotional wounds the less your chances of actually ending up in a serious relationship with a narcissist. that’s why focusing on yourself is the most important criteria when it comes to narcissists and abuse.

Unfortunately the narcissist is like water he just molds to whatever receptacle he is poured into so sometimes it’s near impossible to pick up his narcissism from a checklist.

You are going to have to rely on your internal gauge. I believe this is the most important tool to living a healthy happy life and staying away from these dysfunctional characters. Link below to Daylight out of Darkness, “Shop Front”:
http://daylightoutofdarkness.spreadsh…

Video is courtesy of the

Daylight out of Darkness YouTube channel

Click on this line to also visit the the Daylight out of Darkness Google Plus website.

Click on this line to visit the Daylight out of Darkness Facebook page.

Posted to https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com/
Permission was granted via a Creative Commons License to include the long Quote above into this post.

“Rushing Intimacy” a Red Flag to watch for by Tracy Malone

Tracy Malone’s videos go into intimate details about of the Red Flags of the Narcissists who had crossed her path. In this video she discusses “Rushing Intimacy” as being a major Red Flag to watch out for. She also describes. from the Heart, what she is going thru while recovering from Narcissistic Abuse.

May I suggest to check out Tracy Malone’s YouTube channel. Really grateful that she allows the sharing of her superb videos.

Video courtesy of the Tracy Malone YouTube channel

“Lack of Object Constancy” is a Narcissistic Trait and Red Flag to watch for

This video discusses “Lack of Object Constancy” which is another Trait and Red Flag of a Narcissist to watch for.

Video is courtesy of the Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit the Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome Facebook page.

The video below is posted by someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. She discusses a therapy session about Lack of Object Constancy. What she mentions, also applies to Narcissists. Note that she is actively seeking treatment via Therapy Sessions, which is something a Narcissist would rarely (if ever) do.

Video is courtesy of The Borderline Life YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit the Out of The Fog website to read their post titled : Lack of Object Constancy.

 

Posted to uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Narcissistic people use denial as a brainwashing technique

Good article about the Narcissistic use of “Denial”, which is yet another Narcissist Trait and Red Flag to watch out for.

I recall one time being told “Why would I have said something like that?”, How does a “rational” person respond to someone denying something which they clearly said or did? They also do not blink their eyes when making their denial. Non-Narcissists will generally blink their eyes when they tell a lie.

Narcissistic people use denial as a brainwashing technique

by The Minds Journal Editorial · April 30, 2016

Study: “Posting more online photos of yourself may suggest anti-social traits”

OSU – Ohio – A new study showed that men who posted more online photos of themselves than others scored higher on measures of narcissism and psychopathy.

While this study didn’t include women, Fox said she is currently conducting follow-up work that suggests the same findings found in this research also apply to women. Women who post more selfies also show higher levels of narcissism and psychopathy.

Source (click on link to the right to view): The Ohio State University study titled : “Posting more online photos of yourself may suggest anti-social traits

Author of the OSU Study: Jesse Fox

Author of article: Jeff Grabmeier

The above material is for Education Purposes. It includes a rather tiny portion of the article which was posted by The Ohio State University and as such is covered by the Fair Use provision of copyright. BTW they also have share links posted for this article. A complete Link is also provided above, to the Source article.

Video is courtesy of the DNews YouTube channel

Good Luck, if you are Expecting a Deathbed Apology from a Narcissist

Narcissists do not apologize. They feel that they are perfect and therefore never have anything to apologize for. They will flip things around, while denying what they said or did. In the Narcissist’s mind, it’s all the fault of the Victim.

The above is hard enough to bear. Crazy making is a term often used for that type of abuse.

When your Narcissist is terminal, Victims expect possible closure which includes an apology by said Narcissist. Dream on, it’s unlikely to happen. Narcissists do not apologize.

The Narcissist in your life will take their last breath, but will not apologize for anything that they said or did to you. Like it never happened.

Video is courtesy of the Gail Meyers YouTube channel

One thing that “you” can do when the Narcissist in your life is on their Death Bed, which can help “you”. Quietly look down at the Narcissist breathing their last remaining breaths and “forgive them“. Say it to yourself inside your mind. Do not speak the words as they would matter not to the Narcissist.

If you say it out loud, the Narcissist might look you in the eye and laugh at you and then tell you something which you will never forget such as: “Fuck You, I don’t need your forgiveness because I did not do anything to you“. Remember that you are dealing with a Narcissist, so do not give them such an opportunity.

By saying in your mind that you “forgive them” for everything which they did to you, you “free yourself”. You are acknowledging what they did, yet you forgive them for all that pain and suffering which they caused. You gain some closure. You do this “for yourself only”.

The Narcissist in your life was real. The emotional damage created by the Narcissist was real. You survived it all. You also learned what to look for. You know from experience what the Red Flags look like. That will help protect you from becoming ensnared in another Narcissist’s web of lies.

Your knowledge can also be used to help inform others of what to look for and to be aware that Narcissists are out there targeting and hunting for their next prey.

You do not change the past by forgiving the Narcissist. You may bring a bit of closure, which may help you better cope during your recovery. Professional Grief Counseling is also a good thing to consider. You are not like the Narcissist. Even after the horrible things that the Narcissist did, you may very well experience “Grief” at their passing.

Death in a way is the ultimate form of going No Contact

Posted to uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Have you just met your “Soul Mate”?

What wouldn’t anyone give to meet their “Soul Mate“? Someone who is attentive and oh so charming. The constant texting and or phone calls to tell you that they “Love You”. They say the things which you so much want to hear. They are sweeping you off your feet.

If your new Love Interest is a Narcissist, they eventually will be sweeping you under the rug. They are oh so charming, until you find out why they were so charming. Wake up, they want something.

Video is courtesy of the Beverly Banov Brown,M.S. YouTube channel

Your newly found “Soul Mate” Narcissist is Love Bombing you. That is a Psychological Manipulation Technique used to get you to drop your instinctive guard when meeting new people. They want to totally shutdown your natural fight or flight response. Once that response is shutdown, then they can take total control of you, yes you. Do you still think that you have met your “Soul Mate”?

The constant communications and contact with your newly found “Soul Mate”, is also helping to isolate you from other people. They know what they are doing, as they have had lots of prior practice. You on the other hand are naive and trusting. Been there, done that.

Like other videos by Beverly Banov Brown, I’m glad that I can share them here via YouTube. Her videos are to the point and I hope that everyone finds them to be informative.

Love Bombing is a major Red Flag to watch for. Narcissist hide their Love Bombing in plain sight. They use Love Bombing because it works. The same reason why they also use Mirroring while they are Love Bombing you. Narcissists are very well versed in both of these Psychological Manipulation Techniques.

 

Posted to https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com