Tagged: Red Flags of a narcissist

Ex-Boyfriend Arranged Acid Attack

Click on this link to visit The Sun news website to read their news post titled: “ACID HORROR Woman who was scarred for life when her ex-boyfriend hired a hitman to throw acid on her recalls watching her skin ‘drip to the floor“.

Edmundo Fonseca, who threw the acid was told to throw it at her face. He did not. He also said “Sorry” before throwing the acid on Ellie Chessell’s body. In court he stated that he was deceived, because he was told that it was urine which he was to throw.

Ellie’s Ex-Boyfriend Claudio Gouveia, had hired Edmundo to throw the acid after Ellie left the two-year old relationship. She went Go No Contact to the point of moving to a different city. Unfortunately her Ex-Boyfriend had refused to give Ellie her laptop and cell phone. She believes that he was able to track her down and monitor her using the cell phone.

Video is courtesy of The Morning YouTube channel

Please be careful out there. Ellie took the best option by trying to Go No Contact. Disordered Individuals can attack when they lose their source of Narcissistic Supply. If there was any violence during the relationship, please speak to your local Law Enforcement, even if you had not reported the violence when it had happened.

At least in this case the Ex-Boyfriend Claudio Gouveia was charged and convicted with Attempted Murder and was sentenced to 12 years in jail.

Ellie stated she now suffers from PTSD and is getting treatment. He body will be forever scarred. Thankfully the acid was not thrown directly in her face.

If you decide to Go No Contact, then be prepared to Expect the Unexpected from the Narcissist.

Advertisements

Dr. Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School, discusses Dangerous Narcissism

Dr. Craig Malkin is an Expert on Narcissism. He is also an Expert in the treatment of Trauma and PTSD. He lectures at Harvard Meedical School.
In this video Dr. Craig Malkin discusses the Major Red Flags to watch for. He uses the term Dangerous Narcissism which helps to calrify the Narcissism Spectrum Scale
of Narcissistic Traits displayed by individuals.

Video is ourtesy of the Dr. Craig Malkin YouTube channel
Narcissism occurs on a scale. You could have a really nice caring inidividual displaying a Narcissist trait once in a while. That is not abnormal Narcissism.
The range then goes to the other end ene dof the scale, where you find Dangerous Malignant Narcissists and in my opion just a bit further down you find Psychopaths.
As you go down the scale towards Malignant Naracissim you find that the Narcissist is in a state of denial that they are doing anything wrong. They will justify ongoing verbal, emotional and physical abuse and put the blame squarely on the Victim. The Denial of wrong doing while abusing another Human Being is a major Red Flag and Danger Sign.

Video is ourtesy of the Dr. Craig Malkin YouTube channel
Another comon Red Falsg is that the Danergous Narcisist will try to isolate the Victim from friends and  family. By removing outside support, the Narcisist hopes to gain total control over the Victim. They can convince their Victim to move to a difffetrent city or a different country where the Vistim will not know anyone and will not know where to seek out help.
As one woman was was doused with gasoline and then lit on fire had stated from her Hospital Bed “Verbal Abuse is the beinnning of further Physical Abuse”. The Narcissist stood and watched that lady burn and did nothing to help her. I court he stated that it was just an accident and that he was not to blame.
In a relationship, if you have become isolated from Friends and Family and have started to bear the brunt of Verbal and Emotional Abuse, please seek help. Visit the Police. Visit the local Hospital. Visit your local library as they will have free Internet access and where you can use Gioogle Search to find out who to call for help. I suggest using the free Libray computers as the Dangerous Narcissist could have added a Keylogger on the home computers to see what your are doing online.
The denial by the Dangerous Narcissist that they are doing anything wrong is a Major Red Flag. Malignanat Dangerous Narcisism is also not that far on ths scale from Psychopaths. Dangeroous Narcissist can display traits of Psychopathy. If this is being seen in a realtionship then the Victim needs to to seek out Help and Support and NOT tell the Dangerous Narcissist they are are seeking Help and Support. If the Narcissist finds out, then they can flip into a Narcissist Rage and cause major physical damage to the Victim. Please be extremely careful until you are out of harms way.

Warning Signs and Red Flags that he is a Narcissist

Derrick Jaxn describes the Warning Signs and Red Flags which you will encounter, when in a relationship with a Narcissist. Always watch for such Red Flags.

If the Warning Signs are persisistent, you may want to seriously consider Going No Contact. Staying with a Narcissist will allow the Narcissist to continue to attack and destroy YOU and if given the opportunity, they will.

Video is courtesy of the Derrick Jaxn YouTube channel

How to treat someone who treats you badly

Ran across this post on the Experience Project site.

Click on this Link to visit the Experience Project to the read the post titled: “How To Treat A Guy That Treats You Bad.

See if you can pick up on some of the Narcissist’s Red Flags in that post. Things like Love Bombing, Blame Shifting and not taking responsibility for their actions (it’s always your fault).

Red Flags that you are Dating a Loser by Joseph M. Carver, Clinical Psychologist.

A special note of Thanks to Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D for permitting us to share his article:

“The Loser”

Warning Signs You’re Dating a Loser

Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist

Introduction

Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the beginning, “the honeymoon” of the relationship, it’s difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.

Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A relationship with the wrong individual however can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and even physical damage. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the “fatal attraction” often described in movies. There are a variety of “bad choices” that may be encountered each week – most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled “The Loser”.

“The Loser” is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. “The Loser” has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of “The Loser”, women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of “The Loser” and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with “The Loser” in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present – it’s not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by “The Loser” if you stay in the relationship.

1. Rough Treatment “The Loser” will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.

2. Quick Attachment and Expression “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” – where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!” You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you’ll miss the major point – it doesn’t make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment – not three weeks. It’s true that we can become infatuated with others quickly – but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause “The Loser” to detach from you as quickly as they committed. “The Loser” typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.

Continue reading

Persistent Flattery is a major Red Flag of Disordered Individuals like Narcissists and Psychopaths.

Red Flags are important to watch for. Narcissists repeat their calculated behavior with each new Target. Learn about the Red Flags commonly displayed by Narcissists and then watch for them.

There is a world of difference between honest Flattery and Calculated Persistent Flattery.

If someone relatively new in your life is consistently flattering you, ask yourself what do they want. Make sure to watch for other Red Flags.

Video is courtesy of the Inner Integration YouTube channel

Gilan Gork’s superb explanation of Mirroring. Narcissists use Mirroring to establish a sense of Trust and Rapport with their Target.

Mirroring is one the most important Red Flags displayed by Narcissists, on a consistent basis.

Mirroring someone can open the door into their mind. You can create “Trust”, “Rapport” and get someone to believe that you and them have established a “Connection”. Most people have never heard of Mirroring, allowing Narcissists to readily use it.

I recall one situation, the Cerebral Narc was standing and talking to some people. His target came by and she bent over placing her elbows on a counter. The Narc spotted her and went over and Mirrored her. He bent over the counter placing his elbows on the counter. She had no clue what was going on. The others also did not notice what the Narc was doing. As his target changed position, so did the Narc. He also started to adjust his tonality to better match her. It was classic. Only the Cerebral Narcissist and myself had any clue that he was manipulating his target.

Video is courtesy of the GilanGorkTV YouTube channel

Cluster-B Disordered individuals, such as Narcissist use Mirroring on a consistent basis (so do Psychopaths). Why ? Because it works. It lets them establish Trust and Rapport with their Target. This shuts down the Target’s natural Fight or Flight protective response.

Learn about Mirroring and then always watch for it.

 

There is a reason why they Love Bomb you with their Fake Persona. Psychological Manipulation Techniques work.

Quote "He pushed her down a flight of stairs. He held a loaded gun to her head. Leslie Morgan Steiner would not leave that abusive relationship because: "No one in my life had ever made me feel so safe, loved, beautiful and validated as her did during the early months of our relationship". There is a reason why they Love Bomb you with their Fake Persona. Psychological Manipulations Techniques work." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

QUOTE: “He pushed her down a flight of stairs. He held a loaded gun to her head. Leslie Morgan Steiner would not leave that abusive relationship because:
“No one in my life had ever made me feel so safe, loved, beautiful and validated as he did during the early months of our relationship”. There is a reason why they Love Bomb you with their Fake Persona. Psychological Manipulation Techniques work.

This Quote pic was inspired by an article which Leslie Morgan Steiner had written in The Washington Post. We had featured that article in a prior post on this site. Click on this link to visit The Washington Post site to read the article which was titled “He held a gun to my head. I loved him..

The use of the quote by Leslie Morgan Steiner I believe falls under the Fair Use Provision of Copyright. I make no claims regarding the copyright of said quote.

Save

I received an email asking if Narcissists ever change.

Video is courtesy of the The Dr. Phil Show YouTube channel

Dr. Phil interviews Ex-Girlfriend Of Man Accused Of Killing, Dismembering Seattle Mom. See how many Red Flags you can pick up. This lady was lucky that she was not isolated during her 6 months or so with that guy.

She said that he was Charming, Witty and Very Smart. How do you spell Cerebral Narcissist? Yet she could tell that there was something about him that was “off”. There was something scary about his eyes. Potentially Malignant? When the mask slips, one gets to see something else, which was lurking behind that mask.

He met the the Seattle Mom (whom he allegedly killed and dismembered) online via an dating site.

Which brings me to an email which I had received from a visitor to this site.

I received an email asking if Narcissists ever change. The writer stated that they were dating people via an internet dating site. They had found Narcissists to be “much more fun” than the “normal” “regular” people.

Yes you can date Narcissists which you meet on an Internet Dating Site. Great way to risk your life, meeting total strangers and one’s whom you prefer to be afflicted with a  Cluster-B Disorder like NPD. Hey, you might get to meet your first Psychopath (who could also turn out to be your last).

You may have fun in the beginning.

Read the recent posts about the women who could not leave physically abusive relationships. They all had so much fun – in the very beginning during the Love Bombing Phase. Listen to how they describe the guy, who ended up physically abusing them consistently after they had been isolated from family and friends. Things changed drastically. They got Black Eyes on a consistent basis. The were kicked down flights of stairs. They had their heads punched repeatedly. Not fun things to go through. Especially if the Narcissist or Cluster-B Disordered Individual can isolate you and make you totally dependent on them. Note that those “boring” “Normal” and “Regular” people generally are not as prone to do such things.

Yes playing with Fire can be so much fun. But IMHO the odds are against you.
You may get burned, or simply Disappear.

Why this site was setup and who had inspired me to do so

Surprise, this site have been up for 6 months.

Who inspired me to start this site?

You see last year I learned a few things, which triggered the creation of this site.

Ashampoo_Snap_2016.06.30_18h47m21s_001_

One evening, I was enjoying a few beers and the company of a lovely lady and kind soul. She shared some things from her past. I was taken aback. I had crossed paths with Narcissists, but never with a malignant Narc (that has since changed). Well my drinking buddy that evening had married a Malignant Narcissist. She moved to another part of the Globe. Then she learned what she had married.

In a rage her Malignant Narcissist ended up putting her in the hospital for months. She had no family in that country. She had no friends. Only the Flying Monkeys which were his family. Her experience gave me the idea for this site. If she had known about the Red Flags given off by Narcissists, she might not have gotten involved, let alone gotten married. and isolated in a foreign land.

The Sandra Brown video also gave me more inspiration. Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths are everywhere and mess up a lot of people. I believe that it is the fault of the educational systems. Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder is far more than just being “Stuck Up”, which is the common belief of what being a Narcissist is.

Because the Narcissist’s Play Book seems to be universal, I figured that if I could setup a site which showcased the Red Flags to look for, it might provide people with knowledge to make better decisions. On this site one can learn what those Red Flags are. Then watch for them.

When multiple Red Flags start showing up, it might be time to step back and reconsider one’s interaction with the individual who is displaying those multiple Red Flags. Multiple Red Flags could indicate that you are dealing with a Cluster-B Disordered Individual and it might be wise to slow down, to ask more questions. It would also be a good idea to introduce your new love interest to all your friends and family members, to get their important opinions. They can also potentially help Law Enforcement identify your new love interest, should you suddenly “Disappear” (I’m being very serious).

Disordered Individuals need to rush, when they are Psychologically Manipulating you. They can’t keep their mask on for too long. The sooner that they get into your head via the Love Bombing and Mirroring, the easier it will be isolate you. Once you are programmed and isolated, the Disordered Individual will relax. The Love Bombing False Persona could become a fond memory. Their Mask will start to come off. Your new Reality could be shocking and possibly painful. Especially if they can isolate you from your family and friends and make you totally dependant on them

I believe that this site has succeeded in providing information. I have noticed that a number of visitors are using the link found in the Main Menu at the top of the page, to help them find Licensed Therapists, who can help them heal from Narcissistic Abuse.

The number of visitors keeps growing each month. Thousands of individuals have visited and continue to visit this site. Even if only “one” single person learned about the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals, then it was worth the time and effort. What that Malignant Narcissist had put my friend through, I would not wish on an enemy.

Her story has no ending.

She has to look over her shoulder when in public. She takes a Taxi home, even if it’s within walking distance, to reduce the chance of being followed.

Not a fun way to live.

When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

Quote "When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is." by uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:When you start to see multiple Red Flags displayed by someone new, believe them. Those Red Flags are trying to show you who that person really is.

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Save

Disordered Individuals are Proficient Liars.

Quote "Disordered individuals ae Proficient Liars. Seeing Multiple Red Flags may give you some insight, if you are interacting with a portentially Disordered Individual." uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com

Quote:Disordered Individuals are Proficient Liars. Seeing Multiple Red Flags may give you some insight, if you are interacting with a potentially Disordered Individual.

 

The above framed quote is actually a photo – JPG file.
Copyright 2016 https://uniquelynarcissistic.wordpress.com
Feel free to share under Creative Common License Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Save

Why Abuse Victims stayed

When you watch this video, note the Red Flags (like Love Bombing and Isolating the Victim and making the Victim dependent on the Abuser) which appeared “prior” to the physical abuse starting.

This video features Leslie Morgan Steiner, Beverly Gooden, Kit Gruelle, Mildred Muhammad who were Victims of Physical Abuse. They address why they had stayed in the Abusive Relationship. Kudos to these Brave Women for sharing their stories.

Video is courtesy of the Markay Media YouTube channel

Learn about and then watch for the Red Flags displayed by Disordered Individuals. The more Red Flags displayed, the more questions you should be asking about the individual displaying those Red Flags.

Click on this Link to visit the Why We Stayed Twitter page.

Click on this line to visit the Kit Gruelle website.

Click on this line to visit the Mildred Muhammad website.

Click on this line to visit the Beverly Gooden website

Click on this line to visit the Leslie Morgan Steiner Facebook page

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka potential future Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (her surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel

Watch for any Red Flags given off by your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law

Narcissists display Red Flags. So can your future Mother-In-Law aka Monster-In-Law.

If you have not gotten married yet, then watch for those Red Flags given off by Mother-In-Laws. It’s sound advice given in the video by a female whose marriage was destroyed by her Husband’s Mother.

If the Mother-In-Law shows signs of Narcissism, she may feel that you (being the potential new wife) are competing with her for the affection of her son (err surrogate husband).

Video is courtesy of the fleurbrun YouTube channel

Tips on selecting the Right Relationship by Alexandra Redcay

Great TEDx Talks presentation from professional counselor, Alexandra Redcay.

Her suggestion included things like:

You must have your friends and family meet your new Love Interest. Then listen to what they have to say. If your friends and family say “RUN”, then trust them.

Pay attention to Red Flags “everyday”.

Video courtesy of the TEDx Talks YouTube channel

Click on this line to visit the Serise Inc website run by Alexandra Redcay

Florida Mass Shooting also has insights

Click on this line to read the Mail Online news article (UK based News).

Scroll down the article. About 1/2 way down there are four photos of a cute female. One photo is of a female in a white T-Shirt with Give Peace in large red letters (I suspect that was a John Lennon quote “Give Peace a chance”). In that area they are posting about what the shooter’s ex-wife said.

MAJOR Red Flag – his ex-Wife said that they met online and within weeksdecided to get married. It takes months and sometimes years to get to know someone. Within weeks you really have no clue who or what you are going to marry IMHO.

His ex-Wife moved away to live with her new Husband. That to me is another Major  Red Flag. She was being isolated, by being taken to another State far from any possible support from friends and family.

She apparently started to receive Beatings. That Physical Abuse apparently started within months of their wedding. Like I stated above, to decide to marry someone within weeks of meeting them, is plain asking for trouble. IMHO, one has no clue who or what they are going to marry within only a few weeks of the first meeting. Your mileage may differ.

His ex-Wife’s parents learned that she was being physically abused. They flew down to Florida and removed their daughter from where she and her husband were living. They left all her belongings and left. His ex-Wife went total No Contact. Divorce was handled by Lawyers. Her husband apparently tried to make contact. His ex-Wife maintained No Contact.

Major insight. No Contact did what it was supposed to do, in this case it protected the ex-Wife from potential future physical abuse and emotional harm.

His ex-Wife states in the article that she believes that her parents had literally saved her life.

Click on this line to read the Washington Post article about this event. That Washington Post article was referenced by the Mail Online article. It has bits of info, but the Mail Online article presents key insights.

I feel sorry about the loss of life from the Florida Shootings. But I think from the perspective of this website, this is a story within a story. The mail Online article to my mind only, proves how important Red Flags can be. The article also proves in my mind only, how important it is to go No Contact and especially where there was physical abuse, to stay No Contact.

His ex-Wife is lucky, that she had confided in her parents about the apparent Beatings she was receiving. That is another insight from this. One should inform family and friends when there is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. Friends and Family can help. Superb Parental Action to immediately fly down and take there daughter away.

Major Life lesson. Learn about the Red Flags and then watch for them.Seeing multiple Red Flags means something. Knowledge gives one the power to make better choices in life.

Continue reading

Florida Mass Shooting also has insights for visitors

Click on this line to read the Mail Online news article (UK based News).

Scroll down the article. About 1/2 way down there are four photos of a cute female. One photo is of a female in a white T-Shirt with Give Peace in large red letters (I suspect that was a John Lennon quote “Give Peace a chance”). In that area they are posting about what the shooter’s ex-wife said.

MAJOR Red Flag – his ex-Wife said that they met online and within weeksdecided to get married. It takes month and sometimes years to get to know someone. Within weeks you really have no clue who or what you are going to marry IMHO.

His ex-Wife moved away to live with her new Husband. That to me is another Major  Red Flag. She was being isolated, by being taken to another State far from any possible support from friends and family.

She apparently started to receive Beatings. That Physical Abuse apparently started within months of their wedding. Like I stated above, to decide to marry someone within weeks of meeting them, is plain asking for trouble. IMHO, one has no clue who or what they are going to marry within only a few weeks of the first meeting. Your mileage may differ.

His ex-Wife’s parents learned that she was being physically abused. They flew down to Florida and removed their daughter from where she and her husband were living. They left all her belongings and left. His ex-Wife went total No Contact. Divorce was handled by Lawyers. Her husband apparently tried to make contact. His ex-Wife maintained No Contact.

Major insight. No Contact did what it was supposed to do, in this case it protected the ex-Wife from potential future physical abuse and emotional harm.

His ex-Wife states in the article that she believes that her parents had literally saved her life.

Click on this line to read the Washington Post article about this event. That Washington Post article was referenced by the Mail Online article. It has bits of info, but the Mail Online article presents key insights.

I feel sorry about the loss of life from the Florida Shootings. But I think from the perspective of this website, this is a story within a story. The mail Online article to my mind only, proves how important Red Flags can be. The article also proves in my mind only, how important it is to go No Contact and especially where there was physical abuse, to stay No Contact.

His ex-Wife is lucky, that she had confided in her parents about the apparent Beatings she was receiving. That is another insight from this. One should inform family and friends when there is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. Friends and Family can help. Superb Parental Action to immediately fly down and take there daughter away.

Major Life lesson. Learn about the Red Flags and then watch for them.Seeing multiple Red Flags means something. Knowledge gives one the power to make better choices in life.